Instances where adult children pose a threat to parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dear friend has a violent teen. I fear for her safety. The police have been called multiple times to school and home but he is never removed from the home. He gets referred to juvenile justice and attends an online class or does some community service hours and there are no real consequences.

I’ve been there. Here is what I did. I dropped mine off at hospitals and refused to take them back. I informed law enforcement that I intended to press charges and they were removed. (I never do press charges but I needed to be safe). They always asked if I would agree to hospitalization, which I do. So they would drop them off at the closest hospital and we would not pick them up when the hospital calls. It is unbelievably difficult and heartbreaking to do this. But it got us the help that was needed.

I am really sorry about this situation.

Can you explain how it works with the hospital bill? Did you have to pay, or does the hospital bill the mentally ill individual and not expect payment?

I was at the ER in a room next to a young woman who was experiencing some sort of breakdown or psychoses and ran down the hall screaming and attacked a nurse. It seemed like the goal of treatment was to drug her so she would stop being violent. (I heard them yelling at her to take the shot they were attempting to administer.) I

[Anonymous]

My parents have friends who are still supporting their adult boys.

Both boys were the type who made weed their main hobby and personality in high school. My parents used to tell me that it wasn't their/our place to tell the parents. But no surprise that both struggled to finish college or establish themselves as adults. One is now working as a UPS driver and living at home, and I haven't asked recently where the other is, but I know his parents repeatedly had to go collect him in other states when he had weird mental breakdowns and did things like wander around in the snow in inappropriate clothes muttering to himself and scaring kids until police got involved, and another occasion where he had some kind of job in Colorado and his boss called his parents to say he was having a mental break and they needed to come get him immediately. I think it was pretty clear he had schizophrenia or was using hard drugs, or both, and I remember my parents talking about how amazed they were that his parents weren't having him do some kind of inpatient treatment or at least encouraging him to stay with them too. He was a scary guy and always looked a little bit crazed in the eyes in high school, and I could see him doing something like this.

[Anonymous]

I do think more cameras in psychiatric facilities would be very helpful. Even a body cam for staff. Most people in psychosis have no memory or distorted memories of their psychotic state. There definitely can be abuse of patients. However they’re lousy witnesses of any problems.

Psychosis can also include delusions or false thoughts of child abuse, theft, and rape. Or maybe it happened? It’s very hard to determine true memories from delusions.

[Anonymous]

There is a Substack by Ann Bauer that shares the journey a family goes through in a situation like this. Can’t get it to link, but excellent essay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have friends who are still supporting their adult boys.

Both boys were the type who made weed their main hobby and personality in high school. My parents used to tell me that it wasn't their/our place to tell the parents. But no surprise that both struggled to finish college or establish themselves as adults. One is now working as a UPS driver and living at home, and I haven't asked recently where the other is, but I know his parents repeatedly had to go collect him in other states when he had weird mental breakdowns and did things like wander around in the snow in inappropriate clothes muttering to himself and scaring kids until police got involved, and another occasion where he had some kind of job in Colorado and his boss called his parents to say he was having a mental break and they needed to come get him immediately. I think it was pretty clear he had schizophrenia or was using hard drugs, or both, and I remember my parents talking about how amazed they were that his parents weren't having him do some kind of inpatient treatment or at least encouraging him to stay with them too. He was a scary guy and always looked a little bit crazed in the eyes in high school, and I could see him doing something like this.

Maybe you could recommend a place to “help”? You do understand that Medicaid and Medicare do not pay for psychiatric stays?

You may be surprised to learn that current treatments are not very effective and completely don’t work well for those with schizophrenia. The meds may help with paranoia and hallucinations, but 75% of patients struggle with severe ADHD, tiredness, and confusion. Current treatments suck.

The Prozac family of drugs has stopped the lie on the ground depressed persons that used to be in mental institutions. Science is behind on bipolar and schizophrenia unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister who is an assistant professor at a very high ranking University. She has stalked an old BF. She has tried to hurt others on her dorm floor her freshman year. I can not be certain but I am pretty sure she pushed my mother down a flight of stairs. My mother claims she fell but my mother never admitted anything about my sister.

We are very far apart in age. By the time she was 8 I was already married and out of my parents home.

My parents were against getting her any help so I stopped talking to them because I was afriad for my family.

[Anonymous]

5150 holds
https://www.ochealthinfo.com/sites/hca/files/import/data/files/39874.pdf

take care of yourselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have friends who are still supporting their adult boys.

Both boys were the type who made weed their main hobby and personality in high school. My parents used to tell me that it wasn't their/our place to tell the parents. But no surprise that both struggled to finish college or establish themselves as adults. One is now working as a UPS driver and living at home, and I haven't asked recently where the other is, but I know his parents repeatedly had to go collect him in other states when he had weird mental breakdowns and did things like wander around in the snow in inappropriate clothes muttering to himself and scaring kids until police got involved, and another occasion where he had some kind of job in Colorado and his boss called his parents to say he was having a mental break and they needed to come get him immediately. I think it was pretty clear he had schizophrenia or was using hard drugs, or both, and I remember my parents talking about how amazed they were that his parents weren't having him do some kind of inpatient treatment or at least encouraging him to stay with them too. He was a scary guy and always looked a little bit crazed in the eyes in high school, and I could see him doing something like this.

Maybe you could recommend a place to “help”? You do understand that Medicaid and Medicare do not pay for psychiatric stays?

You may be surprised to learn that current treatments are not very effective and completely don’t work well for those with schizophrenia. The meds may help with paranoia and hallucinations, but 75% of patients struggle with severe ADHD, tiredness, and confusion. Current treatments suck.

