gut check -- age to go to park alone with friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Came here to say, I can't believe the number of people recommending smart watches for kids. The kid is going to be way safer at the park then what they can get into on their smart watch. I am more afraid of a smart watch then I am this park.

My fear is the first thing a kidnapper would do is rip the smartwatch off the kid’s wrist and throw it in the bushes. Either the kid is ready to be independent or not, but smart watches shouldn’t be used in place of adult supervision.

Smart watches are great for "hey mom Larlo showed up at the park and he invited us back to his house, is that okay?" or for me to call and tell them I'm going to the grocery store and do they want me to get anything that isn't on the list. But stuff like the gabb watch doesn't let them get online. (I am also a very anti-tech-for-kids parent.)

I agree they are good for those things. But the number one reason I require my 10 year old to wear her smart watch when she goes to the park with friends, or bike riding with friends, etc., is that if someone falls/gets hurt -- which unlike kidnapping does actually happen every now and then -- she can then get in contact with an adult to help.

She could also run to a neighbor or back to your house! But yes, it's also helpful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom let me and two friends go to the park a block from my house alone in third grade when they were over at my house playing. The other moms called and gently explained to my mom that was not a good idea and please to not let us go there alone. We were new in town, from a rural area where kids would roam around in woods all day on their own. The urban moms weren't cool with that.

That's bizarre, are you like 20? We played outside all day long without parental supervision. Gen X is the best gen! <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really curious what you all are imagining might happen to your eight-year-old on her way to/from the park or while she was there. I don't mean this to sound snide -- is she not good at looking both ways when crossing the street? takes dumb risks at the playground? can't be trusted to stay where she's supposed to be? Help me understand the threat model.

Kids get injured at playgrounds all the time. An 8 year companion may not know to get help, may be embarrassed or ashamed if they caused the injury, just freak out. My 8 year DS is waiting for his letter from Hogworths — they are not yet rational beings. Many kids this age take to jumping from roots to see if they can fly, etc.

Maybe if they both have phones and know how to use them — before there would have been a nearby pay phone to call 911. Now it’s BYOP. But the limits of rational thought should give you pause. And the crime of opportunity by a passing predator — its uncommon to see 8 year olds unattended and if they make a regular occurrence that may attract unwanted attention

+1 I agree she’s too young in my opinion. I’m the mom who walked my 8 year old to school in 3rd when the other moms didn’t. Guess what? I saved one kid from multiple cars backing out driveways, another who had an unleashed dog coming toward him, a girl who fell off her bike on the ride to school and was just sitting sobbing with a bloody knee on the sidewalk. None had phones or watches. They are ok most of the time when everything goes according to plan but they can’t foresee danger appropriately and also can’t react to injuries in a lot of cases at that age. There is a big developmental leap difference between an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

What do you think would have happened if you hadn't been there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been wondering lately if it's weird to worry about kidnapping by a stranger, or if that was a thing that was heightened for us GenX kids. Obviously I know it happens, but I don't know the actual stats and if it should be an outsized worry.

There are ballpark 100 stranger abductions of Americans under 18 annually, out of ballpark 75 million Americans under 18. Of those 100, about 2/3 are teenaged girls who are sexually assaulted. It is exceptionally unlikely for an elementary schooler to be kidnapped by a stranger.

https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/sites/g/files/xyckuh176/files/pubs/249249.pdf
https://letgrow.org/crime-statistics/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really curious what you all are imagining might happen to your eight-year-old on her way to/from the park or while she was there. I don't mean this to sound snide -- is she not good at looking both ways when crossing the street? takes dumb risks at the playground? can't be trusted to stay where she's supposed to be? Help me understand the threat model.

Kids get injured at playgrounds all the time. An 8 year companion may not know to get help, may be embarrassed or ashamed if they caused the injury, just freak out. My 8 year DS is waiting for his letter from Hogworths — they are not yet rational beings. Many kids this age take to jumping from roots to see if they can fly, etc.

Maybe if they both have phones and know how to use them — before there would have been a nearby pay phone to call 911. Now it’s BYOP. But the limits of rational thought should give you pause. And the crime of opportunity by a passing predator — its uncommon to see 8 year olds unattended and if they make a regular occurrence that may attract unwanted attention

+1 I agree she’s too young in my opinion. I’m the mom who walked my 8 year old to school in 3rd when the other moms didn’t. Guess what? I saved one kid from multiple cars backing out driveways, another who had an unleashed dog coming toward him, a girl who fell off her bike on the ride to school and was just sitting sobbing with a bloody knee on the sidewalk. None had phones or watches. They are ok most of the time when everything goes according to plan but they can’t foresee danger appropriately and also can’t react to injuries in a lot of cases at that age. There is a big developmental leap difference between an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

What do you think would have happened if you hadn't been there?

