If you don’t want your kid to ever have a play date with another kid

[Anonymous]

I mostly just try to attach playdates to things we are doing already. So if DS’ friend is in our soccer class, I might ask if they want to go to the playground together afterward. That kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I never posted about needing downtime. real reason is that the other kid just isn’t who I want my kid around. We can’t say we are busy because we might run into the kid at the playground on the same day we turned down the play date.

Someone took over your thread, you need to start a new one. You're being cruel and you need to just man up to it. "Sorry I don't want sweet little Henry playing with Max, Max is an a-hole and Henry is a good boy."

[Anonymous]

How old are these kids? What is it about the other kid that you don’t want your kid to be around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I never posted about needing downtime. real reason is that the other kid just isn’t who I want my kid around. We can’t say we are busy because we might run into the kid at the playground on the same day we turned down the play date.

Someone took over your thread, you need to start a new one. You're being cruel and you need to just man up to it. "Sorry I don't want sweet little Henry playing with Max, Max is an a-hole and Henry is a good boy."

I don't think it's cruel if Max really is an a-hole. In this situation I would use one of the many deferral options like needing some time off from playdates with each other. One of the kids who was kind of difficult in K-1 has gotten much better better over the years. I think his parents were too wishy-washy and it took a few years at school for him to understand basic social expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
“Things are too hectic with back to school! Another time!”

“This is a really busy weekend for us so it doesn’t work!”

“Things are crazy with the holidays! We have so much travel we don’t have any free weekends!”

And on and on until they take a hint

I eradicate people who are always "crazy" busy and have "hectic" schedules. Clearly, they cannot control and organize their own lives. When people use these terms Bout work, as a boss, I think 'inefficient worker - why do I employ them'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

Interesting. I felt it was easiest for me when my kid had a friend over.

Me too! I don’t relate to this at all. My sister never did play dates and her kids don’t have friends and are clingy, now in MS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I never posted about needing downtime. real reason is that the other kid just isn’t who I want my kid around. We can’t say we are busy because we might run into the kid at the playground on the same day we turned down the play date.

Someone took over your thread, you need to start a new one. You're being cruel and you need to just man up to it. "Sorry I don't want sweet little Henry playing with Max, Max is an a-hole and Henry is a good boy."

I actually did say the truth to one of my daughter's "friend's" mom. Anna is aggressive with Larla and it erodes her self confidence. Larla struggles asserting herself, so I'd rather her be surrounded by kids with whom she's comfortable asserting herself until she get more practice. 3 years later they are friends at school but don't have playdates- and I'm cool with that. I don't like her parents that much - her mom is a bully too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

Interesting. I felt it was easiest for me when my kid had a friend over.

It’s easy for me if my older child has a friend over but my younger child loses her mind if my older child has a playdate so we have to get her out of the house, which means more logistics for us. So we don’t host play dates very often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really really strange to me. You never want your child to have a playdate because you need downtime? There’s no set schedule for playdates. You can do them one a year or once a week. You can do them at a park or meet up at a farmers market or a pool or accept invitations to other people’s houses. What does your kid want? My kids are way more social than I am so I try to do playdates one a schedule that isn’t overwhelming to me. It doesn’t have to be so black and white.

Haha! i’m trying to picture two preschool kids/elementary kids going to a farmers market together as a play date. What are you gonna do? Buy them some artisanal kale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I never posted about needing downtime. real reason is that the other kid just isn’t who I want my kid around. We can’t say we are busy because we might run into the kid at the playground on the same day we turned down the play date.

Someone took over your thread, you need to start a new one. You're being cruel and you need to just man up to it. "Sorry I don't want sweet little Henry playing with Max, Max is an a-hole and Henry is a good boy."

I actually did say the truth to one of my daughter's "friend's" mom. Anna is aggressive with Larla and it erodes her self confidence. Larla struggles asserting herself, so I'd rather her be surrounded by kids with whom she's comfortable asserting herself until she get more practice. 3 years later they are friends at school but don't have playdates- and I'm cool with that. I don't like her parents that much - her mom is a bully too.

