Would you tell friend her daughter has a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't find out our kid was gay until his mid-twenties but it appears that all our neighbors knew by the time he was in middle school. In retrospect I feel like an idiot and am also sort of bitter than no one thought this was information that we should have had as parents.

That says a lot about you.

I've been on the side of someone who knew when the parents didn't. There was nothing outwardly homophobic about the parents. They were liberals. Voted Democrat. But their kid still said they made some subtle comments that made them wonder how accepting they really were. He didn't even think they realized what their comments implied. Deep down, he knew his parents would be accepting. But every gay kid has heard the horrific stories about kids being kicked out of their houses or worse when they tell their parents. It's still a scary thing no matter what how accepting you think your parents are. So, they were the last to know. And I know they felt horrible and guilty that they felt he couldn't tell him right away.

From my standpoint, unless someone is in danger or similar situation, it's a really scummy thing to put someone and I would never do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether you tell her or not, please DO NOT discuss this with anyone else as "harmless" gossip or to get their opinion if you should share the info or not. It would be wrong to spread it around without telling the mom. If you have already shared this with other people, tell the mom. If not, keep this kids business private.

There is something seriously wrong about adults gossiping about who teens are dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't find out our kid was gay until his mid-twenties but it appears that all our neighbors knew by the time he was in middle school. In retrospect I feel like an idiot and am also sort of bitter than no one thought this was information that we should have had as parents.

That says a lot about you.

What would cause you to say this?

I'm glad to see there's a solid consensus in this thread, but the posts from the OP and a couple others are pretty awful.

If your kids aren't telling you these things, they're not telling you for a reason. And if everyone else knows and not you, that should be a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't find out our kid was gay until his mid-twenties but it appears that all our neighbors knew by the time he was in middle school. In retrospect I feel like an idiot and am also sort of bitter than no one thought this was information that we should have had as parents.

That says a lot about you.

I've been on the side of someone who knew when the parents didn't. There was nothing outwardly homophobic about the parents. They were liberals. Voted Democrat. But their kid still said they made some subtle comments that made them wonder how accepting they really were. He didn't even think they realized what their comments implied. Deep down, he knew his parents would be accepting. But every gay kid has heard the horrific stories about kids being kicked out of their houses or worse when they tell their parents. It's still a scary thing no matter what how accepting you think your parents are. So, they were the last to know. And I know they felt horrible and guilty that they felt he couldn't tell him right away.

From my standpoint, unless someone is in danger or similar situation, it's a really scummy thing to put someone and I would never do that.

There's a huge middle ground between being disowned and being accepted.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't find out our kid was gay until his mid-twenties but it appears that all our neighbors knew by the time he was in middle school. In retrospect I feel like an idiot and am also sort of bitter than no one thought this was information that we should have had as parents.

That says a lot about you.

I've been on the side of someone who knew when the parents didn't. There was nothing outwardly homophobic about the parents. They were liberals. Voted Democrat. But their kid still said they made some subtle comments that made them wonder how accepting they really were. He didn't even think they realized what their comments implied. Deep down, he knew his parents would be accepting. But every gay kid has heard the horrific stories about kids being kicked out of their houses or worse when they tell their parents. It's still a scary thing no matter what how accepting you think your parents are. So, they were the last to know. And I know they felt horrible and guilty that they felt he couldn't tell him right away.

From my standpoint, unless someone is in danger or similar situation, it's a really scummy thing to put someone and I would never do that.

There's a huge middle ground between being disowned and being accepted.

Of course. My point was even though deep down he knew his parents would be accepting, he also knew the horror stories. So that's why it was still scary for him. Everytime he would get ready to tell them, that little bit of self doubt of "but what if" would creep into his head and he would get nervous. So PP may have not done anything "wrong" to make her kid feel like they couldn't tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't find out our kid was gay until his mid-twenties but it appears that all our neighbors knew by the time he was in middle school. In retrospect I feel like an idiot and am also sort of bitter than no one thought this was information that we should have had as parents.

That says a lot about you.

