For those of you who don't allow your teen to have a smart phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Anecdotally, my kid has four particular 13-14-year-old friends without a smart kid, and they are DMing my kid messages that include racial slurs, violence against girls, and pornography, sometimes after midnight (my kid has no access to a phone, iPad, or computer after 8 pm). Sometimes these messages come on a gaming platform. I’m sure none of your kids would do that, though.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like those kids should have a smart phone. So I am not sure what your point is. They should have a smart phone so they can send messages like that all day?
Kids get around parental restrictions (that's not new) and there is no foolproof way to monitor. Every system has holes that a teen could exploit.

+1, OP may be mistaking cause and effect here.

Most middle school kids I know have some kind of phone or way to text friends. Having no access at all to stuff like that indicates to me that potentially those parents tried and there was abuse of the technology and now they are trying to put the genie back in the bottle. OP might think "well my kid got a phone at 11 and he's a good kid, so the key to having a good kid is to give them a phone at 11. Uh.... no. Assuming OP's kid really isn't doing anything sketchy online, I'd say she got lucky there because 11 is WAY too young to have a smart phone and access to social media.

+2 OP is providing bad advice, when she should be enrolling in a basic statistics class to learn that correlation is not causation.

I'm neither arguing correlation nor causation. I get that just because the worst offenders in my kid's peer group are the ones without smartphones who are sneaking onto devices wherever they can, like in the middle of the night when their parents are asleep, doesn't mean that all kids without smartphones have issues. Perhaps many are doing great, like the PP with the ideal 16-year-old daughter. And some of them have problems. Maybe their parents know, and that's why they don't have smartphones, but maybe their parents are in total denial and think their kid is just like PP's wonderful daughter.

Also, surprised to hear so many on here say their kid isn't on Snapchat, as it directly contradicts what I hear from my kid and see on their Snapchat.

You are looking at your kid, his specific friends, and a few incidents with some obviously troubled kids, and making these dramatic conclusions about what all kids everywhere are doing.

OP, keep your side of the street clean. Sounds like your kid needs better friends. If it were me I'd tell the parents of the kids sending inappropriate content, and also communicate to the parents that you have to block content from those kids on your son's phone as a result.

Also no one said they had the "ideal" 16-year-old daughter. People have posted about having kids they trust are not doing the things you are encountering. Everyone's kid has something to work on. You are incredibly defensive even though you started this entire debate by attacking literally all parents who are not letting their teens have smart phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is playing out exactly how it does.

It's never anyone's kids doing these things and the parents have it all figured out that their teen has great judgment and never says or does anything unwise or foolish online, immediately dumps all friends who are offensive in any way, and tells them everything. What are you going to say to that. Who cares. It's their problem if they are out to lunch, is my view. We all need to parent how we feel comfortable.

The thread is unfolding this way because OP posited a completely wrong and self-serving argument: that the teens without smart phones are the ones behaving the worst when it comes to technology and social media.

OP has disclosed that she got her son the iPhone when he was 11, that he has access to multiple social media platforms, that she thinks it's likely he's using private browsing to get around her supervision of the phone, that the phone was purchased for him after he repeatedly lost his Gizmo watch and flip phone, and that she believes her son is interacting with troubled kids who would misbehave with or without a smart phone.

There are interesting conversations to have about when and how to give your kids access to certain technology, and whether it makes sense to give them earlier access so that they can learn to use it responsibly, or delay access in the hopes that by the time they get it they will be mature enough to handle it. There are arguments on all sides. But that's not the conversation OP started. She decided to scold parents who have been more restrictive about giving their kids tech than she is, on a theory that makes no sense.

Whether or not you give your kid a smartphone is up to you to decide, but if you think withholding one is enough to protect them from getting into trouble online, you are undoubtedly wrong. That's it. The end.

[Anonymous]

ALL modern phones are "smart phones".

Flip phones = smart phones. Not as easy to use the web with a flipper as a touch screen, but you can still do it. The last "dumb phones" were 2G ones era and you probably cannot even find 2G service anywhere in the USA these days.

Even many light bulbs are now "smart" and web connected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is playing out exactly how it does.