The Prozac family of drugs has stopped the lie on the ground depressed persons that used to be in mental institutions. Science is behind on bipolar and schizophrenia unfortunately.

You are gravely misinformed about Medicare and Medicaid and should not be giving advice about them.

Medicare:

https://www.aarp.org/medicare/faq/does-medicare-cover-mental-health/

Medicaid is the single largest payer for mental health and substance abuse treatment in the US. This includes inpatient treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very common.

My stepsister was so violent that at 16/17, she had broken her mom’s bone. Caused tens of thousands of dollars of damage to our house, had multiple pregnancy scares, and became an alcoholic.

It was just a bad time period in her life. Thankfully, she’s 24 now, college educated, engaged, and doing well.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have and I still experience this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can parents do anything differently during childhood or are some of these kids wired differently and it's only a matter of time?

If I hadn’t been a good parent, he would be much worse, and likely committed a mass murder.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it isn't even drugs and alcohol. Entitlement and arrogance are on helluva cocktail.
We have an older ftl sib who has pretty much never left home. His friends all did well in their early 20s during the dotcom era. Him notsomuch. The bubble burst he got a job working for I think Apple for a year or so. Social media heated up again so he quit to pursue start up riches. Again, nope! He started a good half dozen companies over the years that went nowhere all funded by our parents. By the late 2000s he just gave up but refused to get another job.
Our parents paid for his entire life, car, clothes, food, entertainment, wedding, (he was married 2 years and they lived with my parents) divorce, child support, medical bills, everything.
Our father was removed from a ventilitor earlier this year. His only job was to take care of them in exchange for funding his life. He did the bare minimum and complained about "chores".
We suggested moving mom to assistsed living because she was not doing well. Whatever wouldn't cover the cost we would sell their house. He hit the roof. Yelling, screaming threatening. We later figured out he didn't care about our mom's well being. He was approaching the age when most are prepping for retirement, for the first time in his life he faced the prospect of having to be an adult like the rest of us and pay his own bills and had no $$.
He apologized but living a life of leisure with no responsibility on our parents dime made him an entitled, lazy jerk who lashed out when reality started to set in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have friends who are still supporting their adult boys.

Both boys were the type who made weed their main hobby and personality in high school. My parents used to tell me that it wasn't their/our place to tell the parents. But no surprise that both struggled to finish college or establish themselves as adults. One is now working as a UPS driver and living at home, and I haven't asked recently where the other is, but I know his parents repeatedly had to go collect him in other states when he had weird mental breakdowns and did things like wander around in the snow in inappropriate clothes muttering to himself and scaring kids until police got involved, and another occasion where he had some kind of job in Colorado and his boss called his parents to say he was having a mental break and they needed to come get him immediately. I think it was pretty clear he had schizophrenia or was using hard drugs, or both, and I remember my parents talking about how amazed they were that his parents weren't having him do some kind of inpatient treatment or at least encouraging him to stay with them too. He was a scary guy and always looked a little bit crazed in the eyes in high school, and I could see him doing something like this.

Maybe you could recommend a place to “help”? You do understand that Medicaid and Medicare do not pay for psychiatric stays?

You may be surprised to learn that current treatments are not very effective and completely don’t work well for those with schizophrenia. The meds may help with paranoia and hallucinations, but 75% of patients struggle with severe ADHD, tiredness, and confusion. Current treatments suck.

The Prozac family of drugs has stopped the lie on the ground depressed persons that used to be in mental institutions. Science is behind on bipolar and schizophrenia unfortunately.

You are gravely misinformed about Medicare and Medicaid and should not be giving advice about them.

Medicare:

https://www.aarp.org/medicare/faq/does-medicare-cover-mental-health/

Medicaid is the single largest payer for mental health and substance abuse treatment in the US. This includes inpatient treatment.

Nope, there is an Institution of Mental Disease exclusion for federal payments.

https://www.nami.org/advocacy-at-nami/policy-positions/improving-health/medicaid-imd-exclusion/

That’s why emergency rooms patch patients up for a few days before dumping them on the streets or families. It’s ineffective for stabilizing the seriously mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it isn't even drugs and alcohol. Entitlement and arrogance are on helluva cocktail.
We have an older ftl sib who has pretty much never left home. His friends all did well in their early 20s during the dotcom era. Him notsomuch. The bubble burst he got a job working for I think Apple for a year or so. Social media heated up again so he quit to pursue start up riches. Again, nope! He started a good half dozen companies over the years that went nowhere all funded by our parents. By the late 2000s he just gave up but refused to get another job.
Our parents paid for his entire life, car, clothes, food, entertainment, wedding, (he was married 2 years and they lived with my parents) divorce, child support, medical bills, everything.
Our father was removed from a ventilitor earlier this year. His only job was to take care of them in exchange for funding his life. He did the bare minimum and complained about "chores".
We suggested moving mom to assistsed living because she was not doing well. Whatever wouldn't cover the cost we would sell their house. He hit the roof. Yelling, screaming threatening. We later figured out he didn't care about our mom's well being. He was approaching the age when most are prepping for retirement, for the first time in his life he faced the prospect of having to be an adult like the rest of us and pay his own bills and had no $$.
He apologized but living a life of leisure with no responsibility on our parents dime made him an entitled, lazy jerk who lashed out when reality started to set in.

So sorry this happened to your family. Certainly a cautionary tale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very common.

My stepsister was so violent that at 16/17, she had broken her mom’s bone. Caused tens of thousands of dollars of damage to our house, had multiple pregnancy scares, and became an alcoholic.

It was just a bad time period in her life. Thankfully, she’s 24 now, college educated, engaged, and doing well.

I highly doubt she won't revert back in times of stress.