I've been on the side of someone who knew when the parents didn't. There was nothing outwardly homophobic about the parents. They were liberals. Voted Democrat. But their kid still said they made some subtle comments that made them wonder how accepting they really were. He didn't even think they realized what their comments implied. Deep down, he knew his parents would be accepting. But every gay kid has heard the horrific stories about kids being kicked out of their houses or worse when they tell their parents. It's still a scary thing no matter what how accepting you think your parents are. So, they were the last to know. And I know they felt horrible and guilty that they felt he couldn't tell him right away.

From my standpoint, unless someone is in danger or similar situation, it's a really scummy thing to put someone and I would never do that.

There's a huge middle ground between being disowned and being accepted.

Of course. My point was even though deep down he knew his parents would be accepting, he also knew the horror stories. So that's why it was still scary for him. Everytime he would get ready to tell them, that little bit of self doubt of "but what if" would creep into his head and he would get nervous. So PP may have not done anything "wrong" to make her kid feel like they couldn't tell her.

It sounds like deep down he wasn't sure how accepting they would really be.

[Anonymous]

Why? You sound like a troublemaker. And 100%, your kids don't want to confide in you. MYOB and work on your relationships in your own home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it odd that adults can be so wrapped up in the dating lives of teens?

Useless moms trying to stay relevant.

I wonder if this is the same as older parents rolling their eyes at parents limiting sugar or healthy snacks.

Our kids are freshmen and dating is new/nonexistent. My teen is a boy and I would absolutely want to know if he was dating another boy.

I also have younger kids and parents think too much screen time is the worst that can happen.

Only if it was another boy? Your MAGA head just won't wrap around that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't find out our kid was gay until his mid-twenties but it appears that all our neighbors knew by the time he was in middle school. In retrospect I feel like an idiot and am also sort of bitter than no one thought this was information that we should have had as parents.

That says a lot about you.

I've been on the side of someone who knew when the parents didn't. There was nothing outwardly homophobic about the parents. They were liberals. Voted Democrat. But their kid still said they made some subtle comments that made them wonder how accepting they really were. He didn't even think they realized what their comments implied. Deep down, he knew his parents would be accepting. But every gay kid has heard the horrific stories about kids being kicked out of their houses or worse when they tell their parents. It's still a scary thing no matter what how accepting you think your parents are. So, they were the last to know. And I know they felt horrible and guilty that they felt he couldn't tell him right away.

From my standpoint, unless someone is in danger or similar situation, it's a really scummy thing to put someone and I would never do that.

There's a huge middle ground between being disowned and being accepted.

Of course. My point was even though deep down he knew his parents would be accepting, he also knew the horror stories. So that's why it was still scary for him. Everytime he would get ready to tell them, that little bit of self doubt of "but what if" would creep into his head and he would get nervous. So PP may have not done anything "wrong" to make her kid feel like they couldn't tell her.

In my (admittedly secondhand) experience, the concern was never the horror-story scenarios of getting kicked out of the house. It was that their parents would think less of them or be disappointed in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few of our friends have kids who all attend the same high school. My children attended a different high school. One friend said her child told her about my friend’s daughter and her girlfriend.

I personally would want to be made aware as a parent. I would also want to know if my daughter had a boyfriend.

Presumably you can find other things to gossip about. Or just complain about your husband. Don't make drama for others.

I would want to know if this was my child. I guess all of you would not want to know.

I would like to know, but my concern here would be more about why my child did not confide in me, and less about who they're dating. There is something not quite right about that relationship if the child is not trusting the parent with the information.

[Anonymous]

I won’t say anything.

I understand the MYOB and not saying anything part.

I don’t understand all the parents who don’t seem to want to know what their kids are doing. Maybe I’m just naive because I don’t think my kids are dating yet. I’m 99.9% they are not dating yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I won’t say anything.

I understand the MYOB and not saying anything part.

I don’t understand all the parents who don’t seem to want to know what their kids are doing. Maybe I’m just naive because I don’t think my kids are dating yet. I’m 99.9% they are not dating yet.

No one has said they don't want to know.

[Anonymous]

You're a busybody. And a gossip too.

[Anonymous]

People are confusing first hand, eye-witness info, and gossip.

You cannot share gossip that's not actually a threat, OP. Gossip can be wrong, and create suspicion and resentment for no reason. Some teens make stuff up, just because they're getting back at someone. Be aware of that!

Feel free to share with your friend, your own eye-witness account of what you've seen your friend's child do and say. That's fair game. You can use your discretion as you wish in that situation.