Should parents who travel a lot for work always bring back soemthing for kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to make time to FaceTime her. Even if it's five minutes. He needs to connect with her, and she needs to feel he's thinking of her while he's traveling. My dad used to only sometimes bring us something - we were as excited to get a t-shirt as we were to get a pen or palm-sized pad of paper he took from the desk in his hotel room. If he left before we woke up in the morning, he'd leave us a note.

OP and I think you really understand. I wish you and your dad could sit my DH down and give him a parenting come-to-Jesus.

The last straw for me was the most recent nothing trip was one where DD sent an emoji laden text about the first day of school. DH never replied. I asked him about it and he said that he couldn’t text back and there are times when he is going to be with new partners and clients that he can’t talk to us.

24 hours a day he’s so busy that he can’t even give an emoji back?

And anyway, what clients or partners are going to fault a man who steps away for 30 seconds for his DD? A woman, sure, but a man would be lauded.

So flimsy of an excuse.

Oh no! I hope this didn’t really happen. What an ahole.

It happened!!!

Then your problem has nothing to do with whether he brings back gifts. He missed her first day of school and didn't make any contingency to make sure she knew he remembered. That's the issue. There are many ways to have done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad's work "suprises" from trips were always so fun. He would leave us things outside our doors when he got home late from trips. It was things like magnets, key chains, silly stuff from hotels and planes. It was great and yes, we looked forward to it. To this day, my parents bring us a small gift from trips.

My 5th grader still uses pencils my dad brought home from conferences and stuff in the 80s. Her classmates watch for new vintage ones coming into rotation every couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

Once you start it is hard to stop. We've tried to build a life that is not about stuff so my husband only ever brought back a toiletry from the hotel or a bag of pretzels from the airplane. Sounds ridiculous, but my kids loved it when they were little. They also always liked to video chat with him and get a tour of his hotel room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once you start it is hard to stop. We've tried to build a life that is not about stuff so my husband only ever brought back a toiletry from the hotel or a bag of pretzels from the airplane. Sounds ridiculous, but my kids loved it when they were little. They also always liked to video chat with him and get a tour of his hotel room.

OP and I think that’s all my kid wants. Just tangible proof that they existed in his head while he was away. He used to bring teeny little rice cracker packs from flights to Japan or cocktail napkins with airline logos and that was enough to please her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No- get out of the gift stuff. This is crazy. Your child doesn’t need to think that you feel loved if someone brings you things. But yes, calls are important. A voice message if really he’s busy and isn’t able to call while your child is home/awake.

But really - I’d suggest ending the connection of random crap and travel. No one needs that drink stirrer you’d pick up. It’s just junk.

This! If he travels routinely they don’t need junk, but he should call. If he can’t FT then he should at least leave a video message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to make time to FaceTime her. Even if it's five minutes. He needs to connect with her, and she needs to feel he's thinking of her while he's traveling. My dad used to only sometimes bring us something - we were as excited to get a t-shirt as we were to get a pen or palm-sized pad of paper he took from the desk in his hotel room. If he left before we woke up in the morning, he'd leave us a note.

OP and I think you really understand. I wish you and your dad could sit my DH down and give him a parenting come-to-Jesus.

The last straw for me was the most recent nothing trip was one where DD sent an emoji laden text about the first day of school. DH never replied. I asked him about it and he said that he couldn’t text back and there are times when he is going to be with new partners and clients that he can’t talk to us.

24 hours a day he’s so busy that he can’t even give an emoji back?

And anyway, what clients or partners are going to fault a man who steps away for 30 seconds for his DD? A woman, sure, but a man would be lauded.

So flimsy of an excuse.

Oh no! I hope this didn’t really happen. What an ahole.

It happened!!!

Then your problem has nothing to do with whether he brings back gifts. He missed her first day of school and didn't make any contingency to make sure she knew he remembered. That's the issue. There are many ways to have done this.

