Instances where adult children pose a threat to parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister who is an assistant professor at a very high ranking University. She has stalked an old BF. She has tried to hurt others on her dorm floor her freshman year. I can not be certain but I am pretty sure she pushed my mother down a flight of stairs. My mother claims she fell but my mother never admitted anything about my sister.

We are very far apart in age. By the time she was 8 I was already married and out of my parents home.

My parents were against getting her any help so I stopped talking to them because I was afriad for my family.

And because of such parents, there are very dangerous people who walk free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.theguardian.com/film/2025/dec/15/who-is-nick-rob-reiner-son

I've read some DCUM posts in the past about parents being worried for their own safety or feeling threatened by their adult children and seeing more comments on some of the news articles reporting the son's arrest. Does anyone have other examples or experiences and when do you know that the child is capable of such violence?

Yes, unfortunately, in our old neighborhood, a son killed his father.

And another boy killed his psychiatrist.

Both were mental illnesses.

Also the Hoggle mother who killed both her own children. She was sick way before becoming an adult.

Our mental health system sucks and now there is zero hope for that system given the current administration.

Can you elaborate on what is needed to improve the health system?

DP. There are two large issues: accessibility and funding. There are too few programs and providers to accommodate the existing needs. And it is difficult to get funding to pay for care if you can find it.

A third issue is that it’s hard to find appropriate care in that people don’t have a sense of what is out there but are often left to their own devices to find what’s necessary. It’s completely unlike other areas of medicine. I mean when you get cancer, a doctor determines your treatment protocol. With MH care, you’re on your own. For example, when mine needed a long term inpatient, the psychiatrist told me that but had no list of programs for me to look at - I was on my own. If you’re not resourceful, you might not find what you need.

Fourth issue is that so much with psychiatry is trial and error. It can take six weeks for medication to work and if it doesn’t you move on to the next. In one year my child had 13 different medication combos and none worked. Plus if the mental illness manifests young, there are whole classes of medication that can’t be prescribed due to age.

We live in FFX county, and our psychiatrist called the hospitals to find a bed. I am not diminishing your struggles, but it is all very specific to a doctor and a patient.

And very specific to the county and state you live in and your health insurance & what it will and won’t pay for.

[Anonymous]

What about greedy kids who want to get their hands on the parents assets? No mental illness required.

[Anonymous]

I often thing about Creigh Deeds, a lovely and good man who ran for Virginia Governor over a decade ago whose son Gus nearly killed Jim and then died by suicide. It was so heartbreaking because he was so devoted to his children and had worked hard to expand and improve mental health access during his career, but he couldn’t save his own son. It is a miracle he lived, but he has to live with the memory of his son’s brutal attack forever. Deeds has been so courageous at talking honestly about his son’s illness (he even went on 60 minutes shortly after) and at advocating tirelessly for expanding access to mental health inpatient treatment and reducing barriers to involuntary holds for people who are a danger to themselves and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can parents do anything differently during childhood or are some of these kids wired differently and it's only a matter of time?

Some people show signs early but the vast majority have zero signs before age 18.

You’re not going to parent your child out of bipolar or schizophrenia mental illness. It’s very offensive to families with a mental illness sufferer to suggest that poor parenting or a hidden trauma caused mental illness.

That may not be true. For example, I recall a study where laypeople were shown childhood videos of those later diagnosed with schizophrenia along with videos of those without mental health issues and they could easily pick out who would develop the diagnosis.

It's about interaction of genetics with environment and by environment I mean anything from pollutants and chemicals to home life. Good parents get help to try to figure out how to work with this very challenging situation and it's ongoing. It foesn't mean good parents still don't have violent adults-we know that, but doing nothing or giving up rarely has a positive outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can parents do anything differently during childhood or are some of these kids wired differently and it's only a matter of time?

Some people show signs early but the vast majority have zero signs before age 18.

You’re not going to parent your child out of bipolar or schizophrenia mental illness. It’s very offensive to families with a mental illness sufferer to suggest that poor parenting or a hidden trauma caused mental illness.

That may not be true. For example, I recall a study where laypeople were shown childhood videos of those later diagnosed with schizophrenia along with videos of those without mental health issues and they could easily pick out who would develop the diagnosis.

It's about interaction of genetics with environment and by environment I mean anything from pollutants and chemicals to home life. Good parents get help to try to figure out how to work with this very challenging situation and it's ongoing. It foesn't mean good parents still don't have violent adults-we know that, but doing nothing or giving up rarely has a positive outcome.

Yeah, but hindsight isn't helpful. Were there recognizable signs of mental illness at the time. Also even if you can pick out who would develop schizophrenia, it only matters if there is something you can do to avoid it. I mean, its not like there's a vaccination. That being said, I do hope that we develop a better understanding and that we can find more effective treatment and even means to avoid it if the signs of future illness are present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very common.

My stepsister was so violent that at 16/17, she had broken her mom’s bone. Caused tens of thousands of dollars of damage to our house, had multiple pregnancy scares, and became an alcoholic.

It was just a bad time period in her life. Thankfully, she’s 24 now, college educated, engaged, and doing well.

This is so encouraging. Thank you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can parents do anything differently during childhood or are some of these kids wired differently and it's only a matter of time?

Some people show signs early but the vast majority have zero signs before age 18.

You’re not going to parent your child out of bipolar or schizophrenia mental illness. It’s very offensive to families with a mental illness sufferer to suggest that poor parenting or a hidden trauma caused mental illness.

That may not be true. For example, I recall a study where laypeople were shown childhood videos of those later diagnosed with schizophrenia along with videos of those without mental health issues and they could easily pick out who would develop the diagnosis.

It's about interaction of genetics with environment and by environment I mean anything from pollutants and chemicals to home life. Good parents get help to try to figure out how to work with this very challenging situation and it's ongoing. It foesn't mean good parents still don't have violent adults-we know that, but doing nothing or giving up rarely has a positive outcome.

Schizophrenia is linked to the mother having the flu during pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happens in the serious mental illnesses. Society today offers zero help to desperate parents except for jailing someone after a crime. Civil commitment for seriously mentally ill is lacking beds, difficult to implement, and too short in duration to be effective. The woman in Maryland who killed her mom with a cell phone? That family had 40 phone calls to the authorities seeking help!

Rather than patting the police on the back for solving these “surprise crimes”, which are easy to solve, go complain to legislators and cities who allow release of the mentally ill without any help. They’re seriously mentally ill—hitting rock bottom isn’t going to work.

Serious mental disorders
Serious addictions
Online influencers and self diagnosing (its parents fault!)
Access to knives or guns
No where to go- rehabs are like joining a more drug addict friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can parents do anything differently during childhood or are some of these kids wired differently and it's only a matter of time?

Some people show signs early but the vast majority have zero signs before age 18.

You’re not going to parent your child out of bipolar or schizophrenia mental illness. It’s very offensive to families with a mental illness sufferer to suggest that poor parenting or a hidden trauma caused mental illness.

That may not be true. For example, I recall a study where laypeople were shown childhood videos of those later diagnosed with schizophrenia along with videos of those without mental health issues and they could easily pick out who would develop the diagnosis.

It's about interaction of genetics with environment and by environment I mean anything from pollutants and chemicals to home life. Good parents get help to try to figure out how to work with this very challenging situation and it's ongoing. It foesn't mean good parents still don't have violent adults-we know that, but doing nothing or giving up rarely has a positive outcome.

didn’t work for Nick Reiner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister who is an assistant professor at a very high ranking University. She has stalked an old BF. She has tried to hurt others on her dorm floor her freshman year. I can not be certain but I am pretty sure she pushed my mother down a flight of stairs. My mother claims she fell but my mother never admitted anything about my sister.

We are very far apart in age. By the time she was 8 I was already married and out of my parents home.

My parents were against getting her any help so I stopped talking to them because I was afriad for my family.

And because of such parents, there are very dangerous people who walk free.

A lot of denial in family trees.

Marry into a family with such strong denial and poor communications and it will drive you crazy.

[Anonymous]

Your private psychiatrist called hospitals to find your dc a bed?

That's very strange. The process in Fairfax is you have to go to an ER, be deemed a threat, and then wait for them to find a bed. If your dc is under 18 and some of the very few beds are all taken locally, they drive them down to a state run facility in southern va in restraints. We declined that option twice FWIW.

[Anonymous]

My youngest brother didn't exhibit any signs of schizophrenia until he was in college. My parents had good insurance, lived in Ffx Cnty, were relentless advocates and still struggled to find my brother help. He was the youngest of 4 and we had a pretty good/normal suburban upbringing ie dad worked a regular job, mom was a SAHM, no abuse, no insecurity etc.

During one medication change he pulled a carving knife on my parents, during another he cracked his head through a shower glass door, and during another got into a car crash (keys had been taken/hidden, brother basically tore the house apart to locate) that landed him in a coma for 8 weeks and could have easily killed someone else.

My point is it can happen to anyone and the "system" is not set up to actually provide long term help to people who have resources. Heaven help those who don't.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest brother didn't exhibit any signs of schizophrenia until he was in college. My parents had good insurance, lived in Ffx Cnty, were relentless advocates and still struggled to find my brother help. He was the youngest of 4 and we had a pretty good/normal suburban upbringing ie dad worked a regular job, mom was a SAHM, no abuse, no insecurity etc.

During one medication change he pulled a carving knife on my parents, during another he cracked his head through a shower glass door, and during another got into a car crash (keys had been taken/hidden, brother basically tore the house apart to locate) that landed him in a coma for 8 weeks and could have easily killed someone else.

My point is it can happen to anyone and the "system" is not set up to actually provide long term help to people who have resources. Heaven help those who don't.

Maybe he'd be better off hearing voices.