How would you handle this little girl drama?

[Anonymous]

There is so much information that OP is not telling us in this situation. I don't believe her for a second that this is all that happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much information that OP is not telling us in this situation. I don't believe her for a second that this is all that happened.

I can totally believe it because I have witnessed similar. Some elementary parents can be very pushy demanding meetings with other parents, and while teachers are not supposed to act as go betweens, some very new and green teachers might go along with it. OP has no obligation to indulge these people and should tell her DD to continue to report inappropriate behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much information that OP is not telling us in this situation. I don't believe her for a second that this is all that happened.

I can totally believe it because I have witnessed similar. Some elementary parents can be very pushy demanding meetings with other parents, and while teachers are not supposed to act as go betweens, some very new and green teachers might go along with it. OP has no obligation to indulge these people and should tell her DD to continue to report inappropriate behavior.

This problem won’t be solved by encouraging the DD to snitch. She needs to steer clear of this girl and find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, just to clarify:

The girls had some kind of disagreement at school in which your DD felt the other girl was being unkind and said so. So she said something like "you're mean" or "you're a mean girl." Is that correct?

The teacher saw the incident and spoke to the girls. Both girls were upset? Is that correct? And the teacher comforted both girls or just your DD? Did the teacher do anything else?

The other girl told her parents about what happened, and specifically about your DD saying their child was being mean or unkind (what word was used? do you know?). Whatever she told them triggered the parents to think this needed to be addressed, so they reached out to the teacher and to you. Did you actually speak to them? It sounds like they reached out to you several times but you haven't spoken to them yet? What form did these communications take? Have your responded and how?

The teacher has also reached out to you since the other girl's parents reached out to the teacher, right? Did the teacher suggest the conference, or did the teacher just say the other parents want the conference? Is anyone at the school other Than the teacher involved at this point?

Your daughter has since forgotten about the incident and moved on. How many days have passed? Has your daughter interacted with the other girl since it happened? Are they playing together again or is there a rift?

OP: I get why you are being vague, but the vagueness is opening up the possibility that you or your daughter may be in the wrong. The biggest issue here is *exactly* what your DD said to the other girl to communicate that the other girl was being unkind. What precise words did she use? Some words carry a lot of weight and the other parents could be forgiven for reacting strongly. Did she use words like bully or "mean girl"? There are good reasons why parents would want to be ensure their child doesn't get labeled with those words.

And it also sound like you maybe could have avoided the school meeting if you'd responded more directly to the parents when they reached out, at least hearing out their concerns. If they think there is a problem here and you don't, they may feel they have no choice but to go through the school if you won't work with them. Hard to say if this is reasonable or not without knowing exactly what was said or how the girls are acting with one another now.

Finally, based on your comments here, I suspect English may not be your first language, and/or that you may be from another country or culture. Gently, do you think any of this might be due to miscommunication or misunderstandings in language or cultural expectations? Do you think there might be a valid conflict in here that you may be missing because you lack cultural context? Just a thought.

I am being vague to be anonymous in case the parents read this.

Other girl was mean to my daughter in a typical little girl sense. This is not what happened but something like Frozen is for babies and making DD feel bad. Other girl ignored DD and made mean faces at DD. DD was upset and teacher asked DD why she was upset.

The other girl’s parents are the one who contacted the school after their daughter told them what happened. I don’t think the parents think my DD did anything to their child. They want my child or me to explain to the teacher that their child did nothing wrong because their child insists she did nothing wrong.

This is really a very small incident that these parents are making a huge deal out of.

You seem so sure of your daughter's account. What if it were the other way around. Don't go to the meeting. You were not present. So what are you going to say.

[Anonymous]

Why does OP think a meeting with the school involves her? She said the parents wanted a conference with the school and the nosy teacher called OP to tell her this? Where does OP say she was invited to this conference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

The teacher seems to be the one creating issue here. It looks like she contacted the parents and told them their child was being mean to or bullying another, sbd the other parents freaked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

The teacher seems to be the one creating issue here. It looks like she contacted the parents and told them their child was being mean to or bullying another, sbd the other parents freaked out.

Agree - it seems to make sense that the parents might want to know more about this, as good parents should, given that it resulted in a call home. Because one girl ignored another girl?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

The teacher seems to be the one creating issue here. It looks like she contacted the parents and told them their child was being mean to or bullying another, sbd the other parents freaked out.

OP says the teacher did NOT contact parents. But rather when the other girl told her parents what happened, they reached out to the teacher for more info and then wanted the meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

The teacher seems to be the one creating issue here. It looks like she contacted the parents and told them their child was being mean to or bullying another, sbd the other parents freaked out.

OP says the teacher did NOT contact parents. But rather when the other girl told her parents what happened, they reached out to the teacher for more info and then wanted the meeting.

Op here. This poster has followed correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much information that OP is not telling us in this situation. I don't believe her for a second that this is all that happened.

The reason I’m not telling all the details is because I’m trying to keep it anonymous.

Why would I make up an imaginary story about my child and a classmate’s parents?

The parents have not contacted me again. My child seems to have forgotten about the incident and has moved on. I told her to focus on other friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

The teacher seems to be the one creating issue here. It looks like she contacted the parents and told them their child was being mean to or bullying another, sbd the other parents freaked out.

OP says the teacher did NOT contact parents. But rather when the other girl told her parents what happened, they reached out to the teacher for more info and then wanted the meeting.

Op here. This poster has followed correctly.

So why did the teacher call you and why do you know what the parents did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

+1. Unless this is some teeny private school that feels the need to coddle parents, this doesn’t rise to the level of “two sets of parents need to come in for a meeting to work this out.”

[Anonymous]

And people wonder why teachers leave the profession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much information that OP is not telling us in this situation. I don't believe her for a second that this is all that happened.

The reason I’m not telling all the details is because I’m trying to keep it anonymous.

Why would I make up an imaginary story about my child and a classmate’s parents?

The parents have not contacted me again. My child seems to have forgotten about the incident and has moved on. I told her to focus on other friends.

Then why do you care if the other parents want to meet with the teacher? Why did the teacher even tell you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

The teacher seems to be the one creating issue here. It looks like she contacted the parents and told them their child was being mean to or bullying another, sbd the other parents freaked out.

OP says the teacher did NOT contact parents. But rather when the other girl told her parents what happened, they reached out to the teacher for more info and then wanted the meeting.

Op here. This poster has followed correctly.

Ok, but this leaves the question why did the teacher end up calling you after that parent called the teacher?