Child Starting K Will Have Extreme Difficulty Separating - What to do?

[Anonymous]

My child will be starting K at a public school. I know it will be terribly difficult for them to separate from me. Drop off will involve screaming, holding onto me tightly, and flat out refusing to separate. They are on the larger and older side for K, so a teacher will be unable to pick them up and bring them into the classroom. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Can your spouse do the drop off? Sometimes kids do better without their mother.

[Anonymous]

I would make a social story about kindergarten and start going over it now. Has your child separated successfully for preschool or activities? Build on that.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Child does not separate well in general. Adjustment to current preschool took a while and they haven't been involved in any activities. We tried some and they refused to separate, so we gave up.

I have started stories about going to K and they react well to that, but not sure that it does much. Separation is slightly better with spouse though, so that's a good idea.

[Anonymous]

I used to work in schools and for kindergarten, the parents could stay as long as the child needed for the first week. By recess there were fewer than half a dozen parents in three classes of kids still there. By the second day, only two parents were still there for an hour. Indirect peer pressure can be a wonderful thing. Do not promise rewards or threaten punishments - he needs to get intrinsically motivated to be interested in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Child does not separate well in general. Adjustment to current preschool took a while and they haven't been involved in any activities. We tried some and they refused to separate, so we gave up.

I have started stories about going to K and they react well to that, but not sure that it does much. Separation is slightly better with spouse though, so that's a good idea.

DP - reading stories about K, but a "social story" is a bit different. If your child does not have any therapist / teacher / school counselor to make one for you, you can google "social story about school drop off" and an AI generated one will pop up, and you can make your own story from that. (It also gives tips for how to use a social story). You can use a picture that looks like your child. You will see a lot information about using social stories for children with autism, but they are useful for children with any kind of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

We consulted a psychologist for our child’s school refusal, which was primarily a refusal to separate from either parent around this age. It was very helpful. We developed a good bye routine that was exactly the same every day. The other thing that can help a lot is walking in with a friend.

I would definitely give the school counselor a heads up and they may be able to meet you at the door to help or come up with a plan. It’s really sad for everyone when this happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We consulted a psychologist for our child’s school refusal, which was primarily a refusal to separate from either parent around this age. It was very helpful. We developed a good bye routine that was exactly the same every day. The other thing that can help a lot is walking in with a friend.

I would definitely give the school counselor a heads up and they may be able to meet you at the door to help or come up with a plan. It’s really sad for everyone when this happens.

Ours was during a lot of COVID restrictions (I would not wish that combination on my worst enemy) so schools may be open to more now.

[Anonymous]

Starting in mid July, we went to play on school playground every day. We made it special with picnics, games, arranging playdates there. We got permission to visit the classroom several times prior to school starting. We also talked a lot about the bus bring fun, took advantage of the practice ride along they did, etc.
….it worked!
Sadly, my son had emergency surgery in December with long recovery, so it set us back to square one. I homeschooled until I found an amazing brick/click (on site and home blend) hybrid gifted charter school.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you, these are all very helpful. We've been playing at the school playground and have already been practicing a goodbye routine. I will research the social story too!

At what point should I consider if this is more than age-appropriate separation issues? Will the teacher tell me?

[Anonymous]

Not sure whether this is something you could try. Obviously, it depends on a child, but one of our kids had the same issue and I didn’t see how they would attend public K.

Then I bought a bunch of books about starting Kindergarten and one of them was about the first day on the school bus. We didn’t need the school bus and planned on driving, but our kid was overjoyed with the idea. So, we did the school bus. They went on the bus with such a joy and excitement. After years of struggle it was just thrilling to watch. It was like a switch.

Good luck. I hope you find something that clicks for your little one.

[Anonymous]

In MoCo, K starts a day earlier than everyone else. I had a kid like that too and I was extremely surprised that she took to school immediately.

[Anonymous]

OP does your child know anyone else who will be attending the school? If not, any steps you can take between now and school starting so that your child will have some familiar faces?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you, these are all very helpful. We've been playing at the school playground and have already been practicing a goodbye routine. I will research the social story too!

At what point should I consider if this is more than age-appropriate separation issues? Will the teacher tell me?

It's already more than age-appropriate. When your kid is the only one in a group of kids clinging to their parent or crying, then you know. You don't need to be told. You already know.

[Anonymous]

now don't you worry
This'll only last a week or two
It won't be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won't even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won't be like this for long