When AP is an "upgrade"...

[Anonymous]

OP, unfortunately there’s nothing you can do except try to financially prepare for a divorce. Definitely invest in yourself more looks, education, career. Begging or threatening never works in the long run. Just focus on yourself and disconnect from him.

[Anonymous]

"My father married his AP. Honestly, she is an upgrade from my mother.
No kids first marriage adores me, wanted no kids - had none. Has a career. Kept it.

Simply being honest."

I've seen this happen multiple times. I see it a lot in the military. An ambitous and smart guy from a low-income background can easily outgrow the highschool sweetheart he married at 18 if she isn't also working hard on improving herself. Does she still behave like a cashier from rural Alabama while they're spending time with his peers now that he's moved up the ranks? My partner is a retired senior officer and the differences in the wives of these men from that generation (late 50s-early 60s) would blow your mind. There are the ones like me (highly successful professionals - lawyers, profs, physicians) and then there are the ones who managed to hang on to their husbands for the past 30 years who never went to college. It can make for awkward social gatherings. It's the same with "following spouses" in the State Dept. For the next generation, the wives/husbands of these officers and diplomats are all stars in their own right and are intellectually and socially on par with their spouses. A spouse without a degree or some extraordinary talent wouldn't fit in these days and would even be a drag on one's career.

I also wonder why you think every first wife won over their husband in completely ethical ways. For all you know, the husband was once her best friend's boyfriend. Maybe she developed a mental illness and refused to get treatment for it. Maybe she was drop dead gorgeous and he failed to notice that she actually isn't a very kind or loving human. Maybe she's a terrible mom. Not every wife whose husband cheated with an AP was an angel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My father married his AP. Honestly, she is an upgrade from my mother.
No kids first marriage adores me, wanted no kids - had none. Has a career. Kept it.

Simply being honest."

I've seen this happen multiple times. I see it a lot in the military. An ambitous and smart guy from a low-income background can easily outgrow the highschool sweetheart he married at 18 if she isn't also working hard on improving herself. Does she still behave like a cashier from rural Alabama while they're spending time with his peers now that he's moved up the ranks? My partner is a retired senior officer and the differences in the wives of these men from that generation (late 50s-early 60s) would blow your mind. There are the ones like me (highly successful professionals - lawyers, profs, physicians) and then there are the ones who managed to hang on to their husbands for the past 30 years who never went to college. It can make for awkward social gatherings. It's the same with "following spouses" in the State Dept. For the next generation, the wives/husbands of these officers and diplomats are all stars in their own right and are intellectually and socially on par with their spouses. A spouse without a degree or some extraordinary talent wouldn't fit in these days and would even be a drag on one's career.

I also wonder why you think every first wife won over their husband in completely ethical ways. For all you know, the husband was once her best friend's boyfriend. Maybe she developed a mental illness and refused to get treatment for it. Maybe she was drop dead gorgeous and he failed to notice that she actually isn't a very kind or loving human. Maybe she's a terrible mom. Not every wife whose husband cheated with an AP was an angel.

We get it. You’re an AP making all kinds of rationalizations for your behavior.

[Anonymous]

I'm PP and I most definitely was not the AP. They divorced after she threw him out because she felt she deserved a better lifestyle than he could provide at that stage in his career. (She never found anyone to marry her who could provide more than the alimony he paid.) He had two multi year relationships before he ever met me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My father married his AP. Honestly, she is an upgrade from my mother.
No kids first marriage adores me, wanted no kids - had none. Has a career. Kept it.

Simply being honest."

I've seen this happen multiple times. I see it a lot in the military. An ambitous and smart guy from a low-income background can easily outgrow the highschool sweetheart he married at 18 if she isn't also working hard on improving herself. Does she still behave like a cashier from rural Alabama while they're spending time with his peers now that he's moved up the ranks? My partner is a retired senior officer and the differences in the wives of these men from that generation (late 50s-early 60s) would blow your mind. There are the ones like me (highly successful professionals - lawyers, profs, physicians) and then there are the ones who managed to hang on to their husbands for the past 30 years who never went to college. It can make for awkward social gatherings. It's the same with "following spouses" in the State Dept. For the next generation, the wives/husbands of these officers and diplomats are all stars in their own right and are intellectually and socially on par with their spouses. A spouse without a degree or some extraordinary talent wouldn't fit in these days and would even be a drag on one's career.

I also wonder why you think every first wife won over their husband in completely ethical ways. For all you know, the husband was once her best friend's boyfriend. Maybe she developed a mental illness and refused to get treatment for it. Maybe she was drop dead gorgeous and he failed to notice that she actually isn't a very kind or loving human. Maybe she's a terrible mom. Not every wife whose husband cheated with an AP was an angel.

Do they tell people they met through cheating? Cheaters say no one cares, yet how often do people tell you the truth about how they got together? Few people respect relationships that begin this way. It’s easy ( i guess?) to boast on an anonymous website about a cheating happily ever after. Is this the same story they tell friends, co workers? If they don’t tell the truth with their full chest, there is the real answer.