Wow, you have balls to be so honest, sounds like it worked but how did she react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

That’s your reason for never having play dates? Play dates are actually important for kids. You should push yourself to allow your kid this normal feature of child development. I don’t know how old your child is, but you can handle playdates in a way that is less exhausting. It shouldn’t be that much work to eg meet up at a playground with coffee for an hour.

If the issue is other parents wanted to stay then see if you can do drop off playdates. Then you’ll get actual downtime when you drop your child off!

Finally other parents (who are worthwhile people) actually can understand if you tell them you are exhausted, and will be happy to do workarounds. If a parent told me “I’d love to but am just too exhausted to host - would mind hosting or maybe we can just meet up in the park for an hour” I would be more than happy to oblige.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real reason? That I need downtime. I've got a feeling you wouldn't be happy with that, because it's almost taboo in this world to be an introvert who wants peace and quiet and not too much work to do.

That’s your reason for never having play dates? Play dates are actually important for kids. You should push yourself to allow your kid this normal feature of child development. I don’t know how old your child is, but you can handle playdates in a way that is less exhausting. It shouldn’t be that much work to eg meet up at a playground with coffee for an hour.

If the issue is other parents wanted to stay then see if you can do drop off playdates. Then you’ll get actual downtime when you drop your child off!

Finally other parents (who are worthwhile people) actually can understand if you tell them you are exhausted, and will be happy to do workarounds. If a parent told me “I’d love to but am just too exhausted to host - would mind hosting or maybe we can just meet up in the park for an hour” I would be more than happy to oblige.

No, these scheduled play dates are not actually important. They really aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
“Things are too hectic with back to school! Another time!”

“This is a really busy weekend for us so it doesn’t work!”

“Things are crazy with the holidays! We have so much travel we don’t have any free weekends!”

And on and on until they take a hint

I eradicate people who are always "crazy" busy and have "hectic" schedules. Clearly, they cannot control and organize their own lives. When people use these terms Bout work, as a boss, I think 'inefficient worker - why do I employ them'.

That’s the intended result of saying these things. They want you to take the hint and you do.

[Anonymous]

Play dates are important for kids. It’s helps them have peer to peer time and learn how to handle relationships, their emotions and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Vacations are hard because unless we plan playgrounds and kid focused things the kid has to play w us and we don’t always enjoy that. And then also kid is the center of attention.


My DD is the reason to stop play dates and we have also had reason to stop play dates. I like the we are too busy excuse. I make an effort or two and then stop asking. The door is open but now the ball is w the other family to ask.

For the one we stopped to told the mom we were happy for playdates as long as her ex/the dad wasn’t there. Too many body image comments about adults not realizing they trickle down to girls. She doesn’t talk to him except logistics so asked us too and I don’t like him so made no effort. It affected our kids seeing each other but happy for the hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Play dates are important for kids. It’s helps them have peer to peer time and learn how to handle relationships, their emotions and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Vacations are hard because unless we plan playgrounds and kid focused things the kid has to play w us and we don’t always enjoy that. And then also kid is the center of attention.


My DD is the reason to stop play dates and we have also had reason to stop play dates. I like the we are too busy excuse. I make an effort or two and then stop asking. The door is open but now the ball is w the other family to ask.

For the one we stopped to told the mom we were happy for playdates as long as her ex/the dad wasn’t there. Too many body image comments about adults not realizing they trickle down to girls. She doesn’t talk to him except logistics so asked us too and I don’t like him so made no effort. It affected our kids seeing each other but happy for the hit.

Kids are at school all day with other kids, there is lots of free time at school (lunch, recess, aftercare, specials..), plus extra curriculars, plus birthday parties, neighborhood kids, kids at the playground, siblings, summer camp. This is plenty of opportunity to form relationships and socialize. A 2 hr play date on a Saturday here and there is not in any way important for development