It's never anyone's kids doing these things and the parents have it all figured out that their teen has great judgment and never says or does anything unwise or foolish online, immediately dumps all friends who are offensive in any way, and tells them everything. What are you going to say to that. Who cares. It's their problem if they are out to lunch, is my view. We all need to parent how we feel comfortable.

The thread is unfolding this way because OP posited a completely wrong and self-serving argument: that the teens without smart phones are the ones behaving the worst when it comes to technology and social media.

OP has disclosed that she got her son the iPhone when he was 11, that he has access to multiple social media platforms, that she thinks it's likely he's using private browsing to get around her supervision of the phone, that the phone was purchased for him after he repeatedly lost his Gizmo watch and flip phone, and that she believes her son is interacting with troubled kids who would misbehave with or without a smart phone.

There are interesting conversations to have about when and how to give your kids access to certain technology, and whether it makes sense to give them earlier access so that they can learn to use it responsibly, or delay access in the hopes that by the time they get it they will be mature enough to handle it. There are arguments on all sides. But that's not the conversation OP started. She decided to scold parents who have been more restrictive about giving their kids tech than she is, on a theory that makes no sense.

Meh. I think all OP is saying is some of you think you know everything your kids are up to and you don't. I also think it's a lot of hubris and black and white thinking to put kids into these buckets of troubled vs not troubled and always be confident your kid would never do any of these things you are labeling as "troubled" at any point in time. They do dumb things sometimes. They try on personas and say things impulsively and yes (gasp) they might have seen porn online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ALL modern phones are "smart phones".

Flip phones = smart phones. Not as easy to use the web with a flipper as a touch screen, but you can still do it. The last "dumb phones" were 2G ones era and you probably cannot even find 2G service anywhere in the USA these days.

Even many light bulbs are now "smart" and web connected.

This is just not true. There are dumb flip phone and dumb phones that have a modern (touch screen) interface. They're just not the first thing that AT&T shoves in your face. Try this neat website to find out more: www.google.com.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Anecdotally, my kid has four particular 13-14-year-old friends without a smart kid, and they are DMing my kid messages that include racial slurs, violence against girls, and pornography, sometimes after midnight (my kid has no access to a phone, iPad, or computer after 8 pm). Sometimes these messages come on a gaming platform. I’m sure none of your kids would do that, though.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like those kids should have a smart phone. So I am not sure what your point is. They should have a smart phone so they can send messages like that all day?
Kids get around parental restrictions (that's not new) and there is no foolproof way to monitor. Every system has holes that a teen could exploit.

+1, OP may be mistaking cause and effect here.

Most middle school kids I know have some kind of phone or way to text friends. Having no access at all to stuff like that indicates to me that potentially those parents tried and there was abuse of the technology and now they are trying to put the genie back in the bottle. OP might think "well my kid got a phone at 11 and he's a good kid, so the key to having a good kid is to give them a phone at 11. Uh.... no. Assuming OP's kid really isn't doing anything sketchy online, I'd say she got lucky there because 11 is WAY too young to have a smart phone and access to social media.

+2 OP is providing bad advice, when she should be enrolling in a basic statistics class to learn that correlation is not causation.

I'm neither arguing correlation nor causation. I get that just because the worst offenders in my kid's peer group are the ones without smartphones who are sneaking onto devices wherever they can, like in the middle of the night when their parents are asleep, doesn't mean that all kids without smartphones have issues. Perhaps many are doing great, like the PP with the ideal 16-year-old daughter. And some of them have problems. Maybe their parents know, and that's why they don't have smartphones, but maybe their parents are in total denial and think their kid is just like PP's wonderful daughter.

Also, surprised to hear so many on here say their kid isn't on Snapchat, as it directly contradicts what I hear from my kid and see on their Snapchat.

You are looking at your kid, his specific friends, and a few incidents with some obviously troubled kids, and making these dramatic conclusions about what all kids everywhere are doing.

OP, keep your side of the street clean. Sounds like your kid needs better friends. If it were me I'd tell the parents of the kids sending inappropriate content, and also communicate to the parents that you have to block content from those kids on your son's phone as a result.

Also no one said they had the "ideal" 16-year-old daughter. People have posted about having kids they trust are not doing the things you are encountering. Everyone's kid has something to work on. You are incredibly defensive even though you started this entire debate by attacking literally all parents who are not letting their teens have smart phones.

