Child might appear privledged on paper

[Anonymous]

DCUM is really the worst.

I don't know the kid's issue/s, but the obvious way of dealing with a complex issue on a college app is to let the counselor speak to it, if you want to disclose it. If the issue isn't hard to explain, kid can do this themselves in additional information section. Only if it can be explained in 1-2 sentences. "I was hospitalized a total of 44 days over two stays in 10th grade for issues surrounding Juvenile Lupus and NMO, a chronic issue now managed with twice-yearly infusions. I haven't missed a day of school since my treatments began."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is info that can go in the counselor letter. GL!

This is 100% the answer. Make sure the GC knows. Or a teacher she is close to. It is more credible and means more when it comes from someone else (especially if your kid doesn't view their success through that lens authentically, which is great in every other way). Ignore the people who say it doesn't matter: It absolutely could. I have a friend who overcame insane health issues and got into every college to which he applied. Absent those issues, he was another impressive rich-ish white male from Westchester; with the issues, he's an insanely impressive person. His issues are physically obvious so GL and teachers knew to reach out to his parents for background, but there is no reason you can't be proactive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s super manipulative of you OP. To want your kid to play on a storyline that for him/her isn’t so significant all for the purposes of gaming admissions. Be thankful that they regard their life as ‘normal’ and let them write whatever they want to write in their essay.

Ignore this poster. Making sure your child's accomplishments are framed in the appropriate context is your job as a parent and smart, not manipulative. It IS more impressive to overcome, say, hemophilia and everything that goes along with it and still succeed than to succeed without those obstacles. I guarantee you that statistics would show that a lower percentage of kids with serious illnesses end up at top tier colleges for a multitude of reasons.

I had a teacher who wrote a letter (which I only saw after the fact) highlighting how my parents very acrimonious divorce was a factor in less good grades early on in a way that was true, I never considered mentioning (and probably wasn't full aware of at the time) and provided good context. My parents hated each other so much that if I forgot a book or assignment at one house, I could not access it until the next week... even if it would only have required a parent to email it to the other parent; a last minute class schedule swap (which my school did sometimes if there was a snow day or other unexpected event) was a disaster for me. It meant that the level of executive functioning required for me to succeed was much higher than for the average kid and I struggled with it in 8th and 9th grade. As I matured and got use to the set up, I was able to plan ahead, make multiple copies of things, finish assignments weeks before they were due, etc to avoid issues. All of this is nowhere near as a big of a deal than a serious illness, it's just to say that knowing the context can matter and can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Privileged people can have challenges. That doesn’t make them not privileged.

There are different types of privileges, but yes, privileged people can have challenges.

DC has a reading disability that made most of HS challenging, depression, anxiety, panic attacks. DC has always been a sensitive child. But, they are still privileged compared to most people in this county, both materially and having a supportive family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were the “poorest” in an ultra wealthy zip code too. Renters. Making as much all year as half the people in the zip code made in a month.

In hindsight, it was a bad decision. I think it hurt my kid’s law school admits. Kid was likely assumed to be wealthy, connected, and all the privileges in the world. Not the case.

Sorry, OP. I don’t have an answer. Just empathizing.

Bullshit. Law school is all about test scores and GPA and has virtually nothing to do with anything else and you’re just making excuses.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's a myth that colleges want poor kids with screwed up lives.

They want mentally well adjusted kids who are prepared for college and can afford tuition. if that's how your daughter appears on paper, let them think that

I agree with you in theory, but they want *diversity* and if this appears to be a rich white kid they might put them at the bottom of the list. Or maybe the endowments will be hurting by then and it helps? Who knows.

They only want a certain type of diversity. They want racial and socioeconomic diversity. They don’t want kids with medical disabilities or kids who may be troubled because those kids may be hard for a college to accommodate.

My kid with medical issues didn’t mention any of them on their application for that reason.

Interesting perspective. I wonder if there is any data to support that idea that they actually discriminate.

DP It’s just common sense from a business standpoint. Anecdotally, my MIL is a high ranking administrator at a university and she warned us about this when my kids applied. They want to uplift as many kids as they can, but they do not want to increase risk or liability.

And this is one reason why DEI is off putting to so many. The idea that a URM kid from a Mc/umc family should get an admissions advantage over a white kid who is managing a serious illness strikes many as unfair.

Life isn’t fair. Some kids are smarter than others. Some kids can focus better than others. Some kids are physically healthier than others.

