People who are having extra-marital affairs, why not just be open about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurting people and lying/being deceitful is their kink.

They can’t get off like normal people unless there is some risk or deceit involved to heighten emotions.

This. Some people will cheat, no matter how hot their spouse is, no matter how great their home/sex life is. Some people will never cheat, no matter how bad it gets, no matter how unhappy they are.

Cheaters cheat because they're cheaters.

That is a very small percentage. In the vast majority of cases, one or both partners are very, very unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurting people and lying/being deceitful is their kink.

They can’t get off like normal people unless there is some risk or deceit involved to heighten emotions.

This. Some people will cheat, no matter how hot their spouse is, no matter how great their home/sex life is. Some people will never cheat, no matter how bad it gets, no matter how unhappy they are.

Cheaters cheat because they're cheaters.

That is a very small percentage. In the vast majority of cases, one or both partners are very, very unhappy.

Some people will never cheat, no matter how unhappy they are. Other people will make excuses for their shite behavior. There's no excuse. Cheating is always a choice, just like staying, just like leaving. Some people have integrity, others have affairs.

[Anonymous]

Because they're selfish cowards, OP.

I have no judgment on someone in an open marriage. Divorce, or ask our spouse for an open marriage. But people who cheat are cowards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

So why not choice one-divorce? Cheating is at best a temporary fix, 95% of the time it will be exposed and instead of this being a divorce due to irreconcilable differences, its a divorce because you're a lying, cheating scumbag. If you have kids, that a the version they'll carry for the rest of their lives.

I’m a previously asked - why not divorce? …

Seems it’s easier to stay w a liar cheater.

Ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

So why not choice one-divorce? Cheating is at best a temporary fix, 95% of the time it will be exposed and instead of this being a divorce due to irreconcilable differences, its a divorce because you're a lying, cheating scumbag. If you have kids, that a the version they'll carry for the rest of their lives.

I’m a previously asked - why not divorce? …

Seems it’s easier to stay w a liar cheater.

Ridiculous

It actually isn't. Not for me. The lying I knew about was just the tip of the iceberg, as it turned out, and the other lies had nothing to do with extramarital affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurting people and lying/being deceitful is their kink.

They can’t get off like normal people unless there is some risk or deceit involved to heighten emotions.

This. Some people will cheat, no matter how hot their spouse is, no matter how great their home/sex life is. Some people will never cheat, no matter how bad it gets, no matter how unhappy they are.

Cheaters cheat because they're cheaters.

That is a very small percentage. In the vast majority of cases, one or both partners are very, very unhappy.

I agree though that unhappy people shouldn't stay in a marriage. Any woman you marry though should be able to support themselves with their own food and shelter. So what's stopping someone from supporting their kids fully after a divorce if that's really what they were doing to begin with? And if you pay alimony as well then she also is still being supported same way as when you are married. No one is stopping you from spending more money on an ex wife or husband and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Because most spouses will be not be up for an open marriage and if you ask for divorce your spouse wants a reason and wants to try to work on the marriage. It’s just easier to have an affair and make yourself happy while keeping your family happy at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

So why not choice one-divorce? Cheating is at best a temporary fix, 95% of the time it will be exposed and instead of this being a divorce due to irreconcilable differences, its a divorce because you're a lying, cheating scumbag. If you have kids, that a the version they'll carry for the rest of their lives.

You pulled the 95% out of your a$$. You have no idea how many people never get caught and neither does anyone else. It's a temporary fix for sure. That doesn't make it the wrong thing to do at the time. People divorce when they are ready and they stay together, if only for a few years, for all number of good reasons and an affair helps keep a person sane and happy through those times.

Can you explain why my cheating stbx is so miserable and angry? It puzzles me. He found somewhere else he wanted to park it, he filed for divorce once confronted, and has been on a rampage ever since. Doesnt seem sane or happy to me.

I'm sure if I met him and shared a beer or five he'd spill it all and tell me how you make him miserable. Otherwise, I have no clue. Maybe it didn't work out with the AP either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

Well, that is the way it works when the DH has his prostate removed. Does that mean their wives should cheat?

He still has a tongue and fingers, right. Anyway, my example doesn't address illness or disease. Just an otherwise healthy person deciding they no longer want sex. It's a recurring theme on this board from both women and men. There are at least one or two active threads on the subject nearly always.

[Anonymous]

Just read The State of Affairs. It explains basically everything.