Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

This is fascinating to me, because I've been reading this whole thread thinking "how often do you get calls from the school?" We've gotten one ever, I think, and our fourth grader has been in childcare since she was six weeks old. Communication is all through email or Remind, and usually goes to both of us. If she goes to the nurse we find out at the end of the day.

What OP proposes is an easy enough change to make and makes sense, but as a primary parent dad this has never come up for me.

[Anonymous]

Yeah our kids are younger so they're getting bumped in the head or scraping their knee etc. And before, it was that they were getting sick and needing to be picked up.

From the Dr's office, one of our kid has an unusual allergy that we've been working together to figure out, so that's been a lot of the calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

This is fascinating to me, because I've been reading this whole thread thinking "how often do you get calls from the school?" We've gotten one ever, I think, and our fourth grader has been in childcare since she was six weeks old. Communication is all through email or Remind, and usually goes to both of us. If she goes to the nurse we find out at the end of the day.

What OP proposes is an easy enough change to make and makes sense, but as a primary parent dad this has never come up for me.

In 9 years your kid never once got sick at school, hit their head at school, signed you up to bring something that the teacher wanted to check in about, did something (good or bad) that a teacher wanted to check in about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The solution here is to put your phone number for both parents. Moms do this all the time.

This doesn't fix the system. The problem is society's failure to recognize 2 engaged parents! Yes a child can have 2 panite.

parenting and therefore 2 parents to call. Go to the one designated first then the second. It's not hard.

Who cares about “the system”. You’re not changing that.

You want to fix your problem? This is the way.

You're dead wrong. We need to fix the unconscious bias. And by realizing some kids have 2 engaged parents it's a step in the right direction.

Knock yourself out doing it. I have better things to do with my time but by all means fight the system!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

Head bump calls are the worst. I don't care if my kid was hit in the head by a frisbee. I really don't. I have one kid who seemed to bump his head on everything for a few years. I know these are required but I could really do without these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

This is fascinating to me, because I've been reading this whole thread thinking "how often do you get calls from the school?" We've gotten one ever, I think, and our fourth grader has been in childcare since she was six weeks old. Communication is all through email or Remind, and usually goes to both of us. If she goes to the nurse we find out at the end of the day.

What OP proposes is an easy enough change to make and makes sense, but as a primary parent dad this has never come up for me.

In 9 years your kid never once got sick at school, hit their head at school, signed you up to bring something that the teacher wanted to check in about, did something (good or bad) that a teacher wanted to check in about?

I know she's gotten sick at school (like started running a fever, not thrown up), but no one called me. I assume she just sat at her desk, being feverish, and no one noticed and she didn't tell anyone. She's gone to the nurse a few times, but I only know that because she told me and never for hitting her head. I've never seen a situation where she could sign me up to bring anything in; that's always a form that goes to parents, not kids. Any communication from teachers about behavior or similar comes via email.

Genuinely, the one call we got was from the front office to ask if we accepted a position at a different school for their records.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a good idea but the way you talk about your wife is gross.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

This is fascinating to me, because I've been reading this whole thread thinking "how often do you get calls from the school?" We've gotten one ever, I think, and our fourth grader has been in childcare since she was six weeks old. Communication is all through email or Remind, and usually goes to both of us. If she goes to the nurse we find out at the end of the day.

What OP proposes is an easy enough change to make and makes sense, but as a primary parent dad this has never come up for me.

In 9 years your kid never once got sick at school, hit their head at school, signed you up to bring something that the teacher wanted to check in about, did something (good or bad) that a teacher wanted to check in about?

I know she's gotten sick at school (like started running a fever, not thrown up), but no one called me. I assume she just sat at her desk, being feverish, and no one noticed and she didn't tell anyone. She's gone to the nurse a few times, but I only know that because she told me and never for hitting her head. I've never seen a situation where she could sign me up to bring anything in; that's always a form that goes to parents, not kids. Any communication from teachers about behavior or similar comes via email.

Genuinely, the one call we got was from the front office to ask if we accepted a position at a different school for their records.

When you went to pick up your infant at daycare, and found her sick with a fever sitting at her desk, that didn't raise a red flag that you should have chosen the daycare more carefully?

I am baffled how a kid starts daycare at 6 weeks and never once gets sent home sick before Kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

This is fascinating to me, because I've been reading this whole thread thinking "how often do you get calls from the school?" We've gotten one ever, I think, and our fourth grader has been in childcare since she was six weeks old. Communication is all through email or Remind, and usually goes to both of us. If she goes to the nurse we find out at the end of the day.

What OP proposes is an easy enough change to make and makes sense, but as a primary parent dad this has never come up for me.

In 9 years your kid never once got sick at school, hit their head at school, signed you up to bring something that the teacher wanted to check in about, did something (good or bad) that a teacher wanted to check in about?

I know she's gotten sick at school (like started running a fever, not thrown up), but no one called me. I assume she just sat at her desk, being feverish, and no one noticed and she didn't tell anyone. She's gone to the nurse a few times, but I only know that because she told me and never for hitting her head. I've never seen a situation where she could sign me up to bring anything in; that's always a form that goes to parents, not kids. Any communication from teachers about behavior or similar comes via email.

Genuinely, the one call we got was from the front office to ask if we accepted a position at a different school for their records.

When you went to pick up your infant at daycare, and found her sick with a fever sitting at her desk, that didn't raise a red flag that you should have chosen the daycare more carefully?

I am baffled how a kid starts daycare at 6 weeks and never once gets sent home sick before Kindergarten.

Not everyone has kids in daycare braniac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

Head bump calls are the worst. I don't care if my kid was hit in the head by a frisbee. I really don't. I have one kid who seemed to bump his head on everything for a few years. I know these are required but I could really do without these.

Knee scrapes too. FFS stop calling me. Yes my child can have a bandaid.

Bloody nose also bugs me. My child can easily deal with it on their own, but has to sit in the nurses office until it stops (just to ensure they miss class time instruction). I do not want a phone call!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

This is fascinating to me, because I've been reading this whole thread thinking "how often do you get calls from the school?" We've gotten one ever, I think, and our fourth grader has been in childcare since she was six weeks old. Communication is all through email or Remind, and usually goes to both of us. If she goes to the nurse we find out at the end of the day.

What OP proposes is an easy enough change to make and makes sense, but as a primary parent dad this has never come up for me.

In 9 years your kid never once got sick at school, hit their head at school, signed you up to bring something that the teacher wanted to check in about, did something (good or bad) that a teacher wanted to check in about?

I know she's gotten sick at school (like started running a fever, not thrown up), but no one called me. I assume she just sat at her desk, being feverish, and no one noticed and she didn't tell anyone. She's gone to the nurse a few times, but I only know that because she told me and never for hitting her head. I've never seen a situation where she could sign me up to bring anything in; that's always a form that goes to parents, not kids. Any communication from teachers about behavior or similar comes via email.

Genuinely, the one call we got was from the front office to ask if we accepted a position at a different school for their records.

When you went to pick up your infant at daycare, and found her sick with a fever sitting at her desk, that didn't raise a red flag that you should have chosen the daycare more carefully?

I am baffled how a kid starts daycare at 6 weeks and never once gets sent home sick before Kindergarten.

The sickness is in her current elementary school; she never got sick during the day at daycare that I remember. She was sick plenty but it was first noticeable at home. You are free to be baffled by my life, but I'm not making it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

This is fascinating to me, because I've been reading this whole thread thinking "how often do you get calls from the school?" We've gotten one ever, I think, and our fourth grader has been in childcare since she was six weeks old. Communication is all through email or Remind, and usually goes to both of us. If she goes to the nurse we find out at the end of the day.

What OP proposes is an easy enough change to make and makes sense, but as a primary parent dad this has never come up for me.

In 9 years your kid never once got sick at school, hit their head at school, signed you up to bring something that the teacher wanted to check in about, did something (good or bad) that a teacher wanted to check in about?

I know she's gotten sick at school (like started running a fever, not thrown up), but no one called me. I assume she just sat at her desk, being feverish, and no one noticed and she didn't tell anyone. She's gone to the nurse a few times, but I only know that because she told me and never for hitting her head. I've never seen a situation where she could sign me up to bring anything in; that's always a form that goes to parents, not kids. Any communication from teachers about behavior or similar comes via email.

Genuinely, the one call we got was from the front office to ask if we accepted a position at a different school for their records.

When you went to pick up your infant at daycare, and found her sick with a fever sitting at her desk, that didn't raise a red flag that you should have chosen the daycare more carefully?

I am baffled how a kid starts daycare at 6 weeks and never once gets sent home sick before Kindergarten.

Not everyone has kids in daycare braniac.

Well that is certainly true, but I am responding to a PP who said their kids started at 6 weeks, and they didn't get a single phone call or text until elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

Head bump calls are the worst. I don't care if my kid was hit in the head by a frisbee. I really don't. I have one kid who seemed to bump his head on everything for a few years. I know these are required but I could really do without these.

Knee scrapes too. FFS stop calling me. Yes my child can have a bandaid.

Bloody nose also bugs me. My child can easily deal with it on their own, but has to sit in the nurses office until it stops (just to ensure they miss class time instruction). I do not want a phone call!!

PP/clinic tech and I hated making these calls, too. Worst was when I had to go thru a third party translator to assist in making the call only to get a VM that was full/not set up. I put in so much overtime!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL has an incredibly busy job. Her husband was the default parent. They had an email that was something like “Larla’sfamily@ “ that in reality dad was the one who read.

They also put Dad’s phone for both, and had a burner phone that they put as emergency contact, that got handed around so sometimes mom had it sometimes the nanny, or a grandparent.

It was absurd, but it worked.

They had a burner phone that acted as the nuclear football of sorts just because one parent wasn’t able to pick up the phone? How busy was this SIL? I’ve known a CEO of a fortune 250 company and US senators who take calls from their kids school.

[Anonymous]

"Accidentally" mix up the phone numbers so your number is listed under Mom's name.