cotillion question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get your hopes up, moms. My DH was forced to do this stuff as a kid and he’s terrible at the fox trot and I haven’t seen him write a thank you note in 25 years. Worst of all, he married someone who went to public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They learn manners. That can't be bad. Isn't a LGBTQ issue

It is if the idea of girls dancing with other girls is so scary that they'd rather exclude girls who want to participate.

My DC participated last year. Although they strive for 50/50, it rarely is - especially when kids have practices or games, travel (it's Friday nights) or are sick. Girls frequently dance with girls and boys frequently dance with boys after the available adults are exhausted. None of them care about or seem uncomfortable dancing with their own gender. Trust me - the kids would much rather dance with their own gender than one of the adults.

Part of this is learning how to ask another dance (they alternate which gender asks) and making small talk with someone you don't know of the opposite gender.

I wish they spent more time on other etiquette (ie, table manners), but hopefully that will come.

[Anonymous]

It’s just a thing one does. You were always screened for entry but now it’s much easier to get in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get your hopes up, moms. My DH was forced to do this stuff as a kid and he’s terrible at the fox trot and I haven’t seen him write a thank you note in 25 years. Worst of all, he married someone who went to public school.

Oh wow you made me laugh out loud. I see you. Same here. My poor MIL RIP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just transitioned from public to private for middle school, where half the grade is doing Capital Cotillion, and there is general consternation about how new girls can't participate because they don't have enough boys.

This is not an issue for me as we wouldn't be doing it regardless, but it does make me pause and wonder: How does thing remain so popular and yet so totally frozen in amber? I have so many questions... If you are sending your young adolescents, do you worry about how alienating it may feel to LGBTQ adolescents who aren't "out" yet, and how do you handle that?

The website says "While we embrace tradition and the importance it plays in our society, we believe that keeping current with the needs of today’s youth is equally important. We prepare our students with social skills for the “elite experience” without promoting the elitist paradigm of the past."

The fact that they won't deviate from their 50-50 gender ratio just seems AWFULLY out of step. Can someone explain why someone can't do something more inclusive? There are plenty of ballroom dancing studios that manage to do better ....

(Also, a little more snarky now: How DOES "the elite experience" differs from "the elitist paradigm of the past"? Anyone able to explain?)

Oh, don’t worry — there is a solution. The “Nonbinary Cotillion Parent Group Chat” is alive and well, we meet every Thursday night via encrypted Slack channel. Our syllabus covers:

Gender-Neutral Bowing: You incline exactly 37 degrees regardless of orientation.

Elitist Paradigm History 101: We discuss why "the elite experience" is just “elitism with better branding and Canva graphics.”

Cha-Cha But Make It Fluid: Partners are assigned based on astrology charts, not chromosomes.


We tried to pitch this to Capital Cotillion but were told that “the elite experience” required a strict 50/50 split because apparently math is tradition. (Nothing screams “timeless social grace” like spreadsheet quotas for 12-year-olds.)

As for LGBTQ kids not yet out? Don’t worry — Capital Cotillion does offer a cutting-edge inclusivity option: you can be “the quirky friend in the corner” or “the one who mysteriously has the flu every Friday evening until March.” Very forward-thinking.

Well done. I love you. Maybe we can call this thread done now.

No, not well done: PP has very weird ideas about being gay. It's like she thinks gay kids melt if presented with a dance partner of another gender.

Kids can dance with partners they aren't interested in dating. The idea that a gay girl (for example), out or not, would stand in the corner rather than learn dance steps with a boy partner is bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just transitioned from public to private for middle school, where half the grade is doing Capital Cotillion, and there is general consternation about how new girls can't participate because they don't have enough boys.

This is not an issue for me as we wouldn't be doing it regardless, but it does make me pause and wonder: How does thing remain so popular and yet so totally frozen in amber? I have so many questions... If you are sending your young adolescents, do you worry about how alienating it may feel to LGBTQ adolescents who aren't "out" yet, and how do you handle that?

The website says "While we embrace tradition and the importance it plays in our society, we believe that keeping current with the needs of today’s youth is equally important. We prepare our students with social skills for the “elite experience” without promoting the elitist paradigm of the past."

The fact that they won't deviate from their 50-50 gender ratio just seems AWFULLY out of step. Can someone explain why someone can't do something more inclusive? There are plenty of ballroom dancing studios that manage to do better ....

(Also, a little more snarky now: How DOES "the elite experience" differs from "the elitist paradigm of the past"? Anyone able to explain?)

Oh, don’t worry — there is a solution. The “Nonbinary Cotillion Parent Group Chat” is alive and well, we meet every Thursday night via encrypted Slack channel. Our syllabus covers:

Gender-Neutral Bowing: You incline exactly 37 degrees regardless of orientation.

Elitist Paradigm History 101: We discuss why "the elite experience" is just “elitism with better branding and Canva graphics.”

Cha-Cha But Make It Fluid: Partners are assigned based on astrology charts, not chromosomes.


We tried to pitch this to Capital Cotillion but were told that “the elite experience” required a strict 50/50 split because apparently math is tradition. (Nothing screams “timeless social grace” like spreadsheet quotas for 12-year-olds.)

As for LGBTQ kids not yet out? Don’t worry — Capital Cotillion does offer a cutting-edge inclusivity option: you can be “the quirky friend in the corner” or “the one who mysteriously has the flu every Friday evening until March.” Very forward-thinking.

Well done. I love you. Maybe we can call this thread done now.

No, not well done: PP has very weird ideas about being gay. It's like she thinks gay kids melt if presented with a dance partner of another gender.

Kids can dance with partners they aren't interested in dating. The idea that a gay girl (for example), out or not, would stand in the corner rather than learn dance steps with a boy partner is bizarre.

That post was satirical. (Also, if your knickers still in a twist please note that she was skewering EVERYONE on this thread, including the OP.)

[Anonymous]

We definitely passed on this. I was surprised it even still exists. We’ve taught manners at home, without the creepy traditional gender roles element.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We definitely passed on this. I was surprised it even still exists. We’ve taught manners at home, without the creepy traditional gender roles element.

So maybe think of it this way- cotillion is an activity that kids meet up and talk that isn’t sports or arts or video games. Yes, there is some formal teaching, but a lot is unstructured social time with peers.
When I grew up we had dances in HS every Friday night. We met there and talked and danced, and were social. I wish we had more of that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We definitely passed on this. I was surprised it even still exists. We’ve taught manners at home, without the creepy traditional gender roles element.

So maybe think of it this way- cotillion is an activity that kids meet up and talk that isn’t sports or arts or video games. Yes, there is some formal teaching, but a lot is unstructured social time with peers.
When I grew up we had dances in HS every Friday night. We met there and talked and danced, and were social. I wish we had more of that now.

My kids also really enjoyed cotillion, it seems like some folks here are overthinking it. Middle school kids get dressed up, learn some basic manners, and spend an evening dancing with each other with no screen time. If this sounds not fun for your particular kids don’t do it, but the snarky comments about enforcing traditional gender roles are over the top. Not everything needs to be deconstructed

[Anonymous]

If the issue is follower vs leader roles in ballroom dancing, why not admit and limit based on that rather than the somewhat inaccurate predcitor of gender? That way girls who are willing to learn the leading moves instead of the following ones can still attend cotillion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the issue is follower vs leader roles in ballroom dancing, why not admit and limit based on that rather than the somewhat inaccurate predcitor of gender? That way girls who are willing to learn the leading moves instead of the following ones can still attend cotillion.

The kids learn both.