Sometimes I Don’t Let My Black Sons Have Too Much Fun in Public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone feel better now that they apologized for being White? Good, carryon.

I think OP might be a bit over-concerned but this is the sort of comment that makes his take seem valid.

[Anonymous]

I am European and was raised to not express too much energy or emotion in public. It's uncouth.

My kids are grown now, and apart from when they were little, playing in public playgrounds or having fun at birthday parties, they have also been raised to control themselves in public. And even in playgrounds and parties, I told them to be aware of others, not bump into anyone, not cut in line for activities, not scream, etc.

I think that's normal. I know you're injecting racial fears into this discussion, but there are other reasons why parents might wish to have their kids not be complete terrors outside.

Your concerns are legitimate, OP. Unfortunately the world is a harsh place and your children need to learn to exist in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am European and was raised to not express too much energy or emotion in public. It's uncouth.

My kids are grown now, and apart from when they were little, playing in public playgrounds or having fun at birthday parties, they have also been raised to control themselves in public. And even in playgrounds and parties, I told them to be aware of others, not bump into anyone, not cut in line for activities, not scream, etc.

I think that's normal. I know you're injecting racial fears into this discussion, but there are other reasons why parents might wish to have their kids not be complete terrors outside.

Your concerns are legitimate, OP. Unfortunately the world is a harsh place and your children need to learn to exist in it.

OP's valid concern is the fear of consequences, which will not always be the same for two kids engaged in the same behavior. We have the same desire for our children to behave in public, but the level of parenting anxiety due to the greater possibilty of things going sideways is not the same.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. We are POC and I limit my child too. If my child acts up, there are stares and a lot of judgement. It scares me.

Like the time I was trying to buckle my kid into the car seat. DC hated the car seat and was wailing and screaming bloody murder. An older white man aggressively approached my car and stood there next to my car while giving me an angry look. The look said “I’m watching you! Better not abuse your kid!” He just stood there, staring me down, the entire time I was desperately trying to buckle my kid into their seat. I was really scared he would call the cops on me.

Anyway, yes, I understand where you are coming from OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember our black neighbors wouldn't let their boys play tag, etc, at the bus stop, and I really felt for them. How hard it must be to say no out of fear for the inevitable overreaction to your kid just being a kid. I'm sorry, op.

Not letting kids play tag at the bus stop is common sense for all skin colors.

You sound like one of those annoying parents who believe that society should think every pip and squeak from junior's orifices should considered winsome and sweet. It's not. Your kid is annoying.

What a weird reaction. All the neighborhood kids were playing, and I felt for the black parents who felt they had to say no to their kids. I didn't say anything about my own children.

I wouldn't let mine play either at the bus stop. How is that weird? I also don't let them play outsisde alone for safety, nor my dog.

Sorry, bus stop was a sort of shorthand I used in my initial post for the area near the bus stop where the kids would play before or after school. My point was just that it was all the kids, but even when encouraged to join in, the two black boys wouldn't, and the parents would discourage it, and I realized that sadly they didn't feel like the kids could join in without someone getting upset.

Maybe they wanted their kids to behave a specific way. I would NOT have let mine play at a bus stop. We can go to a playground or our backyard for that I was always very strict with behavior out in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. We are POC and I limit my child too. If my child acts up, there are stares and a lot of judgement. It scares me.

Like the time I was trying to buckle my kid into the car seat. DC hated the car seat and was wailing and screaming bloody murder. An older white man aggressively approached my car and stood there next to my car while giving me an angry look. The look said “I’m watching you! Better not abuse your kid!” He just stood there, staring me down, the entire time I was desperately trying to buckle my kid into their seat. I was really scared he would call the cops on me.

Anyway, yes, I understand where you are coming from OP.

You should have called the police on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone feel better now that they apologized for being White? Good, carryon.

I didn't see anyone apologize for being white, but I'd feel better if you apologized for being a jackass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am European and was raised to not express too much energy or emotion in public. It's uncouth.

My kids are grown now, and apart from when they were little, playing in public playgrounds or having fun at birthday parties, they have also been raised to control themselves in public. And even in playgrounds and parties, I told them to be aware of others, not bump into anyone, not cut in line for activities, not scream, etc.

I think that's normal. I know you're injecting racial fears into this discussion, but there are other reasons why parents might wish to have their kids not be complete terrors outside.

Your concerns are legitimate, OP. Unfortunately the world is a harsh place and your children need to learn to exist in it.

I am American and I was raised to celebrate life and not for new everyone to be miserable to satisfy the misery of the most miserable person in the room.

You can go back to Europe and cry about how everyone there prefers imperialistic American culture to your local culture. It's uncouth to call your hosts "complete terrors".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember our black neighbors wouldn't let their boys play tag, etc, at the bus stop, and I really felt for them. How hard it must be to say no out of fear for the inevitable overreaction to your kid just being a kid. I'm sorry, op.

Not letting kids play tag at the bus stop is common sense for all skin colors.

You sound like one of those annoying parents who believe that society should think every pip and squeak from junior's orifices should considered winsome and sweet. It's not. Your kid is annoying.

I wouldn't let my kids run around at the bus stop. Usually most are near private property so you are letting your kid run around on someone's lawn and its rude. If it were my lawn, I'd turn the sprinklers on and soak all of you. Teach your kids manners and to behave in public. I expect good behavior all the time and they were taught from a young age.

No one wants to deal with kids like yours.

