Location Sharing

[Anonymous]

Your husband is cheating and or somewhere he doesn’t want to know about.

🚩

[Anonymous]

You want to think that. Sure! Base it on nothing more than, he has a preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is something you both have autonomy over. It sounds like you voluntarily shared yours and you knew he could see it. That was your choice. He chose not to share his and you knew you couldn't see it. At any time you could also have chosen to make the same decision and not share yours either.

You both made your own choices as capable competent adults. If you aren't happy with your own choice, change it, but you don't get to control his choices. He also can choose to share or not share.

We don't share.

The problem is that he had no qualms about wanting to see where she was at all times and asked for it, but when she wanted the same, he refused. So you don't get to claim your own privacy while having no issues violating someone else's. At a minimum, that is controlling and shady.

He would only be violating her privacy if she didn't know her location was being shared or had asked him to turn it off and he refused. But it doesn't sound like that is the case at all. It sounds like they are two different people who value different things. She was fine with the family tracking her, he wasn't.

Well thanks genius. Didn’t say he was violating her privacy. The same way that she wouldn’t be if he shared his location with her. Bus dishonest people need to hide things so….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to think that. Sure! Base it on nothing more than, he has a preference.

A preference to lie about where he is to his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole fam is on life 360. Kids are teens. Avoids so much useless communication.

The only people I would not want to share location with are people I might be lying to about why I can’t hang out, like a couple a friends who don’t react well to a “sorry I have plans.” I don’t lie to DH or my kids about what I’m up to. See where this is going?

God forbid a family communicate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be mad about the double standard - he was watching you all this time, but when you called him on it, he won't share.

This.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird that when HE set up the location sharing in the family - he didn't even ask you but set you up and sent the prompt but didn't automatically share his.

At minimum I think it's hypocritical - but not going to lie, it would bother me that once asked, he's now "uncomfortable" and it would make me question more. Is he actually where he says he is, is he cheating, does he spend a lot of alone time out of the house outside of work, etc. It could be none of those things, but tbh if you have a fundamental "location sharing with spouse is weird" he wouldn't have prompted you to in the first place. Because knowing where you are is also a level of control (hence kids location sharing) and he can confidently do whatever wherever knowing where you are at all times.

I would turn off my location. I would also do some digging. This is me just being real - it doesn't sound nice but the "no" would have me very bothered. May sound paranoid, but something doesn't sit right.

Does he share his device? Are you allowed to use his phone at all to answer or make a call or look at a map, etc if needed? Does he turn the phone over all the time in your presence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird that when HE set up the location sharing in the family - he didn't even ask you but set you up and sent the prompt but didn't automatically share his.

At minimum I think it's hypocritical - but not going to lie, it would bother me that once asked, he's now "uncomfortable" and it would make me question more. Is he actually where he says he is, is he cheating, does he spend a lot of alone time out of the house outside of work, etc. It could be none of those things, but tbh if you have a fundamental "location sharing with spouse is weird" he wouldn't have prompted you to in the first place. Because knowing where you are is also a level of control (hence kids location sharing) and he can confidently do whatever wherever knowing where you are at all times.

I would turn off my location. I would also do some digging. This is me just being real - it doesn't sound nice but the "no" would have me very bothered. May sound paranoid, but something doesn't sit right.

Does he share his device? Are you allowed to use his phone at all to answer or make a call or look at a map, etc if needed? Does he turn the phone over all the time in your presence?

PP here and I'll add - I don't share my location and neither does DH because I do think it's weird. Big brothery in a way I can't explain but infantilizes me I guess - I'm not a child - you're not my keeper but those feelings are also deeply rooted in childhood trauma and my real need for independence and a feeling of autonomy. I don't advise others to feel the same and I understand why couples do - I just won't. But it's because I feel that way that I would never ask DH to - only exception are special trips like a vacay where we separate as a family in an unfamiliar location. That said, I can pick up his phone and use it, although I don't know the password and have never asked for it, but he will unlock and hand it to me with no issues if mine is dead, etc.

Technology blurs some boundaries that some of us didn't grow up with so navigating can be a challenge. All that to say - something is still not right with the dynamic OP posted.

[Anonymous]

We both share with each other. And it has probably been 2 years since either of us looked at the others location.

I don’t know why one spouse would care if the other could see their location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both share with each other. And it has probably been 2 years since either of us looked at the others location.

I don’t know why one spouse would care if the other could see their location.

You can't understand that other couples have different thoughts than you?

So if a couple you knew had a no porn watching rule, but you two were all in - you'd think they were "wrong" in some way?

Life tip: not everyone thinks like you do and that's okay.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, it’s weird he prompted you to share your location and has admitted to tracking you. And he won’t share his.

He’s probably having an affair, which is why 1) he checks your location and 2) won’t share his. He needs to protect his time with his side piece.

Because otherwise this makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Whaaat??!

He keeps track of where you are at yet he refuses to disclose his own.

He most likely is hiding something rather nefarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never share my location with my DH. I am a SAHM and he doesn’t need to be judging me if I stay home all day, spend a few hours at the gym, etc.
I’m not cheating, married 20 years and love my DH but just no.

You sound defensive. I bet your 20 years of marriage has some defensiveness esp since your kids are all teens now and you're still SAH and he resents it?

[Anonymous]

Things are supposed to be symmetrical in a relationship.
1)Stop sharing location
2)Begin taking notes on what he says, what he does, times he’s away. Look for patterns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither of us track each other, but if we previously were and he suddenly wanted to turn it off, my spidey senses would be majorly tingling. Something is amiss here.

OP here. I wasn’t ever able to see his location. So he didn’t turn it off just never shared his, although I always shared mine.

NP. We shared locations with each other for years – as a shortcut to having the annoying "did you leave work yet?" conversations from time to time. It was a non-issue until he actually was cheating he accused me of being a stalker who monitored his every move. I had no idea he was cheating because I wasn't actually monitoring him. It was BS and 100% guilt talking.

I'm not saying your husband is cheating, but that doesn't mean it's still not hurtful. At the very least, I would stop sharing my location.