People who are having extra-marital affairs, why not just be open about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you ask DCUM? Ask Chatgpt, it will give you better answers, DCUM will soon become obsolete

Why are you even on here then? I love DCUM for human interaction, and human ridiculousness.

That being said, I am in a relationship with a husband in an open relationship. The wife knows about me. She is also seeing another person outside of their marriage. The arrangement seems to be working. I still live with my college-aged daughter, and am too busy to have a full on committed relationship. I appreciate the companionship and the great sex. He is much younger than me. The communication and honesty is great.

The arrangement *seems* to be working. For now.

Enjoy it while it lasts. 99% likelihood it all comes crashing down within a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you ask DCUM? Ask Chatgpt, it will give you better answers, DCUM will soon become obsolete

Why are you even on here then? I love DCUM for human interaction, and human ridiculousness.

That being said, I am in a relationship with a husband in an open relationship. The wife knows about me. She is also seeing another person outside of their marriage. The arrangement seems to be working. I still live with my college-aged daughter, and am too busy to have a full on committed relationship. I appreciate the companionship and the great sex. He is much younger than me. The communication and honesty is great.

The arrangement *seems* to be working. For now.

Enjoy it while it lasts. 99% likelihood it all comes crashing down within a few months.

Well, it’s been half a year so far. I am somewhat detached from the emotional side of things, which is probably why it works.

[Anonymous]

When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open marriage doesn’t mean one where you unilaterally decide to entertain another’s genitals.

Open marriage is a disaster for men lol because the wife will have soooooo many options which will crush the husbands ego.

sure - keep thinking that

True, I did, but I had left my partner already and the options were mostly married men. Then ex partner wanted some too when he discovered that I've been going out and meeting people as a single person. True also that it didn't go well for him. Not sure what made him so upset, but he never woke up after making it home drunk one Saturday.
I think he was turned down or he would not have come home alone and upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

Ugh... This is exactly how it goes. Easier to lie and cheat. Honestly, just get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

Ugh... This is exactly how it goes. Easier to lie and cheat. Honestly, just get divorced.

For many, it's easier to stay married and get your needs met with someone else, but it's never a good long-term plan. I ran in those circles for years.

[Anonymous]

No one needs to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

Men who do zero introspection into why their wives suddenly do not want sex anymore absolutely astound me. It’s not coming from nowhere, buddy. And inevitably, when you divorce, she will be happily very active with her next partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

Is that what your AP tells you about his wife?

[Anonymous]

Hurting people and lying/being deceitful is their kink.

They can’t get off like normal people unless there is some risk or deceit involved to heighten emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

Men who do zero introspection into why their wives suddenly do not want sex anymore absolutely astound me. It’s not coming from nowhere, buddy. And inevitably, when you divorce, she will be happily very active with her next partner.

I know from reading this forum over the years. It's from not sharing housework and child care. So they withhold sex and that makes sense. I know it makes perfect sense because I read it here. There is no other reason for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

Ugh... This is exactly how it goes. Easier to lie and cheat. Honestly, just get divorced.

Or just do the dishes, vacuum and help with the kids more often and she will be all over you again like it was when you first got together. Try to be more introspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

So why not choice one-divorce? Cheating is at best a temporary fix, 95% of the time it will be exposed and instead of this being a divorce due to irreconcilable differences, its a divorce because you're a lying, cheating scumbag. If you have kids, that a the version they'll carry for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your spouse has unilaterally decided that your marital sex life is over, because she no longer desires sex, it's not a natural transition to open the marriage. She is still going to demand complete monogamy and cry fowl at any suggestion otherwise. She will not want her husband to see other women for sex for fear of losing him to someone who actually appreciates him and enjoys having sex with him, unlike her. She would rather he remain miserable in a sexless marriage with her until eventually he is old enough that his his own reduced sex drive matches hers. Men and women cheat instead of asking for an open marriage because they know how that will be received so it's better to not tip them off. The choices are, divorce, or seek what is missing from the marriage with someone else who is likely in the same situation.

My ex is the one who pulled away and frankly I was no longer attracted to him so it was a win/win. Pretty sure he was cheating for years. Doesn't quite match your narrative.

[Anonymous]

Because there are women who will go after and win at least half of everything you've worked for your entire life. You lose your pension, your investments, and half your home equity even if you made the large down payment and paid the monthly payments for 10 years before you married her. Even if she never had kids with you and if she never worked. In many situations, it's cheaper to keep her, as they say.