Device usage when hanging with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Young teens do or at least they did. Nothing wrong with this suggestion. It's good for them

I don't know any teens who just play outside.

Maybe not anymore, but they did. Maybe you and your friends didn't, but plenty did.

At 12? My friends and I certainly weren't playing outside regularly at 12 back in 1996. We did go to the mall and movies. MDw home videos and music videos. Listened to music made mixes. Gossiped . Called friends, called boys, talked about crushes, did makeup, walked to the beach or store.. Look you and op can make whatever rules you want and stick to whatever ever idealized version of adolescence you want. But the important thing is your daughter told you she doesn't want to have her friends over because you are so rigid. Not saying you have to have a total free for all but you might consider that and the kind of relationship that you want with her as she moves further into adolescence. You aren't setting up that foundation. If you're freaking over screentime you're not going to handle other things well.

I personally would let the screen thing go. But if you can't id suggest a collaborative vs controlling approach. What you did was controlling and embarrassing for your daughter.
You should have let it go for the evening.
Then next time your DD has a sleepover let her know that you'd prefer you don't want them on screens all evening and you'll be shutting it off at x time.

And have her brainstorm some activities . And you have to give a lot here realize they are 12 and might not want to play dolls, play outside and bake. Don't micromanage the brainstorming and do not micromanage when they are over. You go relax elsewhere and check in on occasion.
It's transition time mama embrace it and grow into a new relationship with your daughter.

Yes at 12, I was also 12 in 96 and lots of 12 year olds played outside. Why wouldn't they?

NP and did you even read this post? We were gushing over magazines of NKOTB and watching MTV all night while we prank called boys during sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

No, this is not appropriate at this age. Back off. This isn’t the elementary forum.

You either provide them with activities or you don't complain. Maybe yours have unlimited spending power in your home, mine do not. So, if they wanted activities, it would have to be through us, paid for by us.

You changed topics. Now you are talking about who pays for activities. First you said parents had to be involved and plan the activities. No, parents should not be involved and planning activities for middle school and older sleepovers. Sure, they should pay for any supplies needed when kids plan them. They are too old for mommy to be planning crafts and cookie time.

Then don’t complain they are on electronics. You will not get involved so they choose easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Young teens do or at least they did. Nothing wrong with this suggestion. It's good for them

I don't know any teens who just play outside.

Maybe not anymore, but they did. Maybe you and your friends didn't, but plenty did.

At 12? My friends and I certainly weren't playing outside regularly at 12 back in 1996. We did go to the mall and movies. MDw home videos and music videos. Listened to music made mixes. Gossiped . Called friends, called boys, talked about crushes, did makeup, walked to the beach or store.. Look you and op can make whatever rules you want and stick to whatever ever idealized version of adolescence you want. But the important thing is your daughter told you she doesn't want to have her friends over because you are so rigid. Not saying you have to have a total free for all but you might consider that and the kind of relationship that you want with her as she moves further into adolescence. You aren't setting up that foundation. If you're freaking over screentime you're not going to handle other things well.

I personally would let the screen thing go. But if you can't id suggest a collaborative vs controlling approach. What you did was controlling and embarrassing for your daughter.
You should have let it go for the evening.
Then next time your DD has a sleepover let her know that you'd prefer you don't want them on screens all evening and you'll be shutting it off at x time.

And have her brainstorm some activities . And you have to give a lot here realize they are 12 and might not want to play dolls, play outside and bake. Don't micromanage the brainstorming and do not micromanage when they are over. You go relax elsewhere and check in on occasion.
It's transition time mama embrace it and grow into a new relationship with your daughter.

Yes at 12, I was also 12 in 96 and lots of 12 year olds played outside. Why wouldn't they?

NP and did you even read this post? We were gushing over magazines of NKOTB and watching MTV all night while we prank called boys during sleepovers.

I did read the post, and at 12, we did some of the same things, but we definitely still played outside. I was responding to the post saying they didnt play outside at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused how watching a movie is less "screen time" than something active like filming videos or playing roblox.

