How would you handle this little girl drama?

[Anonymous]

I would only go to a meeting where the teacher who started the drama was in attendance. I would push back on them bc they are the only one who witnessed anything other than the two children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, just to clarify:

The girls had some kind of disagreement at school in which your DD felt the other girl was being unkind and said so. So she said something like "you're mean" or "you're a mean girl." Is that correct?

The teacher saw the incident and spoke to the girls. Both girls were upset? Is that correct? And the teacher comforted both girls or just your DD? Did the teacher do anything else?

The other girl told her parents about what happened, and specifically about your DD saying their child was being mean or unkind (what word was used? do you know?). Whatever she told them triggered the parents to think this needed to be addressed, so they reached out to the teacher and to you. Did you actually speak to them? It sounds like they reached out to you several times but you haven't spoken to them yet? What form did these communications take? Have your responded and how?

The teacher has also reached out to you since the other girl's parents reached out to the teacher, right? Did the teacher suggest the conference, or did the teacher just say the other parents want the conference? Is anyone at the school other Than the teacher involved at this point?

Your daughter has since forgotten about the incident and moved on. How many days have passed? Has your daughter interacted with the other girl since it happened? Are they playing together again or is there a rift?

OP: I get why you are being vague, but the vagueness is opening up the possibility that you or your daughter may be in the wrong. The biggest issue here is *exactly* what your DD said to the other girl to communicate that the other girl was being unkind. What precise words did she use? Some words carry a lot of weight and the other parents could be forgiven for reacting strongly. Did she use words like bully or "mean girl"? There are good reasons why parents would want to be ensure their child doesn't get labeled with those words.

And it also sound like you maybe could have avoided the school meeting if you'd responded more directly to the parents when they reached out, at least hearing out their concerns. If they think there is a problem here and you don't, they may feel they have no choice but to go through the school if you won't work with them. Hard to say if this is reasonable or not without knowing exactly what was said or how the girls are acting with one another now.

Finally, based on your comments here, I suspect English may not be your first language, and/or that you may be from another country or culture. Gently, do you think any of this might be due to miscommunication or misunderstandings in language or cultural expectations? Do you think there might be a valid conflict in here that you may be missing because you lack cultural context? Just a thought.

I am being vague to be anonymous in case the parents read this.

Other girl was mean to my daughter in a typical little girl sense. This is not what happened but something like Frozen is for babies and making DD feel bad. Other girl ignored DD and made mean faces at DD. DD was upset and teacher asked DD why she was upset.

The other girl’s parents are the one who contacted the school after their daughter told them what happened. I don’t think the parents think my DD did anything to their child. They want my child or me to explain to the teacher that their child did nothing wrong because their child insists she did nothing wrong.

This is really a very small incident that these parents are making a huge deal out of.

Ok, so the teacher didn’t actually see anything happen. It is all based on what your DD told teacher. The teacher also didn’t contact any parents. So how did you come to discussing this with the teacher? Did you reach out to her after what your DD told you? Did she reach out to you after the parents said they wanted a meeting?

Considering the teacher didn’t actually see anything and no disciplinary action was taken, I don’t know there would be a meeting at all. But certainly you don’t need to be part of it. The teacher knows what your daughter told her, which is the same account you would have to share.

[Anonymous]

We've had similar. I'd ask my kid. Yours sound like she's moved on. Then I'd respond - 'I don't really do playground drama'. It's always worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Stop calling an 8 year old a "mean girl", it sounds like she was just your typical blunt 8 year old. Maybe the other parents are upset because you have been talking to other families at the school about their daughter and calling her a mean girl? Maybe you're the bully here, OP, picking on an 8 year old!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop calling an 8 year old a "mean girl", it sounds like she was just your typical blunt 8 year old. Maybe the other parents are upset because you have been talking to other families at the school about their daughter and calling her a mean girl? Maybe you're the bully here, OP, picking on an 8 year old!!!

LOL 8 years old is definitely not too young for this to be an established personality and pattern of behavior. If the grade at this school has 50 girls, probably 2-3 are mean girls, it's not that uncommon.

If it's a special program like AAP or dual language or a private school, fraction might be higher.

3rd grade and up everyone knows who the mean girls are. Even the parents of all boys know who the mean girls are. If this fact embarrasses you, then you need to do a better job with your girls.

