Spouse Keeps List

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s keeping score

Yes, it must be a man because a woman would have her grievances memorized.

We don't need to write them down. Instant recall, baby!

And never lets them go.

[Anonymous]

I definitely read this question in an advice column. Dear Prudence maybe?

[Anonymous]

OP make copies of all
Financial records and passwords
He’s leaving

[Anonymous]

Ask to see his gratitude list. The problem with emails, etc is you don’t get the tone. With a list you don’t know if he writes it down to work on letting it go or if he keeps because you ask him for examples of when you did x so many times that he started the list. Confronting him when he hadn’t updated in likely months is likely not to be helpful. Reading his phone, unless you’ve given each other permission is likely to not be helpful. Maybe he created this list to see if you snoop. I think it is time for counseling for you and maybe as a pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I needed to get something off my spouse's phone and saw they had open a note with my name. Yes, I read it and not sure if I am happy I did or regret it. It was basically a list of all the things I have done over the years to make them upset or parts of my personality they do not like. Most I knew about as they have come up in arguments and I had my chance to give my perspective on what occurred and/or apologised. But it was shocking to see this list that contained such visceral reactions to situations. Of note, it seems my spouse will give pretty much anyone the benefit of the doubt except it seems me. What would you do?

My exW did this: during 2 years of marriage counseling, she kept digging up things I'd said during arguments 8 or 10 years before -- things i'd long since forgotten which were completely irrelevant to our present or future. But she kept that list and would never let it go... she wanted to and chose to be unforgiving about the rare heated exchanges we -- like most couples -- had over a 20 year marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce
He’s keeping score, resentful and not over past arguments & disagreements.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who keeps notes on things as such?

This sounds like something a woman would do, not a man.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal to compile lists like that. For sure it’s a sign of a relationship on the rocks. It’s a form of journaling and therapy as well as something to look at and analyze. It’s most likely used when the other person won’t discuss so the only alternative is to write for oneself.
Definitely the sign of someone who’s stuck in a marriage