Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I earn 400k and wife stays home. Her earning potential is low so it doesn't make sense.

I earn $800K+ and wife has stayed home since kids arrived. Her earnings potential was high, but we still jointly made that choice (totally her choice). 20+ years ago we could have easily had a full time nanny and it would have only been 20% of her salary, but she wanted to be home with the kids. At some point, yes we could "earn more" but why? I make plenty for our lifestyle

Does she have full transparency and access to all the money you earn? DH earns that much; I work because he's controlling and secretive. Our kids still get plenty of time with me because I hire out everything, including meal prep, laundry, cleaning, and some driving, so when I'm with them, I'm 100% present and focused on them.

Yes, my wife has full access to all the money. in fact, she manages it (with our FA). I would have to ask her where the money is and how to access it. For all I know she could be transferring all of our money into her own name, as I dont' check the accounts. But she isn't because we have a loving, supportive relationship. We have an agreement that we only consult with each other for big purchases (over $1k). But in reality we rarely dont' agree on what to spend, and I'm not controlling. Our money is her money as much as it is mine.

I find this odd and wonder if the wife is posting as the husband. This just doesn't sound like the way a man would talk.

[Anonymous]

I got rich making minimum wage for 29 years.
Had I known what I know now, the financial freedom would have come within 5 years of making minimum wage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it's not the only way to wealth, but people striving to achieve wealth typically have a "trailing spouse" who takes care of groceries, cooking, cleaning, repairs, appointments, gifts, vacation planning, etc. Even if it's outsourced, the trailing spouse is managing it. That's incredibly helpful in letting the other spouse focus on work.
In theory you could hire someone to do all this, but in practice people don't - especially if they are striving but not yet actually wealthy.

+1000

Spouse has been a CEO for 18 years. At all 3 companies and out of 35+ "execs", only 3 of the women had kids (the others were DINKS and planned to stay that way) and of the 3 with kids, 2 of them had SAHDs until the kids were in school and even then, the SAHD is the primary go to for "kid is sick, doctors appt, PT conferences". And of all the Male execs, only 1 had a spouse who worked---the rest stayed home with the kids or worked very PT (and as expected those working PT had to manage Childcare issues/sick kids/etc for their PT work, spouse did not do that).

Sure you can outsource things, but yes, the fact is for most who rise to Exec level/highest levels at work, they do so most often without having the stressors of being responsible for any issues outside of work (unless it's seriously major issue). Much easier to excel at work if you don't have to ever leave at 5:30pm to pickup kids before daycare closes. Never have to worry about "I cannot travel to that meeting next week, as my spouse is traveling and it's my week to be on kid duty", etc. All the little things that make it easier to advance at work.

None of this is relevant for your DH and most senior execs. I have a friend who is a BigLaw partner as well as a husband who runs a family business.

They have a live-in nanny and live-in housekeeper. Neither ever has to worry about picking up the kids at 5:30pm or finding coverage for a business trip (or finding coverage if they want to shoot off to Paris for a long weekend which they do from time-to-time).

She is just the type of person that would go nuts if she didn't have the stimulation of work

Someone still has to manage the Live in nanny and live in housekeeper. Point is even with both spouses working, someone has to manage the Homefront (on some level). And it's much easier to advance at work if you literally are the one who doesn't really ever have to do that. If the nanny decides to quit, someone has to find a new one and cobble together a part time team until that happens.

I get, some people need to work for the stimulation, nothgin wrong with that. But don't kid yourself that someone (male or female) who literally does not have to ever stress over kids and stuff at home will go further.

Again…just a silly statement. Money literally solves all problems and if you are so supposedly senior yet can’t take a week once every 13 years (yeah the nanny has been there that long…with no intention of going anywhere because there is nowhere to go with what she is being paid) to handle a situation…well then you aren’t the high powered exec after all.

Neither worries much about the home front all that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I earn 400k and wife stays home. Her earning potential is low so it doesn't make sense.

