Anyone else have a toxic mother that everyone else thinks is so sweet?

[Anonymous]

I have a very toxic mother. No longer speak to her.

[Anonymous]

My sister is like this. Very outgoing, "fun", all the extended family loves her but she badmouths people behind their backs, including me, and has such a short fuse that I'm always wary of setting her off. I've gone low contact but it still doesn't stop her from outright lying to my aunts about how hard I've made her life, it's bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom isn't toxic anymore thanks to meds and a therapist, but she was until I was about 30. On the outside, she presented as perfect SAHM. Friend thought she was so amazing and were jealous. She has a close relationship with my cousins. Family and family friends would see glimpses of her toxicity, but would brush it off or laugh it off as "anxiety and that's just how she is".

We have a better relationship now (I'm 39) but it still bothers me that she can have a close relationship with my cousins and I could never foster that with her because of how she treated me.

What meds and therapy helped her? Did she have a mental condition they were able to treat?

Wellbutrin and Lexapro made the biggest difference. She has severe anxiety and less severe depression. Ive always suspected there is more but wouldn't push it. Her biggest issue has always been the need for control. She was extremely controlling growing up and if we did something different from what she wanted, she would scream at us and threaten us. This could be over something as minor as she wanted me to wear a certain dress to dinner and I wanted to wear a different one.

[Anonymous]

My mother was an introvert so did not interact with many people. However, I believe the people she did interact with thought she was very nice.

She has a personality disorder and can start screaming at the drop of a hat. This created a stressful environment and the feeling of needing to walk on eggshells.

I've met her coworkers and never mention a thing. Let them think she's nice. I don't care anymore.

These days, my mother is on a lot of drugs and has dementia, so the freakouts have minimized. I also usually see her when others are around, and she would never start screaming if my spouse or someone else was there.

When she was sick, I went to the hospital. She was screaming and a real pain in the rear. It was like managing a toddler for eight hours straight in a small room. Next time, I'm going to go to the hospital later. Maybe if the staff has to deal with her more, they will give her a stronger sedative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom isn't toxic anymore thanks to meds and a therapist, but she was until I was about 30. On the outside, she presented as perfect SAHM. Friend thought she was so amazing and were jealous. She has a close relationship with my cousins. Family and family friends would see glimpses of her toxicity, but would brush it off or laugh it off as "anxiety and that's just how she is".

We have a better relationship now (I'm 39) but it still bothers me that she can have a close relationship with my cousins and I could never foster that with her because of how she treated me.

What meds and therapy helped her? Did she have a mental condition they were able to treat?

Wellbutrin and Lexapro made the biggest difference. She has severe anxiety and less severe depression. Ive always suspected there is more but wouldn't push it. Her biggest issue has always been the need for control. She was extremely controlling growing up and if we did something different from what she wanted, she would scream at us and threaten us. This could be over something as minor as she wanted me to wear a certain dress to dinner and I wanted to wear a different one.

This was my mother, too. I had to wear what she wanted me to wear or else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is like this. Very outgoing, "fun", all the extended family loves her but she badmouths people behind their backs, including me, and has such a short fuse that I'm always wary of setting her off. I've gone low contact but it still doesn't stop her from outright lying to my aunts about how hard I've made her life, it's bizarre.

OMG. I could have written this, except for the aunts. We don't have any aunts or uncles left. In my case, she can only complain to her husband and DD, both of whom she has turned against me at various times. She also turned me against her DH when he cheated on her....so I have fallen prey to her manipulation, too.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are like this. Every one of our friends or neighbors who meets them loves them. They have alienated almost every family member and are not on speaking terms with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is a well known politician. Many people love her. It was hell being her daughter.

Alex? Christine?