"Quiet quitting" your husband is the Millennial avoidant version of Divorce

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the article, but I think a lot of marriages go through a phase like this. Life is long. Marriage is long. It’s fine to have a few years where your marriage isn’t your priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughters to not start families with men. Tell them tonight. Repeat it often.

When I was growing up my mom said that she was against gay marriage because if it was socially acceptable for women to marry each other, no one would marry men anymore. [/quote

Ha! She wasn’t wrong. Too many men are looking for a mommy to take care of them. Ladies, know what and who you’re signing up for before you commit!!

[Anonymous]

This describes my feelings to a T and then some. I do struggle with whether I in my marriage once the kids launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughters to not start families with men. Tell them tonight. Repeat it often.

When I was growing up my mom said that she was against gay marriage because if it was socially acceptable for women to marry each other, no one would marry men anymore.

Why would your mom care if women stopped marrying men they don't want to marry?

"Even though we don't want these men, don't need these men, and we have alternatives, we will continue to marry them and be miserable."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the article, but I think a lot of marriages go through a phase like this. Life is long. Marriage is long. It’s fine to have a few years where your marriage isn’t your priority.

My entire marriage has mostly been annoyances with maybe 25 percent good.

[Anonymous]

The wealthy have always done this. My parents friends where Julie basically lived at the beach house and her husband lived in town and it had nothing to do with him, she just really liked the beach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wealthy have always done this. My parents friends where Julie basically lived at the beach house and her husband lived in town and it had nothing to do with him, she just really liked the beach.

Yes.

I grew up working class and it wasn’t uncommon among that crowd either. Usually it was the man, and he would stay “at the hunting cabin” or “at his parents’ farm to help out” etc. most of the time. Coming “home” periodically. Same excuses- just far simpler (and in some cases quite rustic) accommodations. Obviously everyone kind of knew the real deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wealthy have always done this. My parents friends where Julie basically lived at the beach house and her husband lived in town and it had nothing to do with him, she just really liked the beach.

Yes.

I grew up working class and it wasn’t uncommon among that crowd either. Usually it was the man, and he would stay “at the hunting cabin” or “at his parents’ farm to help out” etc. most of the time. Coming “home” periodically. Same excuses- just far simpler (and in some cases quite rustic) accommodations. Obviously everyone kind of knew the real deal.

“Traveling for work.”

[Anonymous]

Do millennials think they invented this? This is literally the oldest thing in the book and was probably way more common back when people didn’t have a lot of choice about who they married and/or barely knew the person they married.
I feel like divorce was popular for a brief moment among boomers and now we’ve settled back to the more historical norm of a variety of solutions to not great marriages, which includes “quiet quitting” as well as a whole range of other accommodations that fall short of full legal divorce.

[Anonymous]

I mean to be fair the oldest millennials are 44 and this is just about broadly speaking women over 40, so I don't think it's a millennial thing

[Anonymous]

Didn't know there was a name for what I'm now doing after telling him for decades that I'm not happy. Now I just feel sad I'm not worth the low effort on his end and sad that he will never know what being Open to another human feels like. I feel sorry for him too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wealthy have always done this. My parents friends where Julie basically lived at the beach house and her husband lived in town and it had nothing to do with him, she just really liked the beach.

Yes, the article described investment bankers who basically live separate lives mostly from their spouses and send their kids to boarding school and everyone just comes together for vacations and holidays and stuff. That's always been common among that set!

[Anonymous]

I think this feels novel to millennials because there is this expectation among a lot of millennials that your marriage will be some idealized best friendship but with sex and kids. I don't think prior generations ever expected this.

Millenials are also more status and image conscious than older generations, in my observation. Because of social media -- many millennials started adulthood either right as social media really got going, or after it was in full swing. They invented stuff like wedding hashtags, destination and joint bachelor/bachelorette parties, and instagramming their honeymoons. I think when there is an expectation that your marriage be publicly displayed in this way, there's also an expectation that you be super connected and in sync. It's a very romanticized view of marriage and I'm not surprised if 5, 10, 15 years on, many of these folks are belatedly realizing that it is unrealistic to maintain this kind of marriage. Especially with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the article, but I think a lot of marriages go through a phase like this. Life is long. Marriage is long. It’s fine to have a few years where your marriage isn’t your priority.

I agree. I did read the article and felt like they also needed to talk to people who had moved past this phase. Some divorce but some get back together. I went through this phase but I'm older now and spend more time with my husband again. It isn't necessarily the end of the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the article, but I think a lot of marriages go through a phase like this. Life is long. Marriage is long. It’s fine to have a few years where your marriage isn’t your priority.

I agree. I did read the article and felt like they also needed to talk to people who had moved past this phase. Some divorce but some get back together. I went through this phase but I'm older now and spend more time with my husband again. It isn't necessarily the end of the road.

Thats good to know how long did you keep your distance? Was it hard to get back?