If you spend $200 per kid or do want-need-wear- read or something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But your kids have more stuff and more expensive stuff than mine, where does the stuff come from?

I feel like we spend a lot of money on Christmas. This is my oldest’s last Christmas before college so he got a laptop, and XL sheets. My next kid has reached a point where he can no longer wear hand me downs from his brother so he needed a bunch of new sports gear to replace stuff that didn’t fit. One kid needed a new bike. Plus I got some stocking stuffers like paperback books and funny t shirts, chocolate Santa. I buy 2nd hand when possible, and we do hand me downs when possible, but it’s still expensive!

I know several people IRL, and I see people here all the time who boast that they only get 4 presents or they spend $100 a kid. But it seems like their kids have all the equipment that mine do, often newer and better brands. So, when do they get it?

Many of the items you’ve described are needs not wants. A laptop (that I’m assuming will be used for school purposes) is a need, so I won’t wait till Christmas to get that. In fact, I don’t even consider it a gift. If they need a new laptop for gaming, thats very different. That’s a want, not a need, and that would be a gift.

Most Clothes are a need as well. Fancy clothes are a want , so if my kid outgrew their sweatpants, I’ll buy them a $20 one. If they really want a fancy pair worth $75, that’s a want and I’ll wait for Christmas or a birthday to get that for them, or they’ll have to work for it to pay the difference.

The laptop and sheets aren't things we waited until Christmas for, because he doesn't need them now, so we weren't waiting. He has a school issued laptop that we'll return when he graduates, and access to a shared family laptop. He has sheets and other bedding the size of his bed at home, but he doesn't have XL twin sheets which is what he'll need in college. So, we got them early, not late.

From what I have seen, OP, the vast majority of folks here aren't judging you, but simply explaining that they approach Christmas gifts differently from you and maybe they just feel differently about what is a "gift" and what is simply a practical purchase. For me, sheets would not feel like holiday gift even if I needed them. Would I appreciate them and be thankful to the giver? Sure. I would also appreciate it if someone bought me laundry detergent, a vacuum cleaner, a box of AA batteries, or driveway salt, but they still wouldn't give them as Christmas presents unless I knew the recipient prefers this kind of gift. Actually, my husband is such a person, and I DO give him these kind of gifts knowing that he dislikes the idea of my wasting money on frivolous things he might not even want. So last year, I gave him a portable tire inflator for Christmas and he loved it. But he also knows me well enough that he gifts me things like jewelry instead of tire inflators.

I am weirded out by the fact that your friends talk about how much they spend on Christmas gifts. I would only reveal this kind of thing in an anonymous forum. It doesn't seem right to me that people who give unpractical gifts spend less than other people. Some people give very expensive and frivolous luxury goods. Other people give very expensive practical items. That's obviously because there is a huge range of parent incomes out there.

Bottom line: only YOU know what works best for your family's budget and what your son likes to receive. I suspect most people just carry on doing what their parents did, so that if your parents budgeted for practical needs as Christmas gifts, then that is what they are likely to do with their own kids.

[Anonymous]

I do buy and wrap a lot of staples at this time of year like deodorant, shampoo, body wash, socks, undershirts, robes, candy snacks so it looks like he has a ton to open on Christmas otherwise we buy a couple of gifts and books, and he pretty much gets whatever he asks for during the year, (which is not a lot)he has a late December birthday, which makes it a little different compared to kids who might have a birthday in the middle of the year.

[Anonymous]

Agree that we def don't wait for extravagance at Xmas for a big gift. I mean I've gotten joke presents for my kids before - it's not about the money.

That said if I see something of tremendous value I will also spend for my kids. I mean we went abroad and yes I brought DD $150 and $200 clothing items. Why? Because we will never run across them again. Because she will be able to wear it for like the next 50 years. She'll have those mulberry silk pants forever and the style and cut and fit is timeless. Because the value is more than the cost. At home it'll be junk target clothing but a couple pieces will be treasures and we all should have that even teens because they aren't kids anymore.. they aren't 9 years old. They are 14 and 15. Old enough to know quality and junk.

Gifts are the same for us - it's not the cost but the value. Life isn't lived through just 1 day - whatever we find through the year we may choose to gift our kids and takes pressure off Xmas.

[Anonymous]

We do wait for bday/christmas for big things like a laptop or bike. I think it’s important to do. It teaches patience, and that it’s fine to go without for a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Christmas isn’t the be all end all in our house. If anything birthday’s are more important as they are more personal. Our goal is to teach our kids to be appreciative generally so it doesn’t matter if they are getting things randomly throughout the year when needed or wanted or if they are getting them for a special occasion.

We review what’s needed or wanted and then make a determination when/if to get it and when to give.

The bolded. My kids would be considered spoiled because they get pretty much what they want when they want. But they aren't "spoiled" because they are very appreciative, and very kind. They also are pretty disinterested in name brand things. Thank goodness. They are not superficial. Treats my DD likes are thrifting in a new city.

People consider kids who get “what they want when they want” to be spoiled, even if they are appreciative and kind about what they get. I have to wonder how character is built if they always just get what they want easily and don’t have to work for it.

Because that’s not the only way to teach and instill good character. Also no one said that kids don’t have to work. You teach character by exhibiting it, teaching and enforcing manners, introducing kids to other people, cultures, history. You make them work at school, sports, activities, jobs. You teach them about saving for things they want (big or small) and then let them spend their own money so they can start to see the price of things.

Kids can be spoiled without being brats and while understanding their privilege is not necessarily everyone’s reality. And yes, sometimes you have to blatantly call them out when they seem to approach something with an overly privileged mentality but that’s called parenting.