18yo not showering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are admittedly younger so take this with a grain of salt.

I absolutely tell my 12 year old that he needs to shower. Depending on how bad he smells after basketball practice he even has to shower as soon as he gets home (before sitting down to eat.) He groans and whines but I am very blunt that he smells and I don’t want the house to smell like BO.

I can’t imagine tiptoeing around the issue in 5 years. Partly because it’s never been our dynamic and partly because my kids know me. I’m not taking them out to eat at a restaurant when they smell. (Hopefully they manage their own hygiene independently by then, but if they stumble, they can expect a very direct reaction from me. Plus, who else aside from your mom can tell you that you smell and you need a new deodorant without damaging the relationship?)

+1. I have two girls in HS who play sports. We've always addressed proper hygiene very directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he ASD and you are in denial? Is cleaning himself a sensory experience he finds painful or too unpleasant? There are things to do for that but just assuming he likes to stink isn't one of them. Did you bury the lede?

Not on the spectrum. Was tested multiple times as a kid.

That's odd. Why was he tested so much?

We live in NYC. There is a robust early intervention program here.

[Anonymous]

Update: DS is showering and attending to bodily odors. Peer pressure from friends really helped. They have commented that he doesn't smell so bad anymore.

[Anonymous]

That's a good update, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a good update, OP!

Yes, thanks and such a relief for me and my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Visited ds at college this weekend. He smelled of bo and his breath was horrible. I know he is showering and doing laundry but it’s clearly not enough. DH didn’t want me to make too much of it and claimed he couldn’t smell it but ds stinks!!! I brought it up once during our visit. I also asked him to arrive to one of the events showered and in clean clothes. He came smelling of bo wearing the same shirt as the day before but different jeans. He said no one cares, but I found his bo smell really strong. He’s made new friends and girls were saying hi to him. HELP! Any suggestions about how to get him to attend to his personal hygiene would be appreciated. tia

Be upfront and direct with him. Better him be embarrassed by you than someone else. If he doesn't eventually work it out, someone will say something.

I was terrible at that age, didn’t shower for days, wore the same clothes for a week at a time and didn’t shave much. It wasn’t until an embarrassing experience that I woke up to myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: DS is showering and attending to bodily odors. Peer pressure from friends really helped. They have commented that he doesn't smell so bad anymore.

So happy for you! I have a tween girl who goes completely bananas when I try to convince her to shower. She IS mild ASD/adhd. I’ve had to get all crafty teaching her to be more aware of social norms. It seems to be mostly working, but there are gaps when I am relieved she isn’t a full fledged oily teen yet.

[Anonymous]

Your son is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is weird.

Why weird?

I think it’s fairly normal for some guys his age. As I said above, I was terrible when I was 18, not showering and wearing the same clothes. I also had a habit of having favorite underwear that I wore over and over. I figured that if no one could see them then why did it matter.