Device usage when hanging with friends

[Anonymous]

Have to say I’m really surprised by some of these responses and now grateful that my kids’ friend group is comprised primarily of parents who try to limit this stuff.

They play games, play outside, bake treats. It requires the tiniest bit of effort (parents saying “no screens”) but it’s very possible. And no, it doesn’t kill their social lives. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plan a fun activity or take them out. Its boring just being at a house for hours with nothing to do.

That’s life! Figure it out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have a phone bucket at the front door but be ready for the other parents to be enraged.

Yes, and honestly, my kid would never go to a house again where a parent took their phone.

No way. I want my kid to call me if they are sick or not comfortable.

FFS they didn’t say they couldn’t call if they were sick or uncomfortable. They can get their phone for that. You don’t need it every second!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have a phone bucket at the front door but be ready for the other parents to be enraged.

Yes, and honestly, my kid would never go to a house again where a parent took their phone.

No way. I want my kid to call me if they are sick or not comfortable.

FFS they didn’t say they couldn’t call if they were sick or uncomfortable. They can get their phone for that. You don’t need it every second!

But they have to stand by the basket to use it? How ridiculous. My child wouldn’t be coming back to your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have a phone bucket at the front door but be ready for the other parents to be enraged.

Yes, and honestly, my kid would never go to a house again where a parent took their phone.

No way. I want my kid to call me if they are sick or not comfortable.

FFS they didn’t say they couldn’t call if they were sick or uncomfortable. They can get their phone for that. You don’t need it every second!

But they have to stand by the basket to use it? How ridiculous. My child wouldn’t be coming back to your house.

Same. And you want the kid to say that they are uncomfortable because of the creepy controlling parents (you) so can they please have their phones to text their own parents. While you guard the basket and watch. No.

[Anonymous]

It seems an easy fix, actually. Just backload the screen time. When my kids were that age, I actively planned activities. Not baking because they didn’t want to be me around me but I would take them to the mall or laser tag or some other activity, get some food or order pizza and then by that time it was like 9:00 or 10:00 and they could be on screen/ watch movies whatever until however long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems an easy fix, actually. Just backload the screen time. When my kids were that age, I actively planned activities. Not baking because they didn’t want to be me around me but I would take them to the mall or laser tag or some other activity, get some food or order pizza and then by that time it was like 9:00 or 10:00 and they could be on screen/ watch movies whatever until however long.

One of the PPs here and that’s fine and age appropriate but some of the posters want to cut the wifi and cells off at 9 or 10, like they are young kids. That’s why you are seeing such strong responses here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Movies are long-form content that you do for a fixed period of time. When you watch a movie together you are all watching on one screen and are focused on one activity. Social media often involves short quick content that is personalized to you through an algorithm designed to be addictive. The content is constantly changing and there are numerous ways to be distracted (new topic, comments, links, etc.) Neither is necessarily physically active but they are not the same experiences.

The middle-schoolers in my neighborhood do play outside. Not all the time but they will do things like play flashlight tag or capture the flag. Many times when people on DCUM ask for things to make their homes more tween/teen friendly people will say a firepit or trampoline.

When I was that age we spent alot of time just talking. Like for hours. We would be doing other things like playing a board game or making up dances but so much of our time was just talking and hanging out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Movies are long-form content that you do for a fixed period of time. When you watch a movie together you are all watching on one screen and are focused on one activity. Social media often involves short quick content that is personalized to you through an algorithm designed to be addictive. The content is constantly changing and there are numerous ways to be distracted (new topic, comments, links, etc.) Neither is necessarily physically active but they are not the same experiences.

The middle-schoolers in my neighborhood do play outside. Not all the time but they will do things like play flashlight tag or capture the flag. Many times when people on DCUM ask for things to make their homes more tween/teen friendly people will say a firepit or trampoline.

When I was that age we spent alot of time just talking. Like for hours. We would be doing other things like playing a board game or making up dances but so much of our time was just talking and hanging out.

I agree with all of this, screen time is not the devil, but its good for kids to get away from it for a while. I along with my friends and middle school in the mid 90s played outside as well, playing out alot in 6th and 7th grades especially. I just don't think its so crazy to suggest that tweens and teens get off screens and go outside.

