“Change of Life” babies - If you were born to older or elderly parents, what was your life like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have personal experience but I am on a caregivers’ forum and the threads from younger kids of elderly parents regularly pop up and it’s heartbreaking when you are 20 and have to care for a 70 yo senior with cognitive decline and physical health issues.

Sounds awful. I kept an eye on elderly relative for years and it was a lot of work.

I think people who choose to have kids in their 50s should have a plan for their old age that does not involve leaning on their 20-something kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have personal experience but I am on a caregivers’ forum and the threads from younger kids of elderly parents regularly pop up and it’s heartbreaking when you are 20 and have to care for a 70 yo senior with cognitive decline and physical health issues.

Sounds awful. I kept an eye on elderly relative for years and it was a lot of work.

I think people who choose to have kids in their 50s should have a plan for their old age that does not involve leaning on their 20-something kids.

The same for any parent of any age. Consider all the people you knew without parents by the time you graduated high school.

I have a friend who’s parents died of aids in the 90s both gone in their thirties when she was a toddler-preschooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an acquaintance who had her first at 50 and her second at 53, a couple of years ago. (Frozen eggs). I think it's kind of crazy to have kids in your 50s, especially as the mother.

I'm in my late 50s and my youngest is in college.

We don’t get to define what works for someone else or what they need. I’m 64 and have a college freshman. I became a parent when I could.

[Anonymous]

My dad was 58 when I was born and my mom was 39. Everyone thought he was my grandfather when I was a kid. My mom was also considered very old for a woman to have her first baby. It wasn’t always the easiest but I’m in my 40s now and fine. Had my own kids young so they got to know their grandparents. My mom is almost 82 now and in amazing shape mentally and physically. My dad died at almost 96 5 years ago. He was also in good health until the end though he’d had a number of health scares during my youth including a massive heart attack when I was 9 which was was scary. The upside of his health issues is that I’m pretty comfortable navigating health issues now and don’t get freaked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother was 37, dad 39. Both worked full time. They had less physical energy to do things like play ball outside, run after me to help me learn to ride a bike, etc.

At 37?! Like. What? That’s insane.

Well by the time I was 7 they were 44 and 46 and had demanding physical jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if people still use the term these days but what became of those born later in life to older parents? How old were your parents? How long did they end up living after your birth?

You mean an “oops” baby?

[Anonymous]

My grandmother had a "change of life baby", my Uncle. He was only a couple of years older than his older brothers' kids and he lost his father by age 20. He had so much more freedom than his older brothers, who were raised very strictly by my grandparents. He ended up being a cool hippie, doing the Peace Corps, etc. It's funny to see him now as a Grandfather because to me he was always a young, hip guy compared to my Dad and Uncles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

That’s like saying you might die in a car accident even if you’re wearing a seatbelt, so what difference does it make if you decide not to wear one?

No it's not! pp is giving an example of a young mother who died young. She was 6 when her mom died. The story shows that age is no guarantee. Here is another example: my friend and I are the same age. My mom was 27 when I was born, her mom was 54 when she adopted my friend. Our moms died the same year. We had the same amount of time with our moms. We were 38 when they died, my mom was 65, her mom was 92.

NP. Apparently you don’t like math or facts or statistics. If you have a baby when you are older, you are more likely to die when they are younger, your anecdotal stories aside.

If you don’t wear a seatbelt and are involved in a dangerous crash, you are more likely to be seriously harmed or die.

Jeesh, people on here are so dim [/quote]
If you have to explain your weird and incongrous analogy, you are the dim one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

That’s like saying you might die in a car accident even if you’re wearing a seatbelt, so what difference does it make if you decide not to wear one?

No it's not! pp is giving an example of a young mother who died young. She was 6 when her mom died. The story shows that age is no guarantee. Here is another example: my friend and I are the same age. My mom was 27 when I was born, her mom was 54 when she adopted my friend. Our moms died the same year. We had the same amount of time with our moms. We were 38 when they died, my mom was 65, her mom was 92.

NP. Apparently you don’t like math or facts or statistics. If you have a baby when you are older, you are more likely to die when they are younger, your anecdotal stories aside.

If you don’t wear a seatbelt and are involved in a dangerous crash, you are more likely to be seriously harmed or die.

Jeesh, people on here are so dim [/quote]
If you have to explain your weird and incongrous analogy, you are the dim one.

That “NP” means new poster. It was not the same poster. It was someone else who understands that while there will always be exceptions, statistically, people are more likely to die in their 50s and 60s than their 30s and 40s. Furthermore, every year that passes, you are one year closer to your death regardless of your age at death. The later in life you have a child, the less time they will have you in their life, assuming that child enjoys a typical lifespan. Yes, you may die at 36 or 106. Still, your risk of dying is higher at 46 than at 36, higher at 56 than at 46, higher at 66 than at 56, etc. The fact that some people die in their twenties doesn’t change any of that.

[Anonymous]

My parents had me when they were 38 (mom) and 42 (dad).

Then they accidentally got pregnant 5 years later so my mom was 43 and my dad was 47 when my surprise TWIN brothers were born.

It was fine for me, but harder for my brothers. I had my kids at 25 & 27 so I feel like i put my parents on track to be regular aged grandparents. However, my brothers are 34 now and still not even married and I know they're both sad that our parents will be firmly elderly when /if they have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if people still use the term these days but what became of those born later in life to older parents? How old were your parents? How long did they end up living after your birth?

You mean an “oops” baby?

Ooops babies could be at any age. This is specifically pre-menopause, period-menopause or into menopause stage of life IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Numerous studies have shown that women that have kids older live longer and healthier.

Yes, it's possible that women who can conceive naturally at older ages are biologically "younger" than their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Numerous studies have shown that women that have kids older live longer and healthier.

Yes, it's possible that women who can conceive naturally at older ages are biologically "younger" than their age.

True. There is 42 and then 42. The range of energy and abilities really varies.

[Anonymous]

My mom was 46 and my dad early 50s. They were my foster parents from 9 months old and adopted me when I was 3. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 4. My mom raised myself and two older siblings on her own. It wasn't until I really became a jparent that I could reflect on how stressful and overwhelming that was for her and understand things like how she was really hard on my brother who could act out, or me for being a pain about certain things.

When I was 27, she had a stroke and I am very thankful for my older siblings who were able to provide care for her while I was just getting started in life with a new job in a new city. She died a year later.

It can feel sad that I don't have my own parent in my life at all anymore when I see how close others are, such as my DH, with their parents in adulthood. On the other hand, I also see the aging of my in laws approaching and feel weirdly relieved that I have already put that difficult part of life behind me and we can focus on handling just one set of aging parents instead of two.

[Anonymous]

Life is unpredictable. As is death.

There are no guarantees that anyone will meet their grandkids.

My parents had me when they were 24. But both my grandfathers died before then, in their 40s. Fluke things.

I did know my grandmothers - one was at my wedding and one died shortly before.