He's heartless or cheating. Either way, you need a sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you start it is hard to stop. We've tried to build a life that is not about stuff so my husband only ever brought back a toiletry from the hotel or a bag of pretzels from the airplane. Sounds ridiculous, but my kids loved it when they were little. They also always liked to video chat with him and get a tour of his hotel room.

OP and I think that’s all my kid wants. Just tangible proof that they existed in his head while he was away. He used to bring teeny little rice cracker packs from flights to Japan or cocktail napkins with airline logos and that was enough to please her.

Have you told him this? He might not realize how much it means to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you start it is hard to stop. We've tried to build a life that is not about stuff so my husband only ever brought back a toiletry from the hotel or a bag of pretzels from the airplane. Sounds ridiculous, but my kids loved it when they were little. They also always liked to video chat with him and get a tour of his hotel room.

OP and I think that’s all my kid wants. Just tangible proof that they existed in his head while he was away. He used to bring teeny little rice cracker packs from flights to Japan or cocktail napkins with airline logos and that was enough to please her.

Have you told him this? He might not realize how much it means to her.

Oh yes. Many times. And he says “I don’t know how you expect me to remember every time” or “how am I supposed to have the time for that.” It’s fine for him to get defensive to me but to not be able to empathize with a kid…ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you start it is hard to stop. We've tried to build a life that is not about stuff so my husband only ever brought back a toiletry from the hotel or a bag of pretzels from the airplane. Sounds ridiculous, but my kids loved it when they were little. They also always liked to video chat with him and get a tour of his hotel room.

OP and I think that’s all my kid wants. Just tangible proof that they existed in his head while he was away. He used to bring teeny little rice cracker packs from flights to Japan or cocktail napkins with airline logos and that was enough to please her.

Have you told him this? He might not realize how much it means to her.

Oh yes. Many times. And he says “I don’t know how you expect me to remember every time” or “how am I supposed to have the time for that.” It’s fine for him to get defensive to me but to not be able to empathize with a kid…ugh.

Ok, that's f'ed up. I don't think I've ever posted this on DCUM before, but this level of disengagement would have me seriously considering divorce.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. Or if present every time leave house then really do it and if leave house for any reason should bring back a gift every time. Go to work at any office-1 mile away or plane flight- bring a gift. Go to mailbox, bring a gift. Let thr DH and daughter have their own relationship and DH do what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you start it is hard to stop. We've tried to build a life that is not about stuff so my husband only ever brought back a toiletry from the hotel or a bag of pretzels from the airplane. Sounds ridiculous, but my kids loved it when they were little. They also always liked to video chat with him and get a tour of his hotel room.

OP and I think that’s all my kid wants. Just tangible proof that they existed in his head while he was away. He used to bring teeny little rice cracker packs from flights to Japan or cocktail napkins with airline logos and that was enough to please her.

Have you told him this? He might not realize how much it means to her.

Oh yes. Many times. And he says “I don’t know how you expect me to remember every time” or “how am I supposed to have the time for that.” It’s fine for him to get defensive to me but to not be able to empathize with a kid…ugh.

Kids don’t need throw away napkins and junk from trips to know they are loved. OP is teaching DD that love only exists if receives an object. That’s actually really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you start it is hard to stop. We've tried to build a life that is not about stuff so my husband only ever brought back a toiletry from the hotel or a bag of pretzels from the airplane. Sounds ridiculous, but my kids loved it when they were little. They also always liked to video chat with him and get a tour of his hotel room.

OP and I think that’s all my kid wants. Just tangible proof that they existed in his head while he was away. He used to bring teeny little rice cracker packs from flights to Japan or cocktail napkins with airline logos and that was enough to please her.

Have you told him this? He might not realize how much it means to her.

Oh yes. Many times. And he says “I don’t know how you expect me to remember every time” or “how am I supposed to have the time for that.” It’s fine for him to get defensive to me but to not be able to empathize with a kid…ugh.

Kids don’t need throw away napkins and junk from trips to know they are loved. OP is teaching DD that love only exists if receives an object. That’s actually really sad.

^ Family sounds like they have bigger problems that giving rice crackers is not going to solve.