gut check -- age to go to park alone with friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Came here to say, I can't believe the number of people recommending smart watches for kids. The kid is going to be way safer at the park then what they can get into on their smart watch. I am more afraid of a smart watch then I am this park.

My fear is the first thing a kidnapper would do is rip the smartwatch off the kid’s wrist and throw it in the bushes. Either the kid is ready to be independent or not, but smart watches shouldn’t be used in place of adult supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried about them getting kidnapped.

They're probably more likely to get struck by lightning.

That's just my biggest fear so that's what I immediately thought of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least age 10. I thought VA guidelines stated children should be at least 9 years old before staying home alone for 90 minutes during the day. 8 year olds should still have adult supervision

Don’t know what guidelines you mean, but I doubt it. Md has an actual law that says 8 to stay home or on a car alone, but it doesn’t prohibit walking to a park.

I think thee is more danger from overprotection in this instance. I think it’s fine so long as they stay together and both are reasonable rule followers.

I disagree that not letting an 8 yo wonder around alone is dangerously overprotective. Kids can be fine gaining independence at 10 or 12 instead. This will not matter in the long term.

[Anonymous]

My almost 8 year old is starting to bike the neighborhood independently and goes to the park with her friends. No trackers.

We live in a suburb in MA. I’ve had some good conversations with other parents who feel the same way.

So far none of her range includes crossing busy roads. That is my largest concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really curious what you all are imagining might happen to your eight-year-old on her way to/from the park or while she was there. I don't mean this to sound snide -- is she not good at looking both ways when crossing the street? takes dumb risks at the playground? can't be trusted to stay where she's supposed to be? Help me understand the threat model.

OP here. My particular concern is stranger danger, which yes I know is actually rare. But as I said in the initial post, this park is sort of isolated / off the beaten path and often empty. It's also a cut through from a metro station, and we have (although rarely) had an occasional odd person wandering through the neighborhood that gets your radar up. That's the background that's leading to uncertainty. As I said, she plays unsupervised plenty, and if the park were teeming with school aged kids and families I'd be fine with it. There are other places I'd also be concerned to let her go alone due to crossing certain roads because people drive like maniacs around here.

PP. I think it's vanishingly unlikely that an odd person at the park would be an actual threat, but I agree that it would be weird and uncomfortable and if it's in an isolated location it would give me pause too. The parks that are walking distance from my house are either relatively busy or directly across the street from houses/next to a pretty well-frequented sidewalk, so there's not that "all alone with a weird adult" vibe. That said, if it were my kid and she really wanted to go do this, I'd have a talk about how sometimes grownups who are not well end up at that park and if there's a stranger there I'd like them to come home.

We also have a dumbphone that I send with kids in circumstances like this, mostly because I want to be able to call them to come home when I need them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Came here to say, I can't believe the number of people recommending smart watches for kids. The kid is going to be way safer at the park then what they can get into on their smart watch. I am more afraid of a smart watch then I am this park.

My fear is the first thing a kidnapper would do is rip the smartwatch off the kid’s wrist and throw it in the bushes. Either the kid is ready to be independent or not, but smart watches shouldn’t be used in place of adult supervision.

Smart watches are great for "hey mom Larlo showed up at the park and he invited us back to his house, is that okay?" or for me to call and tell them I'm going to the grocery store and do they want me to get anything that isn't on the list. But stuff like the gabb watch doesn't let them get online. (I am also a very anti-tech-for-kids parent.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Came here to say, I can't believe the number of people recommending smart watches for kids. The kid is going to be way safer at the park then what they can get into on their smart watch. I am more afraid of a smart watch then I am this park.

My fear is the first thing a kidnapper would do is rip the smartwatch off the kid’s wrist and throw it in the bushes. Either the kid is ready to be independent or not, but smart watches shouldn’t be used in place of adult supervision.

Smart watches are great for "hey mom Larlo showed up at the park and he invited us back to his house, is that okay?" or for me to call and tell them I'm going to the grocery store and do they want me to get anything that isn't on the list. But stuff like the gabb watch doesn't let them get online. (I am also a very anti-tech-for-kids parent.)

I agree they are good for those things. But the number one reason I require my 10 year old to wear her smart watch when she goes to the park with friends, or bike riding with friends, etc., is that if someone falls/gets hurt -- which unlike kidnapping does actually happen every now and then -- she can then get in contact with an adult to help.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the neighborhood so it is hard to say. I have friends who live in communities with a playground and that would be fine. If if were a public park, I don’t think I would be ok with it.

I have an 8yo and don’t live in one of those neighborhoods with a HOA playground. At our actual school, there are kids who walk home and there is a park and library. I know kids hang out there.

