Tall women give me advise on how to boost the confidence of my tall baby girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m tall. I didn’t date in middle school, but men have LOVED dating me in adulthood. Especially men who minded that they were just under 6’. They knew our potential babies would be over that ( unfair) benchmark. Society is really, really rough on men’s height.

I’d see what you can to do to take away all social media. I’m sure that’s a huge factor. Also, once she’s done growing, have a few things tailored. There are stores in Etsy that will take your measurements and make a custom dress or whatever. She’ll feel more confident if her clothes look the way everyone else’s do. I recently bought a custom linen Tshirt, and it’s long enough, which is hard to find right now.

At age 17? exactely how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 53 years old and am 5'11". I love my height, but I admit that I had several things that went in my favor:
- I never had a big growth spurt, so I wasn't taller than all of the boys in middle school and High school. I just grew slowly and steadily through age 19.
- I have a very slender build, and I have maintained that slender build throughout the years. The world likes tall, slender women (and is sometimes very hard on tall, overweight women).

I would suggest a few things for your daughter:
- She needs to know her exact height. Is she 5'11" or 6'1" or in between. It isn't hard... stand up straight against a wall, ruler on head, mark spot, and use a measuring tape. Remeasure in several spots until you come to consensus. I have had so many men over the years come up and say something slightly critical like "wow, you're too tall, you must be over 6'4 because I'm 6'1"." I knew my exact height so I could smile and say "nope, I'm only 5'11"" and feel very confident that I had the upper hand. It seems like such a minor thing, but I guarantee that it will make her feel better to know.
- Does she have any interest in playing sports. If so, that is a huge, huge confidence booster. Plus, it's a great way to meet people who value height, which will be helpful to her mindset.

Good luck to her.

Wow this happens so much from insecure men who have lied about their height their whole lives. I feel seen. Some men will insist too. Insane.

More than non-talll overweight women?

[Anonymous]

One practical hint: tell her that when people comment on her height, it's a complement. That is usually true and I didn't realize that until later in life, until which time it seemed like they were pointing out an obvious statement to me.

[Anonymous]

My 15yr old DD is 5'11 but plays basketball so she loves her height.

[Anonymous]

Michelle Obama is about that height.

I am only 5 feet 8. It was hard in elementary and Junior high but a non issue since.

Re the big feet that go along with height. That bothered me at kids’ bowling parties..the shoes with size emblazoned on the back. The internet has been the best thing to happen for those of us with size 11 feet.

[Anonymous]

I’m 5’10 and I hated towering over everyone as a teenager. I was so self conscious of it. I was very thin but I also felt like an overweight giant next to short petite friends.

There really isn’t much you can do. Eventually she’ll feel ok with her height but as a teenager it really is awkward to stand out from your peers so much. Just validate her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 5’10 and I hated towering over everyone as a teenager. I was so self conscious of it. I was very thin but I also felt like an overweight giant next to short petite friends.

There really isn’t much you can do. Eventually she’ll feel ok with her height but as a teenager it really is awkward to stand out from your peers so much. Just validate her feelings.

I am 5’11 and so sick of this topic of conversation. Of my mother worrying about my height growing up, about having to wear flats at my wedding, worrying about being “too intimidating” in meetings or “ not feminine enough” for insecure men. Of finding pants and sleeves that fit. Of people saying “I wish I were your height” or “take it as a compliment” when you just want to melt into the wallpaper. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to tell her the truth - she is beautiful and tall and maybe tomboyish or maybe feminine and or all of the above and tall. If she learns early on to make it a non issue she will be better off because it is ALWAYS present and does indeed make her different. But everyone has their cross to bear and comparatively speaking it could be way worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not your baby girl you can start by treating her like an adult.

This. Stop coddling her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of convincing her about her height, I'd emphasize what a waste of time it is to wish things were different about something we can not change. Like wishing for a different eye color, or smaller feet. You can't stop the thought, but you shouldn't focus on entertaining it. You focus on accepting it and spending your time on more productive things. Does she want to waste her life wishing she was shorter? It will not change.

So. Help her start to focus on becoming who she wants, without changing her height. It is very hard. Teenage years are rough when you don't physically fit in. But life is long and the sooner she makes her peace with her height, the happier her long life will be.

