If you don’t want your kid to ever have a play date with another kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

That’s your reason for never having play dates? Play dates are actually important for kids. You should push yourself to allow your kid this normal feature of child development. I don’t know how old your child is, but you can handle playdates in a way that is less exhausting. It shouldn’t be that much work to eg meet up at a playground with coffee for an hour.

If the issue is other parents wanted to stay then see if you can do drop off playdates. Then you’ll get actual downtime when you drop your child off!

Finally other parents (who are worthwhile people) actually can understand if you tell them you are exhausted, and will be happy to do workarounds. If a parent told me “I’d love to but am just too exhausted to host - would mind hosting or maybe we can just meet up in the park for an hour” I would be more than happy to oblige.

No, these scheduled play dates are not actually important. They really aren’t.

+1000000. Play dates are for bored moms who want to control the social lives of their children.

[Anonymous]

I guess I have some sympathy for kids deemed as intolerable, because I grew up in a highly dysfunctional home. Kids act out what they are experiencing inside their four walls. I remember one of our DD's friends increasingly ramping up over a few years, becoming increasingly manipulative, trying to get DD's younger sibling in trouble all the time, the constant feeling like she trying to get me to see her as my favorite child when she wasn't my child. Her parents divorced in upper elementary, and then it all made sense. I don't know...I guess I just have sympathy for young kids who might be experiencing turmoil at home but don't know how to express or where to put it, so they put it on their friends. As another parent, you can be a mentor to a kid like that if you look at the kid as scared instead of scary. Just food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Play dates are important for kids. It’s helps them have peer to peer time and learn how to handle relationships, their emotions and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Vacations are hard because unless we plan playgrounds and kid focused things the kid has to play w us and we don’t always enjoy that. And then also kid is the center of attention.


My DD is the reason to stop play dates and we have also had reason to stop play dates. I like the we are too busy excuse. I make an effort or two and then stop asking. The door is open but now the ball is w the other family to ask.

For the one we stopped to told the mom we were happy for playdates as long as her ex/the dad wasn’t there. Too many body image comments about adults not realizing they trickle down to girls. She doesn’t talk to him except logistics so asked us too and I don’t like him so made no effort. It affected our kids seeing each other but happy for the hit.

This is an only child problem. People with more kids don’t worry about peer to peer time or entertaining on vacations when they have siblings to play with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play dates are important for kids. It’s helps them have peer to peer time and learn how to handle relationships, their emotions and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Vacations are hard because unless we plan playgrounds and kid focused things the kid has to play w us and we don’t always enjoy that. And then also kid is the center of attention.


My DD is the reason to stop play dates and we have also had reason to stop play dates. I like the we are too busy excuse. I make an effort or two and then stop asking. The door is open but now the ball is w the other family to ask.

For the one we stopped to told the mom we were happy for playdates as long as her ex/the dad wasn’t there. Too many body image comments about adults not realizing they trickle down to girls. She doesn’t talk to him except logistics so asked us too and I don’t like him so made no effort. It affected our kids seeing each other but happy for the hit.

Kids are at school all day with other kids, there is lots of free time at school (lunch, recess, aftercare, specials..), plus extra curriculars, plus birthday parties, neighborhood kids, kids at the playground, siblings, summer camp. This is plenty of opportunity to form relationships and socialize. A 2 hr play date on a Saturday here and there is not in any way important for development

I'm sure your darling child is a joy to be around. Schools are controlled environments. Casual playdates where they don't have supervision are important for development.

[Anonymous]

How about, "we have limited family time so Mary doesn't do play dates."

"I'm so glad Mary and Jane are friends. I hear so many good things about their time at school."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play dates are important for kids. It’s helps them have peer to peer time and learn how to handle relationships, their emotions and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Vacations are hard because unless we plan playgrounds and kid focused things the kid has to play w us and we don’t always enjoy that. And then also kid is the center of attention.


My DD is the reason to stop play dates and we have also had reason to stop play dates. I like the we are too busy excuse. I make an effort or two and then stop asking. The door is open but now the ball is w the other family to ask.

For the one we stopped to told the mom we were happy for playdates as long as her ex/the dad wasn’t there. Too many body image comments about adults not realizing they trickle down to girls. She doesn’t talk to him except logistics so asked us too and I don’t like him so made no effort. It affected our kids seeing each other but happy for the hit.

This is an only child problem. People with more kids don’t worry about peer to peer time or entertaining on vacations when they have siblings to play with.

