High school senior wants to host a ski weekend at our country house. What rules would you dictate?

[Anonymous]

I'd limit it to 3 people. Enough to have a fun weekend away, but not a party. I'd also be present in the house. I would not have alcohol present in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh I bet they do

Right????

God people are so dumb

You do realize these are legal adults, right? Some of you are such freaks

They aren't of legal age for drinking and you know they will be doing that. This has to be a troll. No one can be this stupid.

Back in my day we would have brought water bottles with vodka pilfered from our parents liquor cabinets to sleep overs. The parents had no clue and we were 16, 17, 18.

We did this back in my day too. Which means we remember how teens who've been drinking vodka all night smell and how they act. I'm not saying no one could fool us, but someone usually got busted every time we really drank and the whole group paid for it. OP's dealing with 18 yr old guys and OP will be in same building and can walk through now and then and check on them. As long as they're not leaving the house, and the same group has been together at other families' houses and not gotten into trouble, why assume the worst will suddenly happen and OP will have no idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh I bet they do

Right????

God people are so dumb

You do realize these are legal adults, right? Some of you are such freaks

They aren't of legal age for drinking and you know they will be doing that. This has to be a troll. No one can be this stupid.

Back in my day we would have brought water bottles with vodka pilfered from our parents liquor cabinets to sleep overs. The parents had no clue and we were 16, 17, 18.

We did this back in my day too. Which means we remember how teens who've been drinking vodka all night smell and how they act. I'm not saying no one could fool us, but someone usually got busted every time we really drank and the whole group paid for it. OP's dealing with 18 yr old guys and OP will be in same building and can walk through now and then and check on them. As long as they're not leaving the house, and the same group has been together at other families' houses and not gotten into trouble, why assume the worst will suddenly happen and OP will have no idea?

You’re welcome to assume the risk, but I sure wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

1. No driving once they're there.

2. Discuss expectations (or lack thereof) as to whether they're there to ski, hang out, or a combo of the two. Nothing worse than wanting to ski and having to wait until 2pm for your buddies to get their butts out of bed. Or thinking you're going for a lazy weekend and having your buddies ready for first tracks at 7:00 a.m.

3. Each kid needs to give you a copy of their health insurance card and a temporary health POA. If someone gets hurt, this will make treatment and communication with parents much easier.

4. Dinner is at X o-clock each night. The whole herd is expected to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh I bet they do

Right????

God people are so dumb

You do realize these are legal adults, right? Some of you are such freaks

They aren't of legal age for drinking and you know they will be doing that. This has to be a troll. No one can be this stupid.

Back in my day we would have brought water bottles with vodka pilfered from our parents liquor cabinets to sleep overs. The parents had no clue and we were 16, 17, 18.

We did this back in my day too. Which means we remember how teens who've been drinking vodka all night smell and how they act. I'm not saying no one could fool us, but someone usually got busted every time we really drank and the whole group paid for it. OP's dealing with 18 yr old guys and OP will be in same building and can walk through now and then and check on them. As long as they're not leaving the house, and the same group has been together at other families' houses and not gotten into trouble, why assume the worst will suddenly happen and OP will have no idea?

You’re welcome to assume the risk, but I sure wouldn’t.

Cool on both fronts. With what OP has said is their situation, I'd do it. And totally fine that you would not. I did do it, and our kids had great times with their friends and I learned a lot more about who my kids' friends were from situations like this, since I was usually on for meal provision (cooking or picking up take out). I actually trusted their friend groups *more* after these things, for the most part (only a couple of friends I trusted less). And I respect that for you it seemed like a not worthwhile risky situation.

[Anonymous]

Just say no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh I bet they do

Right????

God people are so dumb

You do realize these are legal adults, right? Some of you are such freaks

They aren't of legal age for drinking and you know they will be doing that. This has to be a troll. No one can be this stupid.

Back in my day we would have brought water bottles with vodka pilfered from our parents liquor cabinets to sleep overs. The parents had no clue and we were 16, 17, 18.

We did this back in my day too. Which means we remember how teens who've been drinking vodka all night smell and how they act. I'm not saying no one could fool us, but someone usually got busted every time we really drank and the whole group paid for it. OP's dealing with 18 yr old guys and OP will be in same building and can walk through now and then and check on them. As long as they're not leaving the house, and the same group has been together at other families' houses and not gotten into trouble, why assume the worst will suddenly happen and OP will have no idea?

You’re welcome to assume the risk, but I sure wouldn’t.