I earn $800K+ and wife has stayed home since kids arrived. Her earnings potential was high, but we still jointly made that choice (totally her choice). 20+ years ago we could have easily had a full time nanny and it would have only been 20% of her salary, but she wanted to be home with the kids. At some point, yes we could "earn more" but why? I make plenty for our lifestyle

Does she have full transparency and access to all the money you earn? DH earns that much; I work because he's controlling and secretive. Our kids still get plenty of time with me because I hire out everything, including meal prep, laundry, cleaning, and some driving, so when I'm with them, I'm 100% present and focused on them.

Yes, my wife has full access to all the money. in fact, she manages it (with our FA). I would have to ask her where the money is and how to access it. For all I know she could be transferring all of our money into her own name, as I dont' check the accounts. But she isn't because we have a loving, supportive relationship. We have an agreement that we only consult with each other for big purchases (over $1k). But in reality we rarely dont' agree on what to spend, and I'm not controlling. Our money is her money as much as it is mine.

I find this odd and wonder if the wife is posting as the husband. This just doesn't sound like the way a man would talk.

I mean- personally- if I was making 800k with a Sahw I’d probably leave the mommy boards to the wife - it’s amazing such a high earner would have time to play here on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

You need to look at what youre offering, OP. No kids ever, frugal lifestyle, husband who expects his career to take priority but doesn't actually earn that much? Sorry but a lot of women would not find that appealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to look at what youre offering, OP. No kids ever, frugal lifestyle, husband who expects his career to take priority but doesn't actually earn that much? Sorry but a lot of women would not find that appealing.

OP here. I'm not looking for a wife nor kids. So I am not offering them anything as I don't have much to offer them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?

I have no desire to get married, but I noticed that most people who are wealthy are married. I make $150k and I am 35. It seems to me that most men with my salary who are on their way to good wealth are married to someone who makes as much as them or more.

lmao for a man? Heck no. At best marriage is a neutral for men financially; usually a net burden. And lord help you if she divorces you ... your finances will be wrecked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, no. Being married typically leads to kids which make you poorer for most of your life. But divorce is a quick way to becoming poor.

Truth.


My husband only dragged me down.

The best way to wealth is through a generous and successful parent or grandparent. Husbands aren’t worth the risk.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, no. Being married typically leads to kids which make you poorer for most of your life. But divorce is a quick way to becoming poor.

Truth.


My husband only dragged me down.

The best way to wealth is through a generous and successful parent or grandparent. Husbands aren’t worth the risk.

+1

Nor are wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?

I have no desire to get married, but I noticed that most people who are wealthy are married. I make $150k and I am 35. It seems to me that most men with my salary who are on their way to good wealth are married to someone who makes as much as them or more.

35 and still unmarried? Have you ever had a long term relationship? I think you will be luck to land a husband at this rate, never mind a wealthy one.

[Anonymous]

Of course not. Make your own money.

[Anonymous]

No…I’m single, never married, and wealthy. Self-made. Next question.

[Anonymous]

No. I’m 38 and single, never married, and wealthy (NW $15M+). Self-made. No inheritance. Next question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you happy as a single person? Kids are expensive and 1/2 of the marriages fail.

That "half of marriages fail number" applies to people with less than HS education. College educated folks have divorce rates much lower than that.



The growth of education differentials in marital dissolution in the United States: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8980992/[/url][url]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you happy as a single person? Kids are expensive and 1/2 of the marriages fail.

That "half of marriages fail number" applies to people with less than HS education. College educated folks have divorce rates much lower than that.



The growth of education differentials in marital dissolution in the United States: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8980992/[/url][url]

This is true. But many are also miserable. "We are staying for the kids". " We can't afford to divorce because of retirement impact". "We are just roommates at this point"

Yeah you see a lot of these people smiling in public, sometimes even holding hand, but as soon as they go home it's misery all over again