How much help did you need after first baby was born.

[Anonymous]

I only wanted DH, but he was going back to work after two weeks, so my parents came to help, and to their credit, they did help. Like PP, if my husband had been able to stay home longer, we wouldn't have needed anyone else.

[Anonymous]

It's good when spouse goes back to work. With a c section baby the recovery is harder and you can't lift things. Some babies sleep and are generally chill and sleepy. Some do not and cry and only want to be held. With those you need more help to have another set of hands so you can rest during the day more and just have people do things as you are totally exhausted.

[Anonymous]

I love my mom and sister very much but there is no way I’d want anyone coming to stay with after having a baby. I really enjoyed a quiet home with just me, DH, and the baby and did not feel like I needed help with anything.

Barring a complicated birth that leaves you unable to perform basic tasks there isn’t really all that much people can help with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had twins and I still didn’t want anyone. I wanted the quiet bonding time for just my husband, the babies and I.

+1. Not twins but with each of my kids I vastly preferred spending the time with them vs having other people around, even when DH went back to work.

[Anonymous]

My mom would have driven me absolutely insane if she'd come for a full month. She came for about five days and when she left I was relieved. She was not particularly helpful though and we've never had a great relationship. She has an uncanny ability to figure out exactly what to say to make me feel maximally bad about myself and anxious. If I had it to do again, I would would tell her I wasn't ready for guests and that we'd see her in a few months (when I was more adjusted to being a mom and the baby was sleeping and I could deal with her a bit better).

So I would suggest thinking about your relationship with your mom and sister and asking if you would *normally* enjoy having them there, and for that length of time. My experience is that it's not suddenly better to have family around because you have a baby, and in some ways it's worse because you're in the middle of something hard and vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

100 people could have come to my house and it would have been useless since they couldn’t pump for me, breastfeed for me or make me not have to do it every 2-3 hours. Rather, I would have been locked in a room with my top off while they did nothing all day.

It all depends what you want, but we used that time to bond as a family.

[Anonymous]

We had local help so they didn't stay with us. My mom made and brought fully cooked food so we didn't have to worry too much about that for a bit. My MIL came over and held the baby while I showered. It was a nice visit for her and it was helpful to a point. No one needed to be hosted or entertained etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends how helpful they are. If your mom will sit on the couch and offer to "hold the baby" while you do all the cooking, cleaning and running her errands then no it won't be helpful. If she will cook, clean and tell you to go shower, go nap, etc., then yes it will be helpful.

This! It’s wonderful to have help, but only if the helpers are actually helpful. If they expect to be entertained, are only there to "hold the baby" and will actually add more work to your plate, they can absolutely stay home. No one needs the stress of hosting a visitor for a month right after having a baby.

Be careful not to treat your family like your servant.

[Anonymous]

If you're old enough to choose to get pregnant then you are old enough to take care of yourself and your child.

[Anonymous]

I would love someone to come and help with cooking, as you need to eat to breastfeed

[Anonymous]

My mom helped A LOT for the first month or so (she’s local so obviously a little different because she went home every night) and it was wonderful. I was anxious and having trouble breastfeeding and I could just focus on the baby and healing and she helped with dishes and cooking and holding the baby so I could take a nap. After a few weeks we got into a rhythm and then were totally fine on our own.

I’d say if someone was offering and you know they’ll actually help, I’d take it!

[Anonymous]

Is your spouse home? If so, have your mom come for a couple weeks after he goes back to work and then go from there. These are your first weeks as a family of 3.

Also depends on relationships. Yours and your DHs with your mom. Do you both want her in your home for a month?

[Anonymous]

It was really helpful for me to have someone stay. My partner had no paternity leave.

Our birth was not picture perfect and I needed a lot of rest. Having someone to help with the household while I was able to feed baby and not walk around a lot made a big difference. I don’t know that I slept more, but I didn’t have to clean the kitchen or cook.

If you get along with your mom and she is interested in taking care of you as much as the baby, please let her come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100 people could have come to my house and it would have been useless since they couldn’t pump for me, breastfeed for me or make me not have to do it every 2-3 hours. Rather, I would have been locked in a room with my top off while they did nothing all day.

It all depends what you want, but we used that time to bond as a family.

I wish I had help because my mom was useless and DH was posted overseas. I could barely make enough milk because I never had enough food to eat. It was a nightmare. Take all the help you can get.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t need or want any help with baby (forget that it was height of Covid so wasn’t option.) so nice of mother to offer but for what it’s worth if there are no health complications and all parents have parental leave it’s nice to have that bubble alone. Prepare that feeding will be harder than you expect - most important that baby and dr. stay in close communication in early days and baby gets fed.