How do I get over my envy/jealousy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better, my friend who is a SAHM and drives a big luxury SUV got it because her husband bought it for her and brought it home. She had no input on size, make, color, features, anything. That made me shiver with the thought of having so little control of my life because I didn't have my own money.

I have not one but TWO friends whose husbands bought second homes without consulting them. "I've always dreamed of a cottage on the lake." Unimaginable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine going to bed with their limp noodle husbands.

How old are you? This sort of cope is just so sad and juvenile. I bet everyone with a nicer house and SUV than me has a crummy sex life! I bet their husband has a small penis or can't get it up! I bet they're secretly over-leveraged and broke!

Or... maybe they're in a really loving marriage and their husband just happens to have gotten lucky and made a good amount of money?

And honestly, many (most?) busy middle aged moms don't even really care about sex. Once you pop out the number of kids you want, sex falls pretty far down the list of priorities. This internet porn-brained notion that moms are sexually frustrated and clamoring for sex all the time is nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better, my friend who is a SAHM and drives a big luxury SUV got it because her husband bought it for her and brought it home. She had no input on size, make, color, features, anything. That made me shiver with the thought of having so little control of my life because I didn't have my own money.

I have not one but TWO friends whose husbands bought second homes without consulting them. "I've always dreamed of a cottage on the lake." Unimaginable.

I know plenty of breadwinner men who have done similar, what's the big deal? Why would a SAHM need to be consulted about such a purchase? Was the SAHM a real estate broker, CPA, or tax attorney where their professional insights would be valuable?

Many vacation home transactions are quick insider deals; pocket listings, shared via family, friends, professional networks, sometimes casually mentioned while golfing. Men will handshake on a deal. Looping a ball-breaking wife in just brings drama and you can miss out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Live somewhere else. Seriously, move to where the people are more like you. You will be happier.

There is no place around here with a thriving middle class lifestyle. It’s either the rat race to pay for >$1mil property or poverty.

Nope. Move out farther. Yes, OP will have to keep working, but she'll be in a neighborhood with dual income families making ~250-300k, a nice, but not flashy car, a $1M home, and a yearly vacation. That's pretty much my neighborhood in the non-flashy part of MoCo. I think you'd get the same in parts of Fairfax Co as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Live somewhere else. Seriously, move to where the people are more like you. You will be happier.

There is no place around here with a thriving middle class lifestyle. It’s either the rat race to pay for >$1mil property or poverty.

Nope. Move out farther. Yes, OP will have to keep working, but she'll be in a neighborhood with dual income families making ~250-300k, a nice, but not flashy car, a $1M home, and a yearly vacation. That's pretty much my neighborhood in the non-flashy part of MoCo. I think you'd get the same in parts of Fairfax Co as well.

Also, I admit this isn't middle class - this is on the lower end of upper middle class. But the lifestyle OP is talking about is the upper end of upper middle class - which they can't do.

If she didn't want to work, and her H was OK with it - it's probably fewer vacations and eating out, no expensive camps or travel sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You drive your beat-up 20 year old basic Japanese car everywhere, like I do. I did not intend for my car to become a statement of anything, but at this point it is

+1

Omg- yes. We brought my 20-year old home as newborn in my Japanese car. It has a DVD (6-changer) AND a tape deck. Very fancy in 1996.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cars? Seriously?

How gauche.

Everyone knows luxury car tells you zero about somebody’s net worth. lol

We own 3 homes- 1 million-2 million each. And from our old non-luxury cards people probably think we are living paycheck to paycheck. Zero debt. Full pay T10 colleges.

I would hate to be full time SAH. I’d lose my mind. Retired is something else entirely. That is going to be very enjoyable for us.

+1-- find new priorities if you are for real OP. My husband + I are multimillionaires yet we are city dwellers and have always had just one car. In your car world, people might think we were paupers.

+2