That’s just life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It's a myth that colleges want poor kids with screwed up lives.

They want mentally well adjusted kids who are prepared for college and can afford tuition. if that's how your daughter appears on paper, let them think that

I agree with you in theory, but they want *diversity* and if this appears to be a rich white kid they might put them at the bottom of the list. Or maybe the endowments will be hurting by then and it helps? Who knows.

They only want a certain type of diversity. They want racial and socioeconomic diversity. They don’t want kids with medical disabilities or kids who may be troubled because those kids may be hard for a college to accommodate.

My kid with medical issues didn’t mention any of them on their application for that reason.

Interesting perspective. I wonder if there is any data to support that idea that they actually discriminate.

DP It’s just common sense from a business standpoint. Anecdotally, my MIL is a high ranking administrator at a university and she warned us about this when my kids applied. They want to uplift as many kids as they can, but they do not want to increase risk or liability.

And this is one reason why DEI is off putting to so many. The idea that a URM kid from a Mc/umc family should get an admissions advantage over a white kid who is managing a serious illness strikes many as unfair.

Life isn’t fair. Some kids are smarter than others. Some kids can focus better than others. Some kids are physically healthier than others.

That’s just life.

I agree, but you could also throw race into your list - ie some kids are born as URM and some aren’t. It’s impossible to judge who has the most challenges in their life. Life isn’t fair, so using merit as the standard is the best option.

[Anonymous]

Similar story for my kid, OP. I had suggested that he write about a very big, very difficult health situation (with lasting consequences) and the essay he wrote was so... well, it was like he was so over it that he couldn't even remember the pain or struggle at all. He just glossed over the topic and clearly did not believe (or remember!) what a huge deal the experience had been. On the one hand, I realized it was not a very compelling essay - and I told him that honestly, especially because I had originally suggested the topic - so he started over. But on the other hand, reading the essay made me realize how far he had come, how much he didn't view himself as damaged or hindered in any way. And this was such an amazingly moving realization that I took it as a big win for him. Sure, I would have loved for his courage and hard work to be recognized. But I'll take the comfort with himself and confidence any day.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my kid had multiple surgeries and hospitalizations and he is resilient. But he doesn’t remember any of it. He was bullied at his middle school and we pulled him, but when he talks about that school that’s not what he remembers.

I was talking about it with my daughter last week - they are the same age - about all the special protocols we had for feeding him and my daughter said “wow mom! You used to do a lot!” We feel it. The kids thankfully don’t remember it. Has it contributed to their character? Probably. But they remember being loved and cared for.

[Anonymous]

There's a section on the common app to describe any challenges. You could put a brief description there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disease is incompatible with life but yet the host lives to 18+ and can attend college??

You've never met someone with type I diabetes have you? Make a mistake with insulin and you're dead pretty quick. Lots of people live with diseases like that.

No, that’s not what “incompatible with life” means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...but has overcome a lot. We live in the richest city in this area. I raised my child as a single Mom and we've both had to survive the instability of Dad who is a repeat-offender, convicted abuser. Add to that that child was diagnosed with a chronic, incompatible-with-life disease at a young age. So everything child has accomplished comes with all that baggage.

Apparently I did a really good job because child does not recognize any of this as challenges that have been overcome. Child has always just excelled and never gives it a second thought. So would absolutely never consider discussing this in an essay.

What would your thoughts be? Child isn't just some rich kid but absolutely might come off as that based simply on geography.

I think the real key is how best to hide the indicia of white privilege on your child’s university application?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a section on the common app to describe any challenges. You could put a brief description there.

+1 Challenges with health could definitely go there. Also, if your child is first generation to attend college (FGLI) obviously that is something that gets recorded as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disease is incompatible with life but yet the host lives to 18+ and can attend college??

You've never met someone with type I diabetes have you? Make a mistake with insulin and you're dead pretty quick. Lots of people live with diseases like that.

No, that’s not what “incompatible with life” means.

+1 Maybe in 1825 yes, but not now. I have never heard anyone with Type I diabetes describe their disease that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What disease is incompatible with life but yet the host lives to 18+ and can attend college??

You've never met someone with type I diabetes have you? Make a mistake with insulin and you're dead pretty quick. Lots of people live with diseases like that.

This. my sibling has it. I cannot imagine having a baby with it. I would have never slept before CGM.