I'm equally confused how these kids are using your wifi. I have never provided my wifi code to a kid who came over with my phone, they all have have cell signal.

We have no reception in our house but that aside, if one person is on the WiFi with an Apple device (my DD) you can automatically share the password with any other devices that request it. So your kids may be sharing it with their friends without you knowing.

OK, that still doesn’t address how active social creative activities that involve screens are worse than passively watching a movie on a screen.

Idk about you, but when my friends and I got together to watch movies at home, ot was never passive. We almost never didnt interact during the movie.

Did you interact more than you would making your own movie together?

Maybe not, but we did interact, it's not like we just silently starred at a screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone puts their phones in a basket near the front door when they come in the house. They can use it if they need but only standing near the basket.

That would work under the 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

You can have a phone bucket at the front door but be ready for the other parents to be enraged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can have a phone bucket at the front door but be ready for the other parents to be enraged.

Yes, and honestly, my kid would never go to a house again where a parent took their phone.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why some parents are so ok with their kids being on screens all the time, especially for kids this young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Young teens do or at least they did. Nothing wrong with this suggestion. It's good for them

I don't know any teens who just play outside.

Maybe not anymore, but they did. Maybe you and your friends didn't, but plenty did.

At 12? My friends and I certainly weren't playing outside regularly at 12 back in 1996. We did go to the mall and movies. MDw home videos and music videos. Listened to music made mixes. Gossiped . Called friends, called boys, talked about crushes, did makeup, walked to the beach or store.. Look you and op can make whatever rules you want and stick to whatever ever idealized version of adolescence you want. But the important thing is your daughter told you she doesn't want to have her friends over because you are so rigid. Not saying you have to have a total free for all but you might consider that and the kind of relationship that you want with her as she moves further into adolescence. You aren't setting up that foundation. If you're freaking over screentime you're not going to handle other things well.

I personally would let the screen thing go. But if you can't id suggest a collaborative vs controlling approach. What you did was controlling and embarrassing for your daughter.
You should have let it go for the evening.
Then next time your DD has a sleepover let her know that you'd prefer you don't want them on screens all evening and you'll be shutting it off at x time.

And have her brainstorm some activities . And you have to give a lot here realize they are 12 and might not want to play dolls, play outside and bake. Don't micromanage the brainstorming and do not micromanage when they are over. You go relax elsewhere and check in on occasion.
It's transition time mama embrace it and grow into a new relationship with your daughter.

Yes at 12, I was also 12 in 96 and lots of 12 year olds played outside. Why wouldn't they?

NP and did you even read this post? We were gushing over magazines of NKOTB and watching MTV all night while we prank called boys during sleepovers.

You were NOT gushing over magazines of NKOTB in 1996. 1990 maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Young teens do or at least they did. Nothing wrong with this suggestion. It's good for them

I don't know any teens who just play outside.

Maybe not anymore, but they did. Maybe you and your friends didn't, but plenty did.

At 12? My friends and I certainly weren't playing outside regularly at 12 back in 1996. We did go to the mall and movies. MDw home videos and music videos. Listened to music made mixes. Gossiped . Called friends, called boys, talked about crushes, did makeup, walked to the beach or store.. Look you and op can make whatever rules you want and stick to whatever ever idealized version of adolescence you want. But the important thing is your daughter told you she doesn't want to have her friends over because you are so rigid. Not saying you have to have a total free for all but you might consider that and the kind of relationship that you want with her as she moves further into adolescence. You aren't setting up that foundation. If you're freaking over screentime you're not going to handle other things well.

I personally would let the screen thing go. But if you can't id suggest a collaborative vs controlling approach. What you did was controlling and embarrassing for your daughter.
You should have let it go for the evening.
Then next time your DD has a sleepover let her know that you'd prefer you don't want them on screens all evening and you'll be shutting it off at x time.

