When AP is an "upgrade"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no such thing as an "upgrade," this is a homewrecker and he is a cheater.

This^ 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a man wants to stay, he will. If he needs a sales pitch, he’s already gone.

This! Read Mel Robbins’ book Let Them or listen to her podcasts. He’s told you where you fall in his life’s pecking order. Are you okay being married to someone because you were able to convince him divorce would cost too much and be inconvenient?

[Anonymous]

No woman or man who is unable to find someone without poaching from someone else is an upgrade. Ever. When cheaters get together and stay together, that's good for the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not better, she only thinks she is because she believed lies.

Men know what they cheat with.., women with daddy issues, and/or loose moral value system, easily duped and pathetic even if their packaging has curb appeal.

Every single one of my friends who hooked up with a married man, always thought they were better. They never were.

Lovely people you choose as friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you convinced your DH to stay what did you do or say? Was it about the kids or something else? I'm not talking about a midlife crisis affair going nowhere that involves someone way too young with no brains but someone who might be a serious match if he was single and is prettier, more successful, more together. Haters please don't comment and don't ask me why I'd want to be with someone like that.

Think of it like he is gay and met a man

Tell him you understand but you still want amicable co-parenting. Open yourself to meeting someone new for you, and don't hide it.

Either he'll realize he doesn't want to lose you, or you need to split.

[Anonymous]

There is such a thing as an upgrade or even a downgrade for that matter. To tell yourself there isn’t is a complete delusion. In fact, even gorgeous, highly successful people are cheated on. And many times the person their partner gets is a downgrade. You are associating the cheating partners’ actions and character to the AP and they are totally different entities. What about when the AP doesn’t know that the person is married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a man wants to stay, he will. If he needs a sales pitch, he’s already gone.

This! Read Mel Robbins’ book Let Them or listen to her podcasts. He’s told you where you fall in his life’s pecking order. Are you okay being married to someone because you were able to convince him divorce would cost too much and be inconvenient?

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as an upgrade or even a downgrade for that matter. To tell yourself there isn’t is a complete delusion. In fact, even gorgeous, highly successful people are cheated on. And many times the person their partner gets is a downgrade. You are associating the cheating partners’ actions and character to the AP and they are totally different entities. What about when the AP doesn’t know that the person is married?

Well then you can let her know and that case disappears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should grow up enough to understand that if you’re dissatisfied in your relationship, changing the person doesn’t help. He’ll feel the same way with the new woman in a few years. If he’s too stupid to see it, I’m not sure there’s much you can do.

This is a nutso statement. People can change or do a very good job of hiding who they are. Man or woman.

PP, you are not immune from following the patterns you’ve been living out your whole life. If you feel disconnected, unappreciated, and resentful 10 years in with your spouse, there’s a 99% chance you’ll feel that way 10 years in with someone new. You can either work for years to better yourself in therapy if you need guidance, or you can hold your breath and hope you can outrun it because maybe you have more money or no children with the new person so that makes things easier. But let me tell you, wherever you go, there you are.

[Anonymous]

Manufacture a medical crisis and see if that'll do the trick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you convinced your DH to stay what did you do or say? Was it about the kids or something else? I'm not talking about a midlife crisis affair going nowhere that involves someone way too young with no brains but someone who might be a serious match if he was single and is prettier, more successful, more together. Haters please don't comment and don't ask me why I'd want to be with someone like that.

Let's talk about your self-esteem.

No person is an "upgrade" over another person. She might be a better fit for him, but a personal "upgrade" offends me, as all human beings have worth.

Now, take a look at yourself and give yourself some love.

Very much agreed, all people have value and worth and no one is “better” than anyone else. Your spouse should love you so much that they make you feel like you are the only upgrade they will ever need!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as an upgrade or even a downgrade for that matter. To tell yourself there isn’t is a complete delusion. In fact, even gorgeous, highly successful people are cheated on. And many times the person their partner gets is a downgrade. You are associating the cheating partners’ actions and character to the AP and they are totally different entities. What about when the AP doesn’t know that the person is married?

Oh please! In this day and age only the willfully ignorant don’t know if someone is married or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should grow up enough to understand that if you’re dissatisfied in your relationship, changing the person doesn’t help. He’ll feel the same way with the new woman in a few years. If he’s too stupid to see it, I’m not sure there’s much you can do.

This is a nutso statement. People can change or do a very good job of hiding who they are. Man or woman.

PP, you are not immune from following the patterns you’ve been living out your whole life. If you feel disconnected, unappreciated, and resentful 10 years in with your spouse, there’s a 99% chance you’ll feel that way 10 years in with someone new. You can either work for years to better yourself in therapy if you need guidance, or you can hold your breath and hope you can outrun it because maybe you have more money or no children with the new person so that makes things easier. But let me tell you, wherever you go, there you are.

I agree with not being able to change the person. I do not agree that everyone presents themself honestly. The man who marries and then has sex on the side with some chick while his wife gives birth is a fake father and husband and has duped his wife. You can't change the husband, sure it makes sense for the duped spouse to reevaluate the person once they find out the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as an upgrade or even a downgrade for that matter. To tell yourself there isn’t is a complete delusion. In fact, even gorgeous, highly successful people are cheated on. And many times the person their partner gets is a downgrade. You are associating the cheating partners’ actions and character to the AP and they are totally different entities. What about when the AP doesn’t know that the person is married?

ALL the time !!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s not better, she only thinks she is because she believed lies.

Men know what they cheat with.., women with daddy issues, and/or loose moral value system, easily duped and pathetic even if their packaging has curb appeal.

Every single one of my friends who hooked up with a married man, always thought they were better. They never were.

Lovely people you choose as friends.

Yes some of my friend ended up having serious mental health issues and I was a friend to them, it is quite lovely being a good friend through it all.