I mean maybe kid A would have been hit by a car? He was short. Things happen. Maybe kid B would have been bitten or knocked over by the dog. I guess kid C would have slowly hobbled to school late with dripping blood, left bike on random street that she didn’t know the name of for parent to look for later. It had not occurred to her at the time that she should visit the school nurse so maybe she’d get it cleaned off, maybe not. All were terrified and grateful to receive adult help for situations they were not old enough to handle based on how they were handling.

I guess my point is that if you think your 8 year old could actually handle these things without relying on bystanders then fine. But I think it’s neglectful to expect other adults to do the adulting in common foreseeable situations when you are choosing not to supervise your own young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom let me and two friends go to the park a block from my house alone in third grade when they were over at my house playing. The other moms called and gently explained to my mom that was not a good idea and please to not let us go there alone. We were new in town, from a rural area where kids would roam around in woods all day on their own. The urban moms weren't cool with that.

I have an 8yo. If I sent my child over to a house and the parents let them walk to a park alone, I would be upset. At 10, maybe ok.

I have teenagers and there are parents who don’t feel comfortable with middle school students being dropped off to get ice cream alone. DS had a friend over and wanted to go to ice cream. Friend’s parent was uncomfortable with kid being out alone without parents.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8 year old daughter, live 2 blocks away from a park/playground, generally safe area…no, I wouldn’t let her go alone yet. My 10 year old does go to that park alone/with friends but no adults all the time but didn’t start doing so til summer after 3rd grade when i felt he was mature and responsible enough. My 8 year old is a very cautious and responsible kid so maybe we’ll let her go alone soon. My main concern is cars on the way to/from the park—I frequently see cars not stopping at stop signs, backing too fast out of driveways, speeding, etc and think it would be easy for them not to see kids who are small and harder to see. But also there are occasional “incidents” at the park—last week my daughter fell at that playground and hit her head really hard and needed help. It wouldn’t have been good if she had been there alone or just w friends. Another time someone’s off leash dog ran through the park chasing kids and my daughter was terrified. Things like that are more likely than a kidnapping or encounter w child predator but I do also worry about that as well…unlikely yes but possible also yes. People who are wanting to harm kids do tend to seek out places kids are likely to be such as playgrounds and an unsupervised kid is more of a target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really curious what you all are imagining might happen to your eight-year-old on her way to/from the park or while she was there. I don't mean this to sound snide -- is she not good at looking both ways when crossing the street? takes dumb risks at the playground? can't be trusted to stay where she's supposed to be? Help me understand the threat model.

OP here. My particular concern is stranger danger, which yes I know is actually rare. But as I said in the initial post, this park is sort of isolated / off the beaten path and often empty. It's also a cut through from a metro station, and we have (although rarely) had an occasional odd person wandering through the neighborhood that gets your radar up. That's the background that's leading to uncertainty. As I said, she plays unsupervised plenty, and if the park were teeming with school aged kids and families I'd be fine with it. There are other places I'd also be concerned to let her go alone due to crossing certain roads because people drive like maniacs around here.

I think the real question is when you and your kid are prepared to tell them the things that will actually help vis a vis “stranger danger”. Like:

-Trust your gut, if someone is acting in a way that makes you feel weird, get away and choose another adult to ask for help (ideally a woman with children).
-There are people who are abnormally obsessed with kids; they are dangerous and if you encounter someone who gives you special attention who you do not know, get away.
-Adults never need the help of kids.
-No matter what, I will never get angry with you if you follow these rules and I will back you up; there will never be punishment for trusting your gut.
-If followed in a car, turn and run the other way, leaving bike/scooter/backpack behind if needed.

And practicing that street crossing, and a sandboxed watch that you practice using.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. I know the odds are low, but it’s one of those things where if it does happen, the consequences are devastating.

A smart watch doesn’t really offer any protection. My DD8 has a smart watch, and it’s very loud so a kidnapper would immediately be alerted she called me and could rip it off and toss it. There is a way to send a panic message, which is a text to both you and 911, but I don’t trust a child would be able to do that in a panicked situation.

I did go to parks alone at that age, but people forget it was a different time where everybody knew everyone in the neighborhood and there was always a mom at home who could watch from the kitchen window. I also think one of the reasons kidnappings are so low is because we don’t allow young kids to be out alone much; if everybody did it, kidnappings would go up.