18yo not showering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has anxiety - I don’t know - does he need a clear checklist of basic hygiene? In addition to subtle or not subtle parent comments, would he benefit from (would it calm some anxiety) to have a clear this is what most healthy people do each day list?

I'll run that by DH. He would be the best person to introduce that. If I ask ds if he's showered, flossed, etc. he'll just lie to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen how dirty many younger kids are these days? Unkempt beards, girls with leg and pit hair and even facial hair. Boys with hair a muss and BO, and even girls with BO and cats following them.

Being gross apparently is the cool thing now. It's probably weed.

Oh no!!!! The horrors. Girls with leg hair and pit hair!!!!!!!!!!! Totally unaccaptable. Especailly if followed by cats.

Even facial hair!!!!

[Anonymous]

My kids are admittedly younger so take this with a grain of salt.

I absolutely tell my 12 year old that he needs to shower. Depending on how bad he smells after basketball practice he even has to shower as soon as he gets home (before sitting down to eat.) He groans and whines but I am very blunt that he smells and I don’t want the house to smell like BO.

I can’t imagine tiptoeing around the issue in 5 years. Partly because it’s never been our dynamic and partly because my kids know me. I’m not taking them out to eat at a restaurant when they smell. (Hopefully they manage their own hygiene independently by then, but if they stumble, they can expect a very direct reaction from me. Plus, who else aside from your mom can tell you that you smell and you need a new deodorant without damaging the relationship?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has anxiety - I don’t know - does he need a clear checklist of basic hygiene? In addition to subtle or not subtle parent comments, would he benefit from (would it calm some anxiety) to have a clear this is what most healthy people do each day list?

I'll run that by DH. He would be the best person to introduce that. If I ask ds if he's showered, flossed, etc. he'll just lie to me.

OP why do you think he lies to you about this topic? What else does he lie about? Also, if he was ruled out for ASD, what *did* the neuropsychologist find and what supports does he have in place currently?

[Anonymous]

At least you don’t have to worry he’s having sex at college!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you don’t have to worry he’s having sex at college!

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen how dirty many younger kids are these days? Unkempt beards, girls with leg and pit hair and even facial hair. Boys with hair a muss and BO, and even girls with BO and cats following them.

Being gross apparently is the cool thing now. It's probably weed.

Oh no!!!! The horrors. Girls with leg hair and pit hair!!!!!!!!!!! Totally unaccaptable. Especailly if followed by cats.

That's how being a cat lady starts. The cats just know. Then they follow you.

[Anonymous]

Gotta ask the obvious…

What does his roommate say? I would be grossed out living with someone with terrible hygiene. That just isn’t okay in a shared space

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you don’t have to worry he’s having sex at college!

Oh you sweet summer child!

[Anonymous]

If there are no other signs of a mental health crisis going on, you have to let it go. He is 18 and living at college. Your ability to make sure he is showering, wearing deodorant, and brushing his teeth has ended. I know it’s hard- but this is out of your control now. It’s on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotta ask the obvious…

What does his roommate say? I would be grossed out living with someone with terrible hygiene. That just isn’t okay in a shared space

I have to ask the obvious…

Does he go to a small engineering college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he should improve his hygiene, but I’d be very concerned about his mental health if this is unusual for him. Was he different in any other ways? Any other signs he’s struggling?

Thank you for asking. He’s taking anti-anxiety meds but this no showering/teeth brushing long proceeds college.

Then why would you expect it to change?

Was hoping that he would mature in college/experience some peer pressure.

That's not how it works unfortunately. I also think his MH needs to be reevaluated his anxiety is probably comorbid with depression. Also might need a med adjustment new med. In the meantime you or his dad should say something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen how dirty many younger kids are these days? Unkempt beards, girls with leg and pit hair and even facial hair. Boys with hair a muss and BO, and even girls with BO and cats following them.

Being gross apparently is the cool thing now. It's probably weed.

Oh no!!!! The horrors. Girls with leg hair and pit hair!!!!!!!!!!! Totally unaccaptable. Especailly if followed by cats.

Even facial hair!!!!

Nasty right? Unkept people with lack of hygeine is a sign of mental illness or drug use, or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he ASD and you are in denial? Is cleaning himself a sensory experience he finds painful or too unpleasant? There are things to do for that but just assuming he likes to stink isn't one of them. Did you bury the lede?

Not on the spectrum. Was tested multiple times as a kid.

That's odd. Why was he tested so much?

[Anonymous]

Schizophrenia often manifests around college age.