Adult daughter is fat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she not on ozempic like other fat adults?

She may not wish to risk blindness?

That is very rare and it seems to happen primarily in people that are diabetic. The data is also not conclusive that GLP-1s are causing the blindness. Obesity is a known risk factor for cancer, heart disease, kidney failure, stroke, blindness and it increases the risk of all cause mortality. Decent data on GLP-1s indicates that they can reduce all-cause mortality by 10-15% in people that are obese or have diabetes.

If you can afford to do so and she is interested, pay for her ozempic.

Agree. If you can't help pay, even just mentioning to your daughter that prices have gone down might be helpful. Everyone's head of GLP-1's, sure, but not everyone is aware of current prices.

Oh yeah, just the kind of casual random information I'd love for my mother to drop on me.

[Anonymous]

I am still confuse as to why this is the one area where it’s considered okay to give unsolicited advice.

If your daughter responded by telling you about a “new salon that’s really great with hair like yours, like they work miracles” or offering you the number of a plastic surgeon who is “really great with aging skin” would that be okay?

Whenever my mean immigrant mother in law critiqued my weight I wanted to respond by offering the name of a tutor or someone who tutored in remedial English.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was always thin growing up and active. Now she works full time but is overweight. I’m worried how this will affect her health and marriage potential. Do I bring it up? Or ask if she’s visiting the doctor recently. I was thinking GLP 1 could be an option but I don’t want to push it.

No. You do not bring up your adult daughters weight with her. You MYOB until she shares with you.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah, just the kind of casual random information I'd love for my mother to drop on me.[google]

My mom used to casually inform me that I weighed almost as much as she did when she was 9 months pregnant - loved that! She did this when I was 16 and weighed 120 pounds (we are both 5'4). I think she wanted me to be 100 pounds max. Im still the same size 35 years later and she still says this stuff.

Anyway, I digress. Leave your daughter alone, OP.

[Anonymous]

At age 59, I still recall the comments my well-meaning and otherwise great parents made to me when I gained a few pounds.

My own adult daughter let me know that similar comments I made to her in the past were harmful.

Just love her and support her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you are worried about her marriage prospects only. It's not normal to combine health and marriage prospects in the same sentence. You only added health to seem like less of an ass, but your true concerns are obvious. You don't think a man will be attracted to your fat daughter.

NP, I think “health concerns” are the new coded way we talk about weight when we really means aesthetics/looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still confuse as to why this is the one area where it’s considered okay to give unsolicited advice.

If your daughter responded by telling you about a “new salon that’s really great with hair like yours, like they work miracles” or offering you the number of a plastic surgeon who is “really great with aging skin” would that be okay?

Whenever my mean immigrant mother in law critiqued my weight I wanted to respond by offering the name of a tutor or someone who tutored in remedial English.

Can we be friends?

Well done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you are worried about her marriage prospects only. It's not normal to combine health and marriage prospects in the same sentence. You only added health to seem like less of an ass, but your true concerns are obvious. You don't think a man will be attracted to your fat daughter.

NP, I think “health concerns” are the new coded way we talk about weight when we really means aesthetics/looks.

I heard that in the 90s. "It's for your health" but two minutes later "but it's a shame, you have such a pretty face."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you are worried about her marriage prospects only. It's not normal to combine health and marriage prospects in the same sentence. You only added health to seem like less of an ass, but your true concerns are obvious. You don't think a man will be attracted to your fat daughter.

NP, I think “health concerns” are the new coded way we talk about weight when we really means aesthetics/looks.

It is 100 percent. And the health concerns are usually advance by a vain beeyotch ice mommy with botox face.

[Anonymous]

I am a fat not so young adult. The two helpful things for me would be offering to pay for my ozempic (I am actually waiting for prior authorization for vegovy and it’s taking forever), and bringing or sending me healthy food I don’t need to cook (eg salads).

But honestly, OP, you have to get selfish here and try to preserve your relationship above all else, so that she doesn’t abandon you when you are old. Let her do what she wants. At least she doesn’t drink or take drugs or a bum.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you did not educate them properly about nutrition, exercise and a healthy lifestyle. Are you also fat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still confuse as to why this is the one area where it’s considered okay to give unsolicited advice.

If your daughter responded by telling you about a “new salon that’s really great with hair like yours, like they work miracles” or offering you the number of a plastic surgeon who is “really great with aging skin” would that be okay?

Whenever my mean immigrant mother in law critiqued my weight I wanted to respond by offering the name of a tutor or someone who tutored in remedial English.

Having an unattractive hairstyle or wrinkled skin or speaking English imperfectly doesn’t impact the functionality of your body, increase your risk for many different diseases or shorten your lifespan like obesity does. It may be a terrible idea for a mother to discuss weight gain with her daughter, but a significant weight gain does present a threat to her daughter’s health, and mothers worry about their children’s health, even if their children are adults.

[Anonymous]

Is she single? How soon do you want to be a grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still confuse as to why this is the one area where it’s considered okay to give unsolicited advice.

If your daughter responded by telling you about a “new salon that’s really great with hair like yours, like they work miracles” or offering you the number of a plastic surgeon who is “really great with aging skin” would that be okay?

Whenever my mean immigrant mother in law critiqued my weight I wanted to respond by offering the name of a tutor or someone who tutored in remedial English.

Having an unattractive hairstyle or wrinkled skin or speaking English imperfectly doesn’t impact the functionality of your body, increase your risk for many different diseases or shorten your lifespan like obesity does. It may be a terrible idea for a mother to discuss weight gain with her daughter, but a significant weight gain does present a threat to her daughter’s health, and mothers worry about their children’s health, even if their children are adults.

I disagree. The subtext is still "I don't like the way you are and therefore I like you less. I would like you more if you were different." And you know what? That's true for many adult children as well. "Hon, how bout we set you up with a subscription for Stitch Fix. Those capri pants really aren't doing you any favors."

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your child.