And have her brainstorm some activities . And you have to give a lot here realize they are 12 and might not want to play dolls, play outside and bake. Don't micromanage the brainstorming and do not micromanage when they are over. You go relax elsewhere and check in on occasion.
It's transition time mama embrace it and grow into a new relationship with your daughter.

Yes at 12, I was also 12 in 96 and lots of 12 year olds played outside. Why wouldn't they?

NP and did you even read this post? We were gushing over magazines of NKOTB and watching MTV all night while we prank called boys during sleepovers.

You were NOT gushing over magazines of NKOTB in 1996. 1990 maybe.

Is the year that important? I meant when I was 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision them doing?

I don’t know, maybe playing outside since it was really nice yesterday, talking/gossiping, watching a movie, baking. There is plenty to do that doesn’t require having a phone or iPad in your hand for more than 6 hours straight, no?

Teens don't play outside, whatever that means. What's the difference from social media or a move. Did you set up baking and help them? You need to be involved and provide activities.

Young teens do or at least they did. Nothing wrong with this suggestion. It's good for them

I don't know any teens who just play outside.

Maybe not anymore, but they did. Maybe you and your friends didn't, but plenty did.

At 12? My friends and I certainly weren't playing outside regularly at 12 back in 1996. We did go to the mall and movies. MDw home videos and music videos. Listened to music made mixes. Gossiped . Called friends, called boys, talked about crushes, did makeup, walked to the beach or store.. Look you and op can make whatever rules you want and stick to whatever ever idealized version of adolescence you want. But the important thing is your daughter told you she doesn't want to have her friends over because you are so rigid. Not saying you have to have a total free for all but you might consider that and the kind of relationship that you want with her as she moves further into adolescence. You aren't setting up that foundation. If you're freaking over screentime you're not going to handle other things well.

I personally would let the screen thing go. But if you can't id suggest a collaborative vs controlling approach. What you did was controlling and embarrassing for your daughter.
You should have let it go for the evening.
Then next time your DD has a sleepover let her know that you'd prefer you don't want them on screens all evening and you'll be shutting it off at x time.

And have her brainstorm some activities . And you have to give a lot here realize they are 12 and might not want to play dolls, play outside and bake. Don't micromanage the brainstorming and do not micromanage when they are over. You go relax elsewhere and check in on occasion.
It's transition time mama embrace it and grow into a new relationship with your daughter.

Yes at 12, I was also 12 in 96 and lots of 12 year olds played outside. Why wouldn't they?

NP and did you even read this post? We were gushing over magazines of NKOTB and watching MTV all night while we prank called boys during sleepovers.

I did read the post, and at 12, we did some of the same things, but we definitely still played outside. I was responding to the post saying they didnt play outside at all

the post didn't say we never played outside. and pps are right i'm the same age as you and probably the OP and there's a lot of misremembering going on funny because you all probably wag your fingers at your Boomer parents for doing the same thing

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you. Got to get ahead of the curve on this one and set some ground rules. Set WiFi time 8:30-9:30 then, 10:30-11pm and have a basket, no device policy after 11pm. Set up a board game, have them make muffins, go out side to the park. Hosting a multi-kid sleepover comes with some responsibilities. -Otherwise, they will all be on screens until 1-2am. The longer we have devices, the more research that comes out that identifies how damaging they are. Oh, it's easy to let them be on it 20 hours a day, but it is not good for them. (And parents who let their kids stay on their devices are also addicted to their own phones and gave up parenting.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have a phone bucket at the front door but be ready for the other parents to be enraged.

Yes, and honestly, my kid would never go to a house again where a parent took their phone.

No way. I want my kid to call me if they are sick or not comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why some parents are so ok with their kids being on screens all the time, especially for kids this young.

I don’t care if they are at someone’s house bored. They aren’t on screens much at home. Moderation.

[Anonymous]

When we were kids we played board games - these kids play games on their phones, often interactive games. We watched MTV, they watch YouTube. We read makeup tutorials in magazines, they find them online… there really are a lot of similarities. As long as they’re interacting and not ignoring each other, I’m ok with it.