I'd buy ice cream for any kid who runs on your lawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parenting skills have failed you OP. I’m black and don’t feel this way at all. My husband is white though and raised my boys to fear him from before they could talk. I wasn’t raised like that but it really does work, as our kids never get stared at like yours and I almost never have to speak to my children about their behavior. If I do it’s something like do you want me to tell your father about this when we get home? That straightens them out pretty quickly, even though he at worst raises his voice. They haven’t been spanked or anything since they were about 3. It’s definitely a cultural or parenting issue and not a black issue because our kids are darker skinned.

OP here:
Your reading skills really missed the mark. As I already said, I’ve never witnessed my kids being scrutinized more than others. That’s precisely why I framed it as a fear—not a confirmed reality, but a concern I carry nonetheless. And I think that fear is legitimate, given how perception often works in this world.

My wife is actually far less concerned about this than I am. But that probably has something to do with how I grew up. As a Black male—unlike your husband—I don’t have the luxury of assuming that people will always judge my sons fairly. That’s where this comes from. But sure, keep missing the point.

I’m not missing the mark, You are concerned about the side eye, you stated people judge you for disciplining your kids in public. I’m black I don’t fear for my black children, I also don’t get any side eye because I don’t have to discipline them in public. This is a you problem, probably a result of your parenting skills.

Congrats on internalizing your racism so that your children fear your abuse more than racist strangers. Your parents must be so proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. We are POC and I limit my child too. If my child acts up, there are stares and a lot of judgement. It scares me.

Like the time I was trying to buckle my kid into the car seat. DC hated the car seat and was wailing and screaming bloody murder. An older white man aggressively approached my car and stood there next to my car while giving me an angry look. The look said “I’m watching you! Better not abuse your kid!” He just stood there, staring me down, the entire time I was desperately trying to buckle my kid into their seat. I was really scared he would call the cops on me.

Anyway, yes, I understand where you are coming from OP.

There should be stares if your kid acts up but it ain’t happening because he’s black. It’s happening because your kid is annoying AF. and some races definitely beat on their kids in Publix and others don’t, people should be watching out for it so they can cps you if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parenting skills have failed you OP. I’m black and don’t feel this way at all. My husband is white though and raised my boys to fear him from before they could talk. I wasn’t raised like that but it really does work, as our kids never get stared at like yours and I almost never have to speak to my children about their behavior. If I do it’s something like do you want me to tell your father about this when we get home? That straightens them out pretty quickly, even though he at worst raises his voice. They haven’t been spanked or anything since they were about 3. It’s definitely a cultural or parenting issue and not a black issue because our kids are darker skinned.

OP here:
Your reading skills really missed the mark. As I already said, I’ve never witnessed my kids being scrutinized more than others. That’s precisely why I framed it as a fear—not a confirmed reality, but a concern I carry nonetheless. And I think that fear is legitimate, given how perception often works in this world.

My wife is actually far less concerned about this than I am. But that probably has something to do with how I grew up. As a Black male—unlike your husband—I don’t have the luxury of assuming that people will always judge my sons fairly. That’s where this comes from. But sure, keep missing the point.

I’m not missing the mark, You are concerned about the side eye, you stated people judge you for disciplining your kids in public. I’m black I don’t fear for my black children, I also don’t get any side eye because I don’t have to discipline them in public. This is a you problem, probably a result of your parenting skills.

Congrats on internalizing your racism so that your children fear your abuse more than racist strangers. Your parents must be so proud.

Nobody is abusing my child, they behave because they were taught to behave. They are loved and respected AND they behave. I realize you ain’t used to black kids behaving but mine do cause they was raised by a white man.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. But i understand this is a way to protect your kids and help them stay safe. I'm not sure if this helps, but joy is also resistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parenting skills have failed you OP. I’m black and don’t feel this way at all. My husband is white though and raised my boys to fear him from before they could talk. I wasn’t raised like that but it really does work, as our kids never get stared at like yours and I almost never have to speak to my children about their behavior. If I do it’s something like do you want me to tell your father about this when we get home? That straightens them out pretty quickly, even though he at worst raises his voice. They haven’t been spanked or anything since they were about 3. It’s definitely a cultural or parenting issue and not a black issue because our kids are darker skinned.

OP here:
Your reading skills really missed the mark. As I already said, I’ve never witnessed my kids being scrutinized more than others. That’s precisely why I framed it as a fear—not a confirmed reality, but a concern I carry nonetheless. And I think that fear is legitimate, given how perception often works in this world.

My wife is actually far less concerned about this than I am. But that probably has something to do with how I grew up. As a Black male—unlike your husband—I don’t have the luxury of assuming that people will always judge my sons fairly. That’s where this comes from. But sure, keep missing the point.

I’m not missing the mark, You are concerned about the side eye, you stated people judge you for disciplining your kids in public. I’m black I don’t fear for my black children, I also don’t get any side eye because I don’t have to discipline them in public. This is a you problem, probably a result of your parenting skills.

Congrats on internalizing your racism so that your children fear your abuse more than racist strangers. Your parents must be so proud.

My parents are dead, but I’m very proud of myself and my beautiful family.

[Anonymous]

I am black. I have three black boys. My children are the rough and tough type and two of them have adhd. I teach them how to act when they are out and about due to them being a human being that is cohabitating with other human beings. I do not teach my children to act a certain way because they are black or because white people are around. People can and will find any reason to give me a side eye ( I mean, I do have a great ass The good thing is, I am in control of my emotions and how I react. I choose not to feel judged. I choose not to feel that it is based on my race or the race of my children.