[Anonymous]

If school arranged parents to meet because kids being bullied or bullied others then I’ll go. Otherwise I ignore the meet request from the other parents. And of course I’ll ask my child to make sure she/he didn’t do anything wrong to hurt/bully others.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've had similar. I'd ask my kid. Yours sound like she's moved on. Then I'd respond - 'I don't really do playground drama'. It's always worked for me.

OPs kids sounds like a satisfied tattletale. But having seen how this goes, this won't be long forgotten and OPs daughter may suffer the consequences of this for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop calling an 8 year old a "mean girl", it sounds like she was just your typical blunt 8 year old. Maybe the other parents are upset because you have been talking to other families at the school about their daughter and calling her a mean girl? Maybe you're the bully here, OP, picking on an 8 year old!!!

Stop infantilizing an 8 year old. This is the age where kids need frequent reinforcement about appropriate social behavior, or they will develop the behaviors that become a nightmare in the middle school years. There are a set of "relational aggression" behaviors that start in elementary school and need to be called out specifically, and explained as to why they are a problem, or you get the mean girl cliques in middle.

When 8 year olds engage in behaviors like excluding and one-upmanship, you need to explain to them why those are antisocial behaviors and give them examples of better ways to interact. You can't baby them. This is important to learn. Also, if you freak out when someone calls your child's behavior "mean", instead of talking it out and being willing to take criticism and make an adjustment, all they learn is to get really defensive and dig in their heels whenever anyone criticizes their behavior.

If your response to someone calling out their behavior is "okay, I can see how that was hurtful, I'm sorry and we'll talk about it at home and do better next time," your kid learns that getting a social interaction wrong is not the end of the world and it's okay to just apologize and try not to offend in the same way next time. It doesn't have to be a referendum on your entire personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If school arranged parents to meet because kids being bullied or bullied others then I’ll go. Otherwise I ignore the meet request from the other parents. And of course I’ll ask my child to make sure she/he didn’t do anything wrong to hurt/bully others.

Yeah, I agree. Off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go through whatever meeting the other parents want and just steer clear of them in the future.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go through whatever meeting the other parents want and just steer clear of them in the future.

This

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other family wanted a conference? They are allowed to follow up on any issues with their daughter. This teacher sounds like an idiot going between the families and gossiping.

Yeah. I’m not understanding why the teacher was in touch with OP at all. Was it because the other parent specifically asked the teacher to reach out to her to her and ask she attend a meeting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop calling an 8 year old a "mean girl", it sounds like she was just your typical blunt 8 year old. Maybe the other parents are upset because you have been talking to other families at the school about their daughter and calling her a mean girl? Maybe you're the bully here, OP, picking on an 8 year old!!!

LOL 8 years old is definitely not too young for this to be an established personality and pattern of behavior. If the grade at this school has 50 girls, probably 2-3 are mean girls, it's not that uncommon.

If it's a special program like AAP or dual language or a private school, fraction might be higher.

3rd grade and up everyone knows who the mean girls are. Even the parents of all boys know who the mean girls are. If this fact embarrasses you, then you need to do a better job with your girls.

YOU are the mean girl. Stop labeling 8 year old girls, how disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop calling an 8 year old a "mean girl", it sounds like she was just your typical blunt 8 year old. Maybe the other parents are upset because you have been talking to other families at the school about their daughter and calling her a mean girl? Maybe you're the bully here, OP, picking on an 8 year old!!!

Stop infantilizing an 8 year old. This is the age where kids need frequent reinforcement about appropriate social behavior, or they will develop the behaviors that become a nightmare in the middle school years. There are a set of "relational aggression" behaviors that start in elementary school and need to be called out specifically, and explained as to why they are a problem, or you get the mean girl cliques in middle.

When 8 year olds engage in behaviors like excluding and one-upmanship, you need to explain to them why those are antisocial behaviors and give them examples of better ways to interact. You can't baby them. This is important to learn. Also, if you freak out when someone calls your child's behavior "mean", instead of talking it out and being willing to take criticism and make an adjustment, all they learn is to get really defensive and dig in their heels whenever anyone criticizes their behavior.

If your response to someone calling out their behavior is "okay, I can see how that was hurtful, I'm sorry and we'll talk about it at home and do better next time," your kid learns that getting a social interaction wrong is not the end of the world and it's okay to just apologize and try not to offend in the same way next time. It doesn't have to be a referendum on your entire personality.

BUT YOU DON'T CALL THEM MEAN GIRLS.