How much help did you need after first baby was born.

[Anonymous]

My mother is offering to come stay with me for a month and my sister two weeks. Is that really necessary?

[Anonymous]

It depends how helpful they are. If your mom will sit on the couch and offer to "hold the baby" while you do all the cooking, cleaning and running her errands then no it won't be helpful. If she will cook, clean and tell you to go shower, go nap, etc., then yes it will be helpful.

When I went over to my SIL's house I remember mopping the floors, walking their dog, doing a load of towels and folding them, and cutting up apples for the toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends how helpful they are. If your mom will sit on the couch and offer to "hold the baby" while you do all the cooking, cleaning and running her errands then no it won't be helpful. If she will cook, clean and tell you to go shower, go nap, etc., then yes it will be helpful.

This! It’s wonderful to have help, but only if the helpers are actually helpful. If they expect to be entertained, are only there to "hold the baby" and will actually add more work to your plate, they can absolutely stay home. No one needs the stress of hosting a visitor for a month right after having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends how helpful they are. If your mom will sit on the couch and offer to "hold the baby" while you do all the cooking, cleaning and running her errands then no it won't be helpful. If she will cook, clean and tell you to go shower, go nap, etc., then yes it will be helpful.

When I went over to my SIL's house I remember mopping the floors, walking their dog, doing a load of towels and folding them, and cutting up apples for the toddler.

Yup. This.

[Anonymous]

If you and baby are healthy and you have time off and DH isn’t an ass and you’re go with the flow, you may not need much help.

That said, if your mom is someone who will clean your house and make you food and binge shows and go on walks and stare at your perfect baby, then what could be better?

[Anonymous]

I had twins and I still didn’t want anyone. I wanted the quiet bonding time for just my husband, the babies and I.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes. For first baby you will want their help.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want or need anyone's help.

[Anonymous]

Is your spouse going to be home? I definitely needed someone around for that first bit (c section).

[Anonymous]

I had a c section, a preemie baby that didn’t sleep and a husband that didn’t take a single day off work. My mom — who is a total worker bee — was so helpful. She did all the cooking and cleaning and even washed all my curtains and the clothes that the baby hadn’t yet grown into. I woke her every morning at 5 to hand her the baby so I could do sleep for a couple of hours. She left after a month and o almost threw myself out of a wkndow, largely because I had gotten bronchitis or something. But I think most people are really turning a corner after 2-4 weeks, depending a large amount on whether you had an easy delivery and whether your baby sleeps and eats. A baby that doesn’t sleep or eat well is so, so much more tiring. My next two babies ate and slept and it was like a totally different experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want or need anyone's help.

+1. It depends on your relationship with your mother and sister, OP. No, you don't really need the help, but it could be nice to have the company.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t need or want any help with any of my babies.

[Anonymous]

We didn't have any help. Just two of us took turns to take care of the baby. It was hard but not impossible.

[Anonymous]

My mom stayed with us, but she came when DS was 2 weeks old. DH has to go back to work for 3 weeks after that before he was able to take 4 months off.

My mom was also very helpful. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, organizing DS' stuff, watching him so I could nap, etc.

If DH hadn't been at work during this time, we really wouldn't have needed her.

[Anonymous]

In sum, you need to be really honest with yourself about both your spouse and your mom — are the the type that will just buckle down and do the work, ideally without you even having to tell them? It’s really helpful to have one person in the house who is that person.
One option is to ask your mom to stay for 1-2 weeks, and then have sort of a soft option to extend if you need her. And then if you don’t frame it as a positive — I’m doing so great mom thanks so much for coming!!