Over Achieving Cousins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The overachievers in our family have been taught to be humble around friends and family.

I hate that people have to dim their light for insecure people. I celebrate everyone's accomplishments no matter what they are. If you have no accomplishments you are still great.

[Anonymous]

There’s sharing and there’s bragging. There’s hogging the spotlight and never asking anybody else about themselves, and there’s taking your turn in a modest and proportional way, and then turning the spotlight onto somebody else. There is honest pride mixed with humility, and there is arrogance. There can also be jealousy versus genuine happiness and congratulatory feeling.

OP, can you give some examples of where things fall?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who brag are insecure. Truly talented people are usually very quiet about their ability and very down-to-earth.

That’s wishful thinking. Most people who brag are not insecure. Even more common are losers who interpret regular conversation as bragging. Get it together.

Found the bragging loser. If you’re not insecure, why do you brag?

[Anonymous]

My terrible student child is happy with his life. It doesn't occur to him to be jealous. He simply ignores any invitation to competition from his cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My terrible student child is happy with his life. It doesn't occur to him to be jealous. He simply ignores any invitation to competition from his cousin.

Are you jealous though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My terrible student child is happy with his life. It doesn't occur to him to be jealous. He simply ignores any invitation to competition from his cousin.

Are you jealous though?

No. I happen to know that the cousin has been in therapy since childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who brag are insecure. Truly talented people are usually very quiet about their ability and very down-to-earth.

That’s wishful thinking. Most people who brag are not insecure. Even more common are losers who interpret regular conversation as bragging. Get it together.

And we found the poster with no emotional intelligence or social skills!

[Anonymous]

How can one communicate about your kids to share with friends/acquaintances without it sounding braggy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With kindness. You sound envious. It's OK to be proud of your kids, not sure what part is the "bragging": if the kid has straight As and is getting recruited, it sounds like facts. Sounds like yours is an underachiever perhaps?

Ehh, the two overachieving chicks I knew turned into sluts in college.

I know many, many overachieving slutty chicks from ivy league undergrads who are still very overachieving and successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s sharing and there’s bragging. There’s hogging the spotlight and never asking anybody else about themselves, and there’s taking your turn in a modest and proportional way, and then turning the spotlight onto somebody else. There is honest pride mixed with humility, and there is arrogance. There can also be jealousy versus genuine happiness and congratulatory feeling.

OP, can you give some examples of where things fall?

This. Without more details, we can't tell what is actually going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With kindness. You sound envious. It's OK to be proud of your kids, not sure what part is the "bragging": if the kid has straight As and is getting recruited, it sounds like facts. Sounds like yours is an underachiever perhaps?

Ehh, the two overachieving chicks I knew turned into sluts in college.

You clearly were the bitter underachiever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Compared to your kids.

Say your kid is a solid B student, non athlete, but pretty great kid all around and their cousin is a straight A /500 scholar getting recruited by several D1 schools.

How do you handle the constant bragging?

My cousins are super high achievers, and I know my mother was irritated hearing about them, but she just let it slide... they're actually great people, and I love having them as family members, and their mother is a wonderful person. They just have all done very well in life.

And, for the record, I did quite well growing up—I just wasn't as high as them—and I've grown up to be a happy high-achieving person, who still feels lucky he has such cool and accomplished people in his life.

They were high-achieving because they're smart, talented and interesting people... if you focus on that, rather than the fact they have something you don't, it's a lot better. Also, if you realize that you're not a garbage bin, and you've done your own achieving, life is much happier.