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old daughter's school is 3 blocks from a park and 4 blocks from our house. (We are in DC) The school allows for 4th graders to walk home on their own in 4th grade, so we strapped my ancient apple watch on her and let her go.

So far it's been really nice. She loves meeting her friends, we give her a time to come home, and now she is bringing friends over for play dates with a few friends too. We are also having her practice going to the corner store on her own. I feel pretty good about local exploration at this level at this age.

[Anonymous]

I have been wondering lately if it's weird to worry about kidnapping by a stranger, or if that was a thing that was heightened for us GenX kids. Obviously I know it happens, but I don't know the actual stats and if it should be an outsized worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really curious what you all are imagining might happen to your eight-year-old on her way to/from the park or while she was there. I don't mean this to sound snide -- is she not good at looking both ways when crossing the street? takes dumb risks at the playground? can't be trusted to stay where she's supposed to be? Help me understand the threat model.

Kids get injured at playgrounds all the time. An 8 year companion may not know to get help, may be embarrassed or ashamed if they caused the injury, just freak out. My 8 year DS is waiting for his letter from Hogworths — they are not yet rational beings. Many kids this age take to jumping from roots to see if they can fly, etc.

Maybe if they both have phones and know how to use them — before there would have been a nearby pay phone to call 911. Now it’s BYOP. But the limits of rational thought should give you pause. And the crime of opportunity by a passing predator — its uncommon to see 8 year olds unattended and if they make a regular occurrence that may attract unwanted attention

+1 I agree she’s too young in my opinion. I’m the mom who walked my 8 year old to school in 3rd when the other moms didn’t. Guess what? I saved one kid from multiple cars backing out driveways, another who had an unleashed dog coming toward him, a girl who fell off her bike on the ride to school and was just sitting sobbing with a bloody knee on the sidewalk. None had phones or watches. They are ok most of the time when everything goes according to plan but they can’t foresee danger appropriately and also can’t react to injuries in a lot of cases at that age. There is a big developmental leap difference between an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really curious what you all are imagining might happen to your eight-year-old on her way to/from the park or while she was there. I don't mean this to sound snide -- is she not good at looking both ways when crossing the street? takes dumb risks at the playground? can't be trusted to stay where she's supposed to be? Help me understand the threat model.

Kids get injured at playgrounds all the time. An 8 year companion may not know to get help, may be embarrassed or ashamed if they caused the injury, just freak out. My 8 year DS is waiting for his letter from Hogworths — they are not yet rational beings. Many kids this age take to jumping from roots to see if they can fly, etc.

Maybe if they both have phones and know how to use them — before there would have been a nearby pay phone to call 911. Now it’s BYOP. But the limits of rational thought should give you pause. And the crime of opportunity by a passing predator — its uncommon to see 8 year olds unattended and if they make a regular occurrence that may attract unwanted attention

+1 I agree she’s too young in my opinion. I’m the mom who walked my 8 year old to school in 3rd when the other moms didn’t. Guess what? I saved one kid from multiple cars backing out driveways, another who had an unleashed dog coming toward him, a girl who fell off her bike on the ride to school and was just sitting sobbing with a bloody knee on the sidewalk. None had phones or watches. They are ok most of the time when everything goes according to plan but they can’t foresee danger appropriately and also can’t react to injuries in a lot of cases at that age. There is a big developmental leap difference between an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

+2. We started allowing outings to parks and similar without an adult at age 10/4th grade (with friends and smartwatch on). My fear was never kidnapping, strangers, etc. It was their ability to handle situations like you described above. My DD was at the park last summer and one girl got stung by a bee and immediately started having an allergic reaction... stuff like that...

[Anonymous]

My mom let me and two friends go to the park a block from my house alone in third grade when they were over at my house playing. The other moms called and gently explained to my mom that was not a good idea and please to not let us go there alone. We were new in town, from a rural area where kids would roam around in woods all day on their own. The urban moms weren't cool with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old daughter's school is 3 blocks from a park and 4 blocks from our house. (We are in DC) The school allows for 4th graders to walk home on their own in 4th grade, so we strapped my ancient apple watch on her and let her go.

So far it's been really nice. She loves meeting her friends, we give her a time to come home, and now she is bringing friends over for play dates with a few friends too. We are also having her practice going to the corner store on her own. I feel pretty good about local exploration at this level at this age.

Fourth graders are aged nine and ten. OP's daughter is 8, which is either 2nd or 3rd grade at this point in the school year.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with my 8 year old doing that, HOWEVER I would be worried some psycho busy body would call the cops on me for child neglect. I know someone that happened to, so I would not let my kids go to the park alone until they were 12 and had smart watches. They understood it was not about them or strictness, but about other people being jerks.