Child Starting K Will Have Extreme Difficulty Separating - What to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t going to be helpful for people who have kids who are already older, but if you are reading this discussion and thinking how can I avoid this with my future child and/or infant, the answer is daycare!!! My child has no issues separating because they and their daycare peers learned to trust other adults and develop confidence from a young age. My child expects to have fun and enjoy herself without me being there, so she does. Waiting until a child is ready for prek4 or older increases the chances that there will be separation issues because it’s a new skill that has to be developed.

I wrote a list of suggestions above. My kid was in daycare from infancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t going to be helpful for people who have kids who are already older, but if you are reading this discussion and thinking how can I avoid this with my future child and/or infant, the answer is daycare!!! My child has no issues separating because they and their daycare peers learned to trust other adults and develop confidence from a young age. My child expects to have fun and enjoy herself without me being there, so she does. Waiting until a child is ready for prek4 or older increases the chances that there will be separation issues because it’s a new skill that has to be developed.

I agree with you about it being a skill, but daycare doesn’t necessarily solve the issue for anxious kids. My two went to daycare. The oldest became very comfortable at daycare but still wildly anxious for preschool, and again with the transition to elementary. Don’t assume all kids extrapolate from “this adult in daycare is great” to “I’m good with new adults, new kids, and new environments, all at the same time!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t going to be helpful for people who have kids who are already older, but if you are reading this discussion and thinking how can I avoid this with my future child and/or infant, the answer is daycare!!! My child has no issues separating because they and their daycare peers learned to trust other adults and develop confidence from a young age. My child expects to have fun and enjoy herself without me being there, so she does. Waiting until a child is ready for prek4 or older increases the chances that there will be separation issues because it’s a new skill that has to be developed.

I wrote a list of suggestions above. My kid was in daycare from infancy.

That is nothing to brag about at all, and it doesn't even guarantee that the child will handle K without separation anxiety. If anything, kids who formed a strong bond with a primary caregiver during infancy feel more secure about attending preschool away from mom and dad, and then real school.

[Anonymous]

My oldest kid had a really hard time with transitions and separations when he was young. He had a lot of anxiety. Talking about it too much for a long time before actually made it worse.

I would not have talked about it at all until 2-3 weeks before it was happening and then done daily playing on the playground and some fun kindergarten stories. I would try to find any excuse to bring a paper into the office or go in and ask a question. I wouldn’t have him say anything, just bring him for the errand. I did this many years in elementary because he got just as nervous every first day of school again. It helped to have him set foot in the building with no one around with no pressure.

For my kid, it would be worse if I stuck around. We would have to do a quick goodbye and promptly leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t going to be helpful for people who have kids who are already older, but if you are reading this discussion and thinking how can I avoid this with my future child and/or infant, the answer is daycare!!! My child has no issues separating because they and their daycare peers learned to trust other adults and develop confidence from a young age. My child expects to have fun and enjoy herself without me being there, so she does. Waiting until a child is ready for prek4 or older increases the chances that there will be separation issues because it’s a new skill that has to be developed.

I wrote a list of suggestions above. My kid was in daycare from infancy.

That is nothing to brag about at all, and it doesn't even guarantee that the child will handle K without separation anxiety. If anything, kids who formed a strong bond with a primary caregiver during infancy feel more secure about attending preschool away from mom and dad, and then real school.

Right, I wrote a list of suggestions because my kid struggled so much with transition. I'm not bragging. I am saying that daycare wasn't the solution.

[Anonymous]

My DD had a really hard time with that split second of going from parent to school. Teachers and principals who encouraged us to leave, knowing she’d be AOK within minutes, were the lifesavers. She had these episodes sporadically through second grade.

My best tip: try to have lots of cushion built into the time drop off and where you have to be next. This way in case an episode appears, your stress doesn’t make matters worse. I remember once she refused to get out of the car and I had to be at a board meeting in 30 minutes. I was so frustrated that we ended up both crying! When I was able to stay calm, it definitely helped.

Good luck! And fwiw my DD is now a thriving college student that goes into school without a problem