Cool on both fronts. With what OP has said is their situation, I'd do it. And totally fine that you would not. I did do it, and our kids had great times with their friends and I learned a lot more about who my kids' friends were from situations like this, since I was usually on for meal provision (cooking or picking up take out). I actually trusted their friend groups *more* after these things, for the most part (only a couple of friends I trusted less). And I respect that for you it seemed like a not worthwhile risky situation.

Ok. How many years ago was this? Why are so many reliving their parenting glory days here?

[Anonymous]

As long as you and your husband are present the entire weekend it should be fine.

[Anonymous]

How well do you know these boys? I know my son's geeky friends pretty well and would have a comfort level with this. I would definitely go myself and have my usual expectation that I will pop in, and potentially join them for stuff like dinner.

I would say -- no driving around at night. When you are in, you are in. If they are skiing, I think that would be very normal -- most people who ski want to crash with a pizza and some junk food in the evening. I would have a high priority on boys arriving before dark.

Our HS had several boys killed a couple of years ago -- the boys were not drinkers, but were driving to a cabin getaway their senior year, and went off the mountain road in the dark. It was incredibly sad.

Everyone says the months leading up to graduation are the most dangerous time in an American kids' life and it's not just because of the drinking. They are all exhausted and emotional due to the AP exams, college decisions, feeling like everything is "one last time to do ____", etc. Most of them are living on Monster Energy Drinks and nostalgia. It all leads to a much higher risk level for driving and everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you and your husband are present the entire weekend it should be fine.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

If this were my son and his friends:
- ask for contact info for all kids and their parents and start a group text where you say you’re so happy to have them and lay out some house rules (no drinking/drugs, no driving after dark). Make sure you have emergency contact info for everyone.
- go in and talk to them the first night and go over expectations/house rules - drinking/driving/nothing x rated on tv/keep noise down after 11, clean up after yourself, what you’ll need help with the last morning, that you may be in and out of their unit, plus anything else you’d tell an Airbnb guest. Be warm and friendly, give them food, but make sure they know what you expect of them and that you’re keeping an eye out.
- talk to your son separately about how your priority is to keep everyone safe - and if anything unsafe is happening he needs to let you know about it. Reassure him you won’t freak out if there are problems and what you really need is for him to feel like he can come to you for help

If this were my friends kids, I’d assume there may be some drinking still, and would not totally freak out about it, but I want them to be on notice that I’m paying attention and will shut things down if I see anything problematic.

Also, they should wear helmets!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. No driving once they're there.

2. Discuss expectations (or lack thereof) as to whether they're there to ski, hang out, or a combo of the two. Nothing worse than wanting to ski and having to wait until 2pm for your buddies to get their butts out of bed. Or thinking you're going for a lazy weekend and having your buddies ready for first tracks at 7:00 a.m.

3. Each kid needs to give you a copy of their health insurance card and a temporary health POA. If someone gets hurt, this will make treatment and communication with parents much easier.

4. Dinner is at X o-clock each night. The whole herd is expected to be there.

Those are excellent rules! I didn't even think about asking for health insurance info, but then again I never took kids skiing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on kids’ personalities it could be totally fine or get crazy. You would have some insight into your DS’ friends. I think at that age some would certainly try to bring alcohol.

All boys, 18, good kids that we've known for a number of years, but still... boys. We are pretty much the only family that hasn't hosted anything social among the group (our main house is the smallest of dc's friends!) so I would like to find a way to do this. We will be there but in a connected part of the house with a separate entrance (dc and friends would be in the mother in law unit). What rules should I impose other than no drinking!

Ok, it's a plus that you already know them and there are no obvious troublemakers in the group and no totally unknown kids. But you still haven't said whether once they're up at your house, will the be driving anywere local to that house, like ski slopes or out to eat/hear music? No drugs or alcohol is the most basic obvious rule, but it's one thing if they'll pretty much just be in your house the entire time, vs. driving themselves to and from places while there.

OP here. Yes, they'll go skiing. I am considering whether to drive them to skiing, but I could see some kids wanting to take their own car to the slopes. It seems a little controlling for me to tell 18 year olds they can't drive their own cars during the day. Out at night- there are one or two places they might want to go, but they are walkable from our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. No driving once they're there.

2. Discuss expectations (or lack thereof) as to whether they're there to ski, hang out, or a combo of the two. Nothing worse than wanting to ski and having to wait until 2pm for your buddies to get their butts out of bed. Or thinking you're going for a lazy weekend and having your buddies ready for first tracks at 7:00 a.m.

3. Each kid needs to give you a copy of their health insurance card and a temporary health POA. If someone gets hurt, this will make treatment and communication with parents much easier.

4. Dinner is at X o-clock each night. The whole herd is expected to be there.

This is too much. Some good thoughts, but too intense.

[Anonymous]

I want my two dollars …