This. I would be more matter of fact about this and avoid indulging much hand wringing about it. She's tall and there's nothing that can be done about it. What's more, being tall is not a disability, so she may not like it, but her tallness doesn't merit much sympathy. So she can spend her time whining about something silly that she can't change, or she can spend her time doing something more productive. And I would put it just about that plainly to her.

In my experience, spending a lot of time talking about these things, trying to convince a kid that they are wrong, just makes them obsess more.

Jesus. Start mentally preparing for your adult kids to go no contact someday.

[Anonymous]

I hit a growth spurt in middle school and towered over my boyfriends. I was never self-conscious because people would always tell me I looked like a model. Sports helped, I played volleyball and basketball so all of my friends were tall too. And then in college, the dating pool was bigger and I could find tall men (if that’s important to you). It’s also easier to hide weight gain, and many clothing brands these days have a tall section.

TBH, the only downside of being tall is my arm length - I have a horrible time finding coats that are long enough. But that’s one small problem that I’ve accepted.

[Anonymous]

If she is fit/strong, get her in a rowing club asap. Watch her get a huge scholarship next year, or a beeline to an Ivy. Women’s rowing is a serious ticket. Only those 5’10”+ need apply. 😉

I was flat out told by men that my tall, lean genes were very appealing to pass along. I found this odd as a young woman, but I now understand how sensitive men can be about height. I never limited my dating to exclusively tall guys. The girls today are a little odd to limit themselves so much.

Attitude can really determine outcome on this topic. I hope she learns to love herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 5’10 and I hated towering over everyone as a teenager. I was so self conscious of it. I was very thin but I also felt like an overweight giant next to short petite friends.

There really isn’t much you can do. Eventually she’ll feel ok with her height but as a teenager it really is awkward to stand out from your peers so much. Just validate her feelings.

I am 5’11 and so sick of this topic of conversation. Of my mother worrying about my height growing up, about having to wear flats at my wedding, worrying about being “too intimidating” in meetings or “ not feminine enough” for insecure men. Of finding pants and sleeves that fit. Of people saying “I wish I were your height” or “take it as a compliment” when you just want to melt into the wallpaper. The best thing you can do for your daughter is to tell her the truth - she is beautiful and tall and maybe tomboyish or maybe feminine and or all of the above and tall. If she learns early on to make it a non issue she will be better off because it is ALWAYS present and does indeed make her different. But everyone has their cross to bear and comparatively speaking it could be way worse.

Disagree that being tall is a cross to bear. Get out of high school and enjoy! Signed- > 6’ and yes wear high heels!

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 5’9” and is so short as a volleyball player. She’d be so jealous! I know that’s not an answer for your daughter.

Honestly I am a little concerned that at 17 she is still so affected by the tiktok nonsense. My girls were more affected by that at 12-14 but by that point in HS had realized that SM is a lot of BS designed to make you feel bad. I’m not sure what the solution is, but I think the answer lies in helping her realize that TikTok is filled with terrible people whose goal is to tear down women and distract them from the things that really matter in life. The algorithm is feeding this to trap her into self-doubt so she becomes shackled to the app.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 17 and 5”11. Already had couple of boyfriends. One very tall. One barely taller than her and he loved it. She looks amazing. She loves being tall. And tbh I think her friends are secretly envious of her height.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of convincing her about her height, I'd emphasize what a waste of time it is to wish things were different about something we can not change. Like wishing for a different eye color, or smaller feet. You can't stop the thought, but you shouldn't focus on entertaining it. You focus on accepting it and spending your time on more productive things. Does she want to waste her life wishing she was shorter? It will not change.

So. Help her start to focus on becoming who she wants, without changing her height. It is very hard. Teenage years are rough when you don't physically fit in. But life is long and the sooner she makes her peace with her height, the happier her long life will be.

This. I would be more matter of fact about this and avoid indulging much hand wringing about it. She's tall and there's nothing that can be done about it. What's more, being tall is not a disability, so she may not like it, but her tallness doesn't merit much sympathy. So she can spend her time whining about something silly that she can't change, or she can spend her time doing something more productive. And I would put it just about that plainly to her.

In my experience, spending a lot of time talking about these things, trying to convince a kid that they are wrong, just makes them obsess more.

Jesus. Start mentally preparing for your adult kids to go no contact someday.

My kids are 23 and 27 and I have good relationships with both. ~shrug~