"Quiet quitting" your husband is the Millennial avoidant version of Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the article, but I think a lot of marriages go through a phase like this. Life is long. Marriage is long. It’s fine to have a few years where your marriage isn’t your priority.

I agree. I did read the article and felt like they also needed to talk to people who had moved past this phase. Some divorce but some get back together. I went through this phase but I'm older now and spend more time with my husband again. It isn't necessarily the end of the road.

Thats good to know how long did you keep your distance? Was it hard to get back?

PP here. I would say for about 10 years which started at the 12 year mark. I got into my job and had a volunteer thing that was kind of a second job for a lot of years. I just focused on myself, my kids and my mom, helping her in old age. I think I just focused more on the present moment than I had before. I just changed myself rather than focusingon the relationship and I was happy. I stopped centering him in my psyche. My husband went through some emotional unhappiness and I just waited it out in a way. He did things separately too. I often avoided him because he became too opinionated or negative to listen to. I looked to friends for fun and conversation. In the past few years we started to talk more and we make a point of be physically affectionate every day. It's not like the early years but that's fine--I don't want it to be. We have been married over 30 years. I also saw a similar thing happen in my parents' marriage where they drifted apart and pursued separate interests but came back together. They both remained independent but content together. Also, neither of us cheated during these years. If that had happened then it would have ended the marriage.

I’ve noticed that a lot of the women who complain most about their husbands don’t have enough going on. Often SAHMs completely focused on their family. They don’t need a divorce. They need job, cleaning lady and a vacation without family members.

Eh, women who work also complain about their husbands.

The issue is people thinking all of their happiness should derive from their spouse. It's a recipe for disaster for men and women. Have a life. A job is good but if you don't have a job you can still have friends, hobbies, other interests.

I think people often get bored and blame their spouse but it's your own fault. I'm not even talking about sex, but including sex. If you don't want life to get monotonous and boring, you need to learn to be a self-starter. There is so much to do in this world, but you have to try. So many people don't try and then are like "why didn't this other person solve all my problems for me?" So lazy.

[Anonymous]

It's the economy, stupid.

In boom years, people feel more confident going out on their own, without their spouse. In uncertain times, there are fewer splits and fewer kids, because both cost serious money.

But the idea of being married and not giving a damn has been around for ever, OP. For most of civilization, woman couldn't just walk out on their husbands.