[Anonymous]

I was a teen in the late 90s. Most sleepovers involved movies, video games and if we went outside we were playing ding dong ditch and other games. Usually we as teenage girls went outside to hang with the teenage boys.

Back then texting and phone mins became free after 8pm? So the few of us who had flip phones would try to text and we would call.

I dont think this is a hill I would die on. With rules like that, the kids will not want to stay at your house. I find out a lot of stuff about my teenagers when their friends are over. Pick your battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have a phone bucket at the front door but be ready for the other parents to be enraged.

Yes, and honestly, my kid would never go to a house again where a parent took their phone.

No way. I want my kid to call me if they are sick or not comfortable.

They can ask for their phone to call home. NOt exactly an emergency situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a teen in the late 90s. Most sleepovers involved movies, video games and if we went outside we were playing ding dong ditch and other games. Usually we as teenage girls went outside to hang with the teenage boys.

Back then texting and phone mins became free after 8pm? So the few of us who had flip phones would try to text and we would call.

I dont think this is a hill I would die on. With rules like that, the kids will not want to stay at your house. I find out a lot of stuff about my teenagers when their friends are over. Pick your battles.

This wouldn't be my hill to die on for a sleepover either. I'm just honestly shocked at how many parents are ok with so much screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Movies are long-form content that you do for a fixed period of time. When you watch a movie together you are all watching on one screen and are focused on one activity. Social media often involves short quick content that is personalized to you through an algorithm designed to be addictive. The content is constantly changing and there are numerous ways to be distracted (new topic, comments, links, etc.) Neither is necessarily physically active but they are not the same experiences.

The middle-schoolers in my neighborhood do play outside. Not all the time but they will do things like play flashlight tag or capture the flag. Many times when people on DCUM ask for things to make their homes more tween/teen friendly people will say a firepit or trampoline.

When I was that age we spent alot of time just talking. Like for hours. We would be doing other things like playing a board game or making up dances but so much of our time was just talking and hanging out.

OP specially said the kids don’t have social media, and were using the phones for creative things like making up dances and shooting videos.

I get that watching movies with people is better for kids than scrolling social media. I don’t see how it’s better for kids than using devices with friends for creative purposes, whether that’s shooting and editing videos, baking from online recipes, watching videos to learn a skill (my kid this age loves those paint and sip type videos) etc . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Movies are long-form content that you do for a fixed period of time. When you watch a movie together you are all watching on one screen and are focused on one activity. Social media often involves short quick content that is personalized to you through an algorithm designed to be addictive. The content is constantly changing and there are numerous ways to be distracted (new topic, comments, links, etc.) Neither is necessarily physically active but they are not the same experiences.

The middle-schoolers in my neighborhood do play outside. Not all the time but they will do things like play flashlight tag or capture the flag. Many times when people on DCUM ask for things to make their homes more tween/teen friendly people will say a firepit or trampoline.

When I was that age we spent alot of time just talking. Like for hours. We would be doing other things like playing a board game or making up dances but so much of our time was just talking and hanging out.

OP specially said the kids don’t have social media, and were using the phones for creative things like making up dances and shooting videos.

I get that watching movies with people is better for kids than scrolling social media. I don’t see how it’s better for kids than using devices with friends for creative purposes, whether that’s shooting and editing videos, baking from online recipes, watching videos to learn a skill (my kid this age loves those paint and sip type videos) etc . . .

I think we're in agreement. But someone specifically asked what the difference is between watching a movie and social media so I was answering that.

Also OP then said that it was nonstop Roblox at this specific sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to say I’m really surprised by some of these responses and now grateful that my kids’ friend group is comprised primarily of parents who try to limit this stuff.

They play games, play outside, bake treats. It requires the tiniest bit of effort (parents saying “no screens”) but it’s very possible. And no, it doesn’t kill their social lives. At all.

+1

I know that kids that age are eager to act and do older things but they are actually in an in between stage where they still enjoying more kid-friendly activities. Sometimes they just need to feel comfortable to do that.

Baking kits, Chopped competitions, escape room in a box, doing nails, making your own body scrub, board games, mad libs, painting kits, crafts, flashlight tag, water balloon fights, karaoke machine, etc are all options. You don't need to manage it as a parent but just provide the supplies and gently encourage.