Unsupportive sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was pretty confusing - are you talking about siblings attending each other's sports games or recitals? Or a family event?

Some family events should be required and there should be a set time and everyone should go.

I don't think forcing your kids to attend each other's "events" will make them supportive - it will just be forced.

There are ways, but forcing isn't one of them.

My kids (who are different in personality and interests) do support each other --- I didn't force them to attend everything, but they did attend important events (finals, graduations, etc) and of course we still have required family events even though they are in their 20s.

It wasn’t attending an event, it was going to a place to have fun. It was selfish of her not to consider her sister’s feelings. She could have slept in the car even though it was already noon. I can understand not going everywhere with her sister but she should have been able to understand that her sister didn’t want to play alone.

It sounds like it didn’t sound fun for your older daughter so she avoided it. Did she have any input into planning it? If you want something fun for both girls they may need to decide what it is together

Seriously. She wasn't actually tired. She just didn't want to go.

Explore that op.

Why not engage her in things she enjoys which at this age will likely always involve her peers not her sibling.

Your younger child should spend time with her own friends. Family events should occur but don't expect your teen to enjoy it and definitely don't use her to entertain her sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the responses.
Maybe I’m the only one who parents like this, but if all along the plan and expectation was that my kids get up at 10 and we go somewhere as a family, that’s what we would have done. I would not have given an option to sleep in or not attend.

If the op had said “both kids were excited about this excursion and then older dd backed out” then I would be with you. But my sense was that only younger DD wanted to go and older dd was being dragged along for the benefit of younger dd. Like a pp said, this wasn’t a play or a concert—yes that’s a place to make a sibling attend to “support” their sibling, but an excursion? Not the same. My kids are 17 and 15 and they definitely don’t spend as much time together as they used to and yes they’ve changed their preferences. It’s ok to change, it’s GOOD for them to change. Your teen isn’t the same as when they were 9 years old—this is how growth and maturity work, and no it doesn’t immediately come with automatic compliance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the responses.
Maybe I’m the only one who parents like this, but if all along the plan and expectation was that my kids get up at 10 and we go somewhere as a family, that’s what we would have done. I would not have given an option to sleep in or not attend.

If the op had said “both kids were excited about this excursion and then older dd backed out” then I would be with you. But my sense was that only younger DD wanted to go and older dd was being dragged along for the benefit of younger dd. Like a pp said, this wasn’t a play or a concert—yes that’s a place to make a sibling attend to “support” their sibling, but an excursion? Not the same. My kids are 17 and 15 and they definitely don’t spend as much time together as they used to and yes they’ve changed their preferences. It’s ok to change, it’s GOOD for them to change. Your teen isn’t the same as when they were 9 years old—this is how growth and maturity work, and no it doesn’t immediately come with automatic compliance.

None of that means that it is ok to sandbag and sabotage everyone else's plans.

[Anonymous]

Hell no would this be remotely okay. It meant something to younger DD to have big sis with her- full stop. That was the plan. It's family time. You don't get to use up all of your battery stores on your friends and leave your family with nothing.
I can see my older kid in bed and whining, but the moment she was supposed to be up, I would be as firm as I needed to be to let her know she is getting ready now, coming, and have a great attitude. If not, the phone is gone.