How much help did you need after first baby was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised how many partners didn’t have or take parental leave. So important for the mom to have some help/that support. First few weeks can be tough.

My brother works at a company where all the head honchos are in their 70's and think the company should be run as if it's the 1980's. My brother was able to push through two weeks of paternity leave but not in time for the birth of either of his own children, four years apart. That's how much effort it took. For two weeks.

Paternity leave is a career ender in many offices and professions.

[Anonymous]

A lot. Depends on your mom and sister. Will they be helpful or drive you crazy? Maybe do 2 weeks each?

[Anonymous]

My mom would take the baby from me and burp it, hold it upright and change it a put it back to bed. That was a huge help when that stuff takes an hour and the baby has to eat every two hours. Or she held the baby when it cried. She taught me how to nurse.

[Anonymous]

My parents were local so they stopped in frequently and brought meals and groceries for the first few weeks. My mom did some house cleaning since I had a c-section. DH was off for the first week and then headed back to the office. This was several years ago so no paternity leave program.

I must be an outlier because I didn’t want or need people staying here full time for weeks on end and was actually fine with being home solo with the baby while DH was in the office. It helped me establish a routine while I was on maternity leave. He pitched in as soon as he got home and did tons on weekends.

[Anonymous]

I had a baby who didn’t sleep well and breastfed, and I found having a baby to be pretty easy. This tracks since humanity wouldn’t continue and women wouldn’t be able to manage multiple kids if having a baby is as difficult as is claimed on the internet.

People scared me so much before my first child’s birth that I hired weekly cleaners and had a freezer full of food.

I ended up pretty bored and could have easily cleaned my house and cooked. I spent hours a day walking with a stroller because I had nothing to do.

[Anonymous]

If you have a complicated delivery and they’re actually there to work, it would be very helpful. Yes, everyone wants an uncomplicated birth and an easy baby, but some of US get the opposite.

[Anonymous]

My mom was great with helping with the baby but didn't help much with housework or cooking. She's local so it was still really useful to get her help. The main thing she did was come over in the morning so I could take a nap. She'd come over around when baby went down for his first nap and when he woke she would feed and change him, do tummy time or other activities and get him down for his next nap. In that time window I could take a shower or some other task then nap for up to 2 hrs. It helped me keep my sanity. When my second was born she did the same thing but was also watching our 2 yr old. Then for both my kids she watched them full time at her apartment while I went to work - for that part, she's an absolute saint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't have any help. Just two of us took turns to take care of the baby. It was hard but not impossible.

But if you had had the option of 6 weeks of help from people who would care well for you, would you have liked or appreciated it?

[Anonymous]

I had a very long, hard labor and was advanced maternal age . My husband and I were already exhausted by the time we got to the hospital to have the baby. I ended up having a lot of challenges breastfeeding and I pumped and we did bottles so there was lots of parts and bottles cleaning. My mom came after a few days and stayed 2 weeks and I cried like a sad hungry baby when she left. My husband did not have paternity leave but took a few days off after my mom left. I’m close to my mom and she is a worker, happy to hold baby or make dinner or do laundry. So she was pretty much the best. We would have been happy for her and also my dad to stay longer.

I agree with others that it depends on your relationships and how helpful your mom and sis might be. My friend’s mom sat in the couch and offered opinions the whole time, never provided a meal.

[Anonymous]

Oof. Not only did mine not come to help but they nagged round the clock until we visited. We finally did at 6 weeks and it was hell. Baby cried all night and there was no rocking chair. I was nursing and everyone was upset they couldn’t give the baby a bottle.

[Anonymous]

NP. My parents came and my mom stayed 2 weeks. My ILs came a few days after my mother left. They helped a lot. Honestly, we didn’t need it but I had a fantastic relationship with my grandmothers and wanted the same for DC even if the just come to take care of the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't have any help. Just two of us took turns to take care of the baby. It was hard but not impossible.

But if you had had the option of 6 weeks of help from people who would care well for you, would you have liked or appreciated it?

NP but no, I wouldn’t want any extra people staying with us for 6 weeks. Truly didn’t need it and DH and I wanted to spend the time getting used to being a family of 3.