Brother and SIL - What to do

[Anonymous]

is he/are they drinkers and you not by any small chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry if this is long I am giving the shortened version: My brother is my only family. He and I who are close in age used to be very close until he got married and moved. He moved back for a few years with his wife. Any time we tried to get together she always would "get sick" and not be able to come and my brother wouldn't come. She is very possessive of my brother and now of her college aged son's. She likes male attention and is cold to me, but lavishes attention on my husband. We haven't seen them in years because she prefers to visit his single friends.



Last year my brother said they were coming to visit us at the beach where we have a house (they were renting a place). They invited one of his single guys friends to come for 2 days of their 3 day trip. We saw them for a quick dinner, they invited us to meet them for dinner the next night. My SIL never talks to me unless it is to correct something I say. The next day I called to check in on the time and they reported they had just gotten lunch at the place they had invited us. The next day my brother invited us to meet them for dinner and said his group was in the shower and would update me with