When your children are mixed or in general if your parents were immigrants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what you are feeling is normal but I also think it's an unfair expectation for your kids to have more interest than you did.

I know so many kids of immigrants who resisted learning the language their parents tried to teach them. They regretted it later, but it’s pretty normal. Almost none gain real proficiency anyway they knew some phrases and have the pronunciation down and that’s about it.

As a counter example, I loved being able to speak a “secret” language that only me and my family spoke. Teaching my (3rd gen) child the foreign language now — he’s almost 3, and while it’s not as good as his English, he fully understands me and mostly speaks to me in the foreign language. His favorite cartoon (dubbed version of Caillou) is in the foreign language. When my parents visit, by the end of the week, he’s pretty much back to fully speaking in the foreign language.

It can be done. I think there’s a lot of cope on this topic and I frequently feel a need to down play his language skills to others out of social politeness.

Oh get over yourself. Every family and person is different. Some people have more natural language ability and comfort learning and speaking other languages than others. You clearly feel very comfortable speaking your heritage language. I never did even though I speak it fluently and put in a ton of effort growing up. That's not "cope" that's just how my brain works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents where born in a different country and I grew up in the US.

I didn't retain the language and honestly do not have any close ties to anyone from my background. BUT when I had kids who are mixed, I realized that it would be important for them to have some language and family identity and background. I feel this pressure to have them take language classes or visit my parent's home country. Realisitically, I know they will not retain the language unless they immerse themselves or continue to study and practice it.

I need to know if anyone relates or what you do in this situation?

If you were born/grew up in the US, you are American. It's important to realize that for you, this connection is already removed. You are not robbing your children of anything they would have had.

You could, however, take the kids to the "old country" for a visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Americans don’t speak their “heritage” language. I don’t speak German or French, the languages of some of my ancestors. It’s ok. It happens eventually to almost everyone.

That's very different and you know it.

Not really. My friends from Boston whose parents were first generation Italian all spoke Italian but their kids don’t They do know how to make amazing cutlets and pasta dishes.

Traditionally, the immigrant generation teaches the home language to their kids. That could be through use at home or through language school or through cultural events. The first born generation ends up speaking the language but normally isn’t fully fluent or can speak it and not read it type thing. The second generation rarely learns more than a few phrases because the US is home and people speak English. People are not traveling back to the home country to see family annually because they don’t know the family any more. It is hard to maintain the native language because it isn’t used enough and it isn’t seen as important by the families.

It is not unusual that the second generation of immigrants don’t speak the language and end up relating to their culture through food and traditional holidays that they don’t celebrate the same way. See just about every group who has immigrated to the US in the last 200 years. The same thing is going to happen with the Chinese, Korean, and Indian families coming to the US now. It has been happening with Hispanic families for ages, there is just a more regular number of Hispanic families coming to the US because the US is close by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I emigrated to the US as a ten year old, and am using the one-parent-one-language approach to teach my children our heritage language. DH, while supportive, speaks only English.

It started to feel like an uphill battle once the kids started school. They attend Saturday language school, watch no tv except in the heritage language, and I encourage them to speak it with each other, but it’s a struggle. Any tips from those who have done this successfully are welcome!

My tip for you comes as the child who was in this situation, except that both my parents spoke the other language. You simply have to make the choice as the parent that you will be relentless in only speaking the language to your child and only accepting that your child respond back to you in it. You cannot give in no matter how tired everyone is at the end of the day. Yes, it's an uphill battle, but fight it. It's worth it. It's just something you decide is important and will stick with. With my mom who was the at-home parent she was a little less strict, while my dad would come home from work and say, "I've spent the day working hard in English. Speak to me in X or don't speak to me." Sounds harsh, but I promise we had a great relationship with him and it worked. Since you're the only parent who speaks the language, you can't let it slide due the grind of day to day life.

Don't insist your children speak the language to each other. That's just unnatural. Between myself and my siblings and cousins who all grew up in the US and speak our home language fluently, we have never, ever spoken anything but English to each other when not around the adults.