Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have specifically told places "call dad during work hours" and after I (the mom) gave those instructions they did.

This.

I'm a mom and say the same. Some places follow my request no problem, other places hire stupid people who cannot read the note.

[Anonymous]

Most forms are electronic these days, there is no comment section. And I can't write in black marker to contact dad first since it's electronic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The solution here is to put your phone number for both parents. Moms do this all the time.

This doesn't fix the system. The problem is society's failure to recognize 2 engaged parents! Yes a child can have 2 panite.

parenting and therefore 2 parents to call. Go to the one designated first then the second. It's not hard.

Who cares about “the system”. You’re not changing that.

You want to fix your problem? This is the way.

You're dead wrong. We need to fix the unconscious bias. And by realizing some kids have 2 engaged parents it's a step in the right direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our Dr's office has this and we put my husband as the person to call first. They still call me first even though I can't have my phone on me for large portions of my work day. There needs to be an accompanying culture change that doesn't punish both moms and dads for working together to meet their kids' needs.

Next time they call give them an ear full. They won't make the mistake again, just to avoid you. I've had to do that after many failed attempts at being polite. Now they prefer to call DH, which was the goal.

On a side note - they probably put a note next to my number that I was "difficult". On this topic, I am.

[Anonymous]

My SIL has an incredibly busy job. Her husband was the default parent. They had an email that was something like “Larla’sfamily@ “ that in reality dad was the one who read.

They also put Dad’s phone for both, and had a burner phone that they put as emergency contact, that got handed around so sometimes mom had it sometimes the nanny, or a grandparent.

It was absurd, but it worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our Dr's office has this and we put my husband as the person to call first. They still call me first even though I can't have my phone on me for large portions of my work day. There needs to be an accompanying culture change that doesn't punish both moms and dads for working together to meet their kids' needs.

Next time they call give them an ear full. They won't make the mistake again, just to avoid you. I've had to do that after many failed attempts at being polite. Now they prefer to call DH, which was the goal.

On a side note - they probably put a note next to my number that I was "difficult". On this topic, I am.

Oh trust me, I did that during the early postpartum days after returning to work after having my second kid. Pretty sure I've been labelled 'difficult' too, but they still do it! The only place that get's it right is their daycare/preschool, which makes sense because they know both of us well over there.

[Anonymous]

Dad here. I don't give my wife's number. I put mine in twice.

I work from home and manage 90 percent of things. My wife is a surgeon and works crazy weird hours so we set up this system back in residency when the kids were small. Works incredibly well. Particularly if you are the person at the medical appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL has an incredibly busy job. Her husband was the default parent. They had an email that was something like “Larla’sfamily@ “ that in reality dad was the one who read.

They also put Dad’s phone for both, and had a burner phone that they put as emergency contact, that got handed around so sometimes mom had it sometimes the nanny, or a grandparent.

It was absurd, but it worked.

PP here. Also, do a family email. This is critical. No one's personal email should be used for kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL has an incredibly busy job. Her husband was the default parent. They had an email that was something like “Larla’sfamily@ “ that in reality dad was the one who read.

They also put Dad’s phone for both, and had a burner phone that they put as emergency contact, that got handed around so sometimes mom had it sometimes the nanny, or a grandparent.

It was absurd, but it worked.

PP here. Also, do a family email. This is critical. No one's personal email should be used for kid stuff.

Family email is key. Our family email auto forwards to both parents. It's like "[e-mail]"

[Anonymous]

I am the mom and do the classic mom roles. but for complicated reasons our phone numbers are switched so the system will call him with problems instead of mine, because they think he is "mom" My son knows what number to call (mine) but all forms should be changed to Parent 1 and Parent 2. Most moms do carry the mental load, but it is not true for all families, probably not even 75% at this point

[Anonymous]

For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t put her number or if it’s a paper form, write “call first” in big letters by your info.

You shouldn’t have to do this but sometimes it’s easier/better for you to just sidestep daily misogyny and not get bogged down.

It’s not misogyny when women call other women and bypass dad. The opposite actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For nurse aide tech in a local school system. I had to make so many calls home (sometimes 12+ a day) during the day as mandated by a strict protocol. Head bump calls were the worst - required to call home to advise a parent. A vm was sufficient. Just had to document that call home/vm was made. Protocol was any injury occurring during the school day involving head/neck/face/mouth = call parent. I mean the most minor injury had to be called, even if kid went back to class. So I made thousands of these calls in my career.

For head bump calls home I always selected Dad if possible - call me sexist but one of three things happened: I’d get his vm immediately and leave my message and never hear back, he’d answer and we’d have the briefest, most pleasant chat or he’d call AS I was leaving the message and again, brief chat for the win.

Once JUST ONCE, this went awry: I left Dad a vm, he listened and called me back, pleasant chat. Then he called his DW to loop her in and all hell broke loose: DW called me back to shout at me and advise that her DH was very important, very busy AND WAS NEVER TO BE DISTURBED AT WORK BECAUSE SHE IS A SAHM AND IN CHARGE OF DC. I transferred her to the registrar who listened to DW tirade and basically removed dad from contact list and added ALL CAP NOTES!

I continued to call dads first though.

In that kind of situation, you should ask the kid. The kids always know who to call.

— veteran teacher who commented up thread on not being able to see notes that parents write on forms.

[Anonymous]

Why are you people getting so many calls? 4 kids here, and I can think of only 3ish calls per kid over the years from school (this is their entire school career, not just per year)

Doctor is a different story. Just don't put your wife's number or email on the forms. I never listed my husband. He travels a lot and can not have a mobile phone in his office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you people getting so many calls? 4 kids here, and I can think of only 3ish calls per kid over the years from school (this is their entire school career, not just per year)

Doctor is a different story. Just don't put your wife's number or email on the forms. I never listed my husband. He travels a lot and can not have a mobile phone in his office.

If you are a FCPS parent, you may get tons of these calls from the clinic.