So dumb. No, this is not a problem for anyone. Even *gasp* only children. I have an only child and don’t worry about play dates at all. My child gets plenty of social interaction without constant play dates.

[Anonymous]

Just please don’t “ignore” all requests. Say something. It’s rude and frustrating for the family reaching out about a play date..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

That’s your reason for never having play dates? Play dates are actually important for kids. You should push yourself to allow your kid this normal feature of child development. I don’t know how old your child is, but you can handle playdates in a way that is less exhausting. It shouldn’t be that much work to eg meet up at a playground with coffee for an hour.

If the issue is other parents wanted to stay then see if you can do drop off playdates. Then you’ll get actual downtime when you drop your child off!

Finally other parents (who are worthwhile people) actually can understand if you tell them you are exhausted, and will be happy to do workarounds. If a parent told me “I’d love to but am just too exhausted to host - would mind hosting or maybe we can just meet up in the park for an hour” I would be more than happy to oblige.

No, these scheduled play dates are not actually important. They really aren’t.

+1000000. Play dates are for bored moms who want to control the social lives of their children.

It’s because kids like being with their peers, not family all the time. It’s not so difficult to let the kids run around at a park, or trade off hosting so you can get some downtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I never posted about needing downtime. real reason is that the other kid just isn’t who I want my kid around. We can’t say we are busy because we might run into the kid at the playground on the same day we turned down the play date.

Someone took over your thread, you need to start a new one. You're being cruel and you need to just man up to it. "Sorry I don't want sweet little Henry playing with Max, Max is an a-hole and Henry is a good boy."

I think it’s just better to be honest but in a diplomatic way. Parents need to know when their kid is not behaving well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

That’s your reason for never having play dates? Play dates are actually important for kids. You should push yourself to allow your kid this normal feature of child development. I don’t know how old your child is, but you can handle playdates in a way that is less exhausting. It shouldn’t be that much work to eg meet up at a playground with coffee for an hour.

If the issue is other parents wanted to stay then see if you can do drop off playdates. Then you’ll get actual downtime when you drop your child off!

Finally other parents (who are worthwhile people) actually can understand if you tell them you are exhausted, and will be happy to do workarounds. If a parent told me “I’d love to but am just too exhausted to host - would mind hosting or maybe we can just meet up in the park for an hour” I would be more than happy to oblige.

No, these scheduled play dates are not actually important. They really aren’t.

+1000000. Play dates are for bored moms who want to control the social lives of their children.

It’s because kids like being with their peers, not family all the time. It’s not so difficult to let the kids run around at a park, or trade off hosting so you can get some downtime.

What is this downtime? Instead of two or three kids in the house now you have three or four? How relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play dates are important for kids. It’s helps them have peer to peer time and learn how to handle relationships, their emotions and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Vacations are hard because unless we plan playgrounds and kid focused things the kid has to play w us and we don’t always enjoy that. And then also kid is the center of attention.


My DD is the reason to stop play dates and we have also had reason to stop play dates. I like the we are too busy excuse. I make an effort or two and then stop asking. The door is open but now the ball is w the other family to ask.

For the one we stopped to told the mom we were happy for playdates as long as her ex/the dad wasn’t there. Too many body image comments about adults not realizing they trickle down to girls. She doesn’t talk to him except logistics so asked us too and I don’t like him so made no effort. It affected our kids seeing each other but happy for the hit.

Kids are at school all day with other kids, there is lots of free time at school (lunch, recess, aftercare, specials..), plus extra curriculars, plus birthday parties, neighborhood kids, kids at the playground, siblings, summer camp. This is plenty of opportunity to form relationships and socialize. A 2 hr play date on a Saturday here and there is not in any way important for development

I'm sure your darling child is a joy to be around. Schools are controlled environments. Casual playdates where they don't have supervision are important for development.

^there are several ways for to kids socialize both in and out of school without 1:1 scheduled play dates, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

I would approach this as playing the long game. Play dates early on do require talking to parents and occasionally hosting at your house but as the kids get older they become drop off play dates. My child now does a lot of play dates that require no interaction other than a wave at the other parents as we drop kids off.

[Anonymous]

You can block their phone number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

Just say, "Things feel hectic! Our family needs a lot of downtime to recover, so unfortunately Larla won't be available for play dates. Thank you so much for asking, though!"

[Anonymous]

She will assume it's something bad about her or her child if you don't give her a reason.