Not this PP but did you miss the bullet list about the amazing 16 year old with no smartphone?? I am considering cloning her and asking her to move in with me she sounds amazing and pretty ideal.

[Anonymous]

Does your child have unrestricted access? We have blocks (which don't fully work) but we heavily restict the phone and have blocks on our router.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Anecdotally, my kid has four particular 13-14-year-old friends without a smart kid, and they are DMing my kid messages that include racial slurs, violence against girls, and pornography, sometimes after midnight (my kid has no access to a phone, iPad, or computer after 8 pm). Sometimes these messages come on a gaming platform. I’m sure none of your kids would do that, though.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like those kids should have a smart phone. So I am not sure what your point is. They should have a smart phone so they can send messages like that all day?
Kids get around parental restrictions (that's not new) and there is no foolproof way to monitor. Every system has holes that a teen could exploit.

+1, OP may be mistaking cause and effect here.

Most middle school kids I know have some kind of phone or way to text friends. Having no access at all to stuff like that indicates to me that potentially those parents tried and there was abuse of the technology and now they are trying to put the genie back in the bottle. OP might think "well my kid got a phone at 11 and he's a good kid, so the key to having a good kid is to give them a phone at 11. Uh.... no. Assuming OP's kid really isn't doing anything sketchy online, I'd say she got lucky there because 11 is WAY too young to have a smart phone and access to social media.

+2 OP is providing bad advice, when she should be enrolling in a basic statistics class to learn that correlation is not causation.

I'm neither arguing correlation nor causation. I get that just because the worst offenders in my kid's peer group are the ones without smartphones who are sneaking onto devices wherever they can, like in the middle of the night when their parents are asleep, doesn't mean that all kids without smartphones have issues. Perhaps many are doing great, like the PP with the ideal 16-year-old daughter. And some of them have problems. Maybe their parents know, and that's why they don't have smartphones, but maybe their parents are in total denial and think their kid is just like PP's wonderful daughter.

Also, surprised to hear so many on here say their kid isn't on Snapchat, as it directly contradicts what I hear from my kid and see on their Snapchat.

You are looking at your kid, his specific friends, and a few incidents with some obviously troubled kids, and making these dramatic conclusions about what all kids everywhere are doing.

OP, keep your side of the street clean. Sounds like your kid needs better friends. If it were me I'd tell the parents of the kids sending inappropriate content, and also communicate to the parents that you have to block content from those kids on your son's phone as a result.

Also no one said they had the "ideal" 16-year-old daughter. People have posted about having kids they trust are not doing the things you are encountering. Everyone's kid has something to work on. You are incredibly defensive even though you started this entire debate by attacking literally all parents who are not letting their teens have smart phones.

Not this PP but did you miss the bullet list about the amazing 16 year old with no smartphone?? I am considering cloning her and asking her to move in with me she sounds amazing and pretty ideal.

I'm the PP with that DD. Not available for cloning, but I will say this: you can make your own! One important ingredient is tech discernment, which DCUM seems to think is rocket science or requires some god-like power of the will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ALL modern phones are "smart phones".

Flip phones = smart phones. Not as easy to use the web with a flipper as a touch screen, but you can still do it. The last "dumb phones" were 2G ones era and you probably cannot even find 2G service anywhere in the USA these days.

Even many light bulbs are now "smart" and web connected.

This is just not true. There are dumb flip phone and dumb phones that have a modern (touch screen) interface. They're just not the first thing that AT&T shoves in your face. Try this neat website to find out more: www.google.com.

They are KaiOS, Series 30+, or limited Android, and not "dumb" by any means. You need to learn more. And Google? Are you 100000 years old? Google censors and restricts 99.99% of the net.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your child have unrestricted access? We have blocks (which don't fully work) but we heavily restict the phone and have blocks on our router.

We have blocks on the phone and our home router, but they don't fully work. The reality is that DC knows more about technology than we do. They like to code, and they are smart. We've decided to focus our efforts on trying to help them make good decisions.

[Anonymous]

My kids don’t get phones until they are 15. They have iPads and I have passwords etc for all their online accounts. It isn’t one or the other, both are best practices.