"Quiet quitting" your husband is the Millennial avoidant version of Divorce

[Anonymous]

Marriages are made for quiet quitting. The whole point of marriage is to form a partnership that supports you so you can focus on more pressing issues like career and childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriages are made for quiet quitting. The whole point of marriage is to form a partnership that supports you so you can focus on more pressing issues like career and childcare.

That's rediculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the article, but I think a lot of marriages go through a phase like this. Life is long. Marriage is long. It’s fine to have a few years where your marriage isn’t your priority.

I agree. I did read the article and felt like they also needed to talk to people who had moved past this phase. Some divorce but some get back together. I went through this phase but I'm older now and spend more time with my husband again. It isn't necessarily the end of the road.

Thats good to know how long did you keep your distance? Was it hard to get back?

PP here. I would say for about 10 years which started at the 12 year mark. I got into my job and had a volunteer thing that was kind of a second job for a lot of years. I just focused on myself, my kids and my mom, helping her in old age. I think I just focused more on the present moment than I had before. I just changed myself rather than focusingon the relationship and I was happy. I stopped centering him in my psyche. My husband went through some emotional unhappiness and I just waited it out in a way. He did things separately too. I often avoided him because he became too opinionated or negative to listen to. I looked to friends for fun and conversation. In the past few years we started to talk more and we make a point of be physically affectionate every day. It's not like the early years but that's fine--I don't want it to be. We have been married over 30 years. I also saw a similar thing happen in my parents' marriage where they drifted apart and pursued separate interests but came back together. They both remained independent but content together. Also, neither of us cheated during these years. If that had happened then it would have ended the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Millennial writers slapping a TikTok label on something women have been doing for decades. This trend reads as so utterly uninsightful and self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

This indeed has been happening forever. I grew up on a farm, and there was a small cabin on it that my great-grandfather built to live in separate from the main house after all the children grew up so that he and my great-grandmother could finally just completely avoid each other.

[Anonymous]

Women are still running away from marriage, but just doing it by "ghosting" now instead of paperwork with .Gov?

Have to say am not surprised in the least. Younger generations are massively introverted and weak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriages are made for quiet quitting. The whole point of marriage is to form a partnership that supports you so you can focus on more pressing issues like career and childcare.

That's rediculous.

DP. You could debate what is and isn't "more pressing" but surely you know that is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughters to not start families with men. Tell them tonight. Repeat it often.

Yeah, right. Moms are the biggest pushers in the world. “Get married. Have some grandkids.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughters to not start families with men. Tell them tonight. Repeat it often.

When I was growing up my mom said that she was against gay marriage because if it was socially acceptable for women to marry each other, no one would marry men anymore.

Women/Women marriages literally have a 74% divorce rate. Its the highest of any coupling. You can’t have a couple where both parties are just seething with resentment for the other.

Male/Male gay marriages have the lowest divorce rate (29%) and Male/Female “cis” marriages have a 54% divorce rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughters to not start families with men. Tell them tonight. Repeat it often.

When I was growing up my mom said that she was against gay marriage because if it was socially acceptable for women to marry each other, no one would marry men anymore.

Women/Women marriages literally have a 74% divorce rate. Its the highest of any coupling. You can’t have a couple where both parties are just seething with resentment for the other.

Male/Male gay marriages have the lowest divorce rate (29%) and Male/Female “cis” marriages have a 54% divorce rate.

That's because men have a penchant for monogamy, while women are much less monogamous and tend to stray and cheat.

Very few marriages are ended due to the man, as women file for the vast majority of divorces, around 70-90% depending on demographics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughters to not start families with men. Tell them tonight. Repeat it often.

When I was growing up my mom said that she was against gay marriage because if it was socially acceptable for women to marry each other, no one would marry men anymore.

Women/Women marriages literally have a 74% divorce rate. Its the highest of any coupling. You can’t have a couple where both parties are just seething with resentment for the other.

Male/Male gay marriages have the lowest divorce rate (29%) and Male/Female “cis” marriages have a 54% divorce rate.

That's because men have a penchant for monogamy, while women are much less monogamous and tend to stray and cheat.

Very few marriages are ended due to the man, as women file for the vast majority of divorces, around 70-90% depending on demographics.

You think marriages between men are more monogamous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do millennials think they invented this? This is literally the oldest thing in the book and was probably way more common back when people didn’t have a lot of choice about who they married and/or barely knew the person they married.
I feel like divorce was popular for a brief moment among boomers and now we’ve settled back to the more historical norm of a variety of solutions to not great marriages, which includes “quiet quitting” as well as a whole range of other accommodations that fall short of full legal divorce.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Im basically at this point. My husband has already quiet quit our marriage by spending all his time at work or the pub. I won't divorce because what would be the point? It would be just hurtful to our kids and everyone would end up poorer. I don't want another man because it will probably just be the same bullshit but less money.
I like the previous posters advice about focusing on yourself and looking outside the marriage for fulfilment. Maybe one day my husband will want to participate more on the marriage but I'm not holding my breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the article, but I think a lot of marriages go through a phase like this. Life is long. Marriage is long. It’s fine to have a few years where your marriage isn’t your priority.

I agree. I did read the article and felt like they also needed to talk to people who had moved past this phase. Some divorce but some get back together. I went through this phase but I'm older now and spend more time with my husband again. It isn't necessarily the end of the road.

Thats good to know how long did you keep your distance? Was it hard to get back?

PP here. I would say for about 10 years which started at the 12 year mark. I got into my job and had a volunteer thing that was kind of a second job for a lot of years. I just focused on myself, my kids and my mom, helping her in old age. I think I just focused more on the present moment than I had before. I just changed myself rather than focusingon the relationship and I was happy. I stopped centering him in my psyche. My husband went through some emotional unhappiness and I just waited it out in a way. He did things separately too. I often avoided him because he became too opinionated or negative to listen to. I looked to friends for fun and conversation. In the past few years we started to talk more and we make a point of be physically affectionate every day. It's not like the early years but that's fine--I don't want it to be. We have been married over 30 years. I also saw a similar thing happen in my parents' marriage where they drifted apart and pursued separate interests but came back together. They both remained independent but content together. Also, neither of us cheated during these years. If that had happened then it would have ended the marriage.

I’ve noticed that a lot of the women who complain most about their husbands don’t have enough going on. Often SAHMs completely focused on their family. They don’t need a divorce. They need job, cleaning lady and a vacation without family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughters to not start families with men. Tell them tonight. Repeat it often.

Yeah, right. Moms are the biggest pushers in the world. “Get married. Have some grandkids.”

Normalize it.

Normalize women telling daughters, nieces, friends, sisters, family, other women, the truth about marriage and parenting.