“Change of Life” babies - If you were born to older or elderly parents, what was your life like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad was 51 when I was born as the youngest of three. I was always worried about his health and felt older than my age. He was often mistaken for my grandfather. And he died when I was 19 and in college.

My mom was also older than average but there was a big gap in age with my dad. She passed away when I was in my late 40s but was declining mentally before then. I felt sad that my kids didn’t have much of a relationship with a grandparent on my side.

I do not recommend having a child when you are in your 40s or later.

YOu have no idea if your parents would have been good grandparents. For all you know, if their health had been better they would have been off traveling. Or they may have moved away. There's no way to say. I thought my parents would have been more involved but they were done with kids by the time I had mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandpa was 41 when his first child was born.

He lived to be 99.

It was a normal parenting experience.

I have a friend who married a divorced man in his 50s. They had two kids. He died of cancer in his 70s during his younger son's senior year of high school.

That wasn’t change of life. Back then people had a lot more kids, and “change of life” referred to women’s age. People remarried more quickly and older men with younger wives had plenty of kids onto their 50s look at Pres Taylor! His last grandsons died in, what, the last ten years? The man was born around the time of the American Revolution.

[Anonymous]

Someone in my community, a young woman, lost her beloved DH to cancer not too long ago. Their child is a toddler.

Good health and long life are not guaranteed for anyone.

[Anonymous]

I have an acquaintance who had her first at 50 and her second at 53, a couple of years ago. (Frozen eggs). I think it's kind of crazy to have kids in your 50s, especially as the mother.

I'm in my late 50s and my youngest is in college.

[Anonymous]

12:45 and 12:56 are prime examples of change of life babies — older mother (usually when she thought she couldn’t have any more) and often with a big(ger) gap between them and next youngest sibling (if they have any). This was neither good nor bad. It just was.

[Anonymous]

I had a neighbor who had an unplanned pregnancy when her older two were 8 and 10. I rarely even talked to this woman, yet multiple times she talked about all the great traditions and big holidays and elaborate decorations they had for her first two kids, but how she was tired and not into it anymore, so kid #3 had to put up decorations herself if she wanted any. It made me sad that she said stuff like that so freely.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

My DH was born (youngest of 4) when his mother was 42 and his father 44. I think he had a pretty normal upbringing. It was different from the upbringing of his eldest sibling (11 years older) in some ways, but not worse (in some ways better). FIL lived to 95 and MIL to 101, so they were around for a good long time.

Our DC1 was born when the ILs were 75 and 77, and still very active. They were very involved grandparents and my kids (now in their 20s) have fond memories of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

That’s like saying you might die in a car accident even if you’re wearing a seatbelt, so what difference does it make if you decide not to wear one?

[Anonymous]

For those that don’t know the phrase “change of life” is when a woman thinks she can no longer conceive and typically is approaching if not already in what she thought was menopause.

[Anonymous]

My dad was born when my grandma was 40. She lived to 97.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

That’s like saying you might die in a car accident even if you’re wearing a seatbelt, so what difference does it make if you decide not to wear one?

No, it’s like saying that even if you are wearing a seatbelt (*even if you have kids young), you might die anyway (*you might. It have a long grandparent experience). Which is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:45 and 12:56 are prime examples of change of life babies — older mother (usually when she thought she couldn’t have any more) and often with a big(ger) gap between them and next youngest sibling (if they have any). This was neither good nor bad. It just was.

This seems like it used to be quite common. FIL was 16 when his sister was born with no kids in between. They are actually very close as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is guaranteed. I lost my mother when I was 6. She was 28 when I was born and that was only after cancer treatment. The cancer wasn't supposed to come back but it did and she died at 34.

There are no guarantees in life.

That’s like saying you might die in a car accident even if you’re wearing a seatbelt, so what difference does it make if you decide not to wear one?

No, it’s like saying that even if you are wearing a seatbelt (*even if you have kids young), you might die anyway (*you might. It have a long grandparent experience). Which is true.

How is a parent’s dying young relevant to a discussion about midlife babies? Once you’re already midlife, having kids young isn’t an option anymore. The options are having a baby midlife or not having a baby midlife. A real consideration is that no matter how healthy and active you remain or how much longer you live, you have 10 fewer years ahead of you when you’re 45 than you had at 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if people still use the term these days but what became of those born later in life to older parents? How old were your parents? How long did they end up living after your birth?

Nobody really cares about this except a small segment of rich Americans.

I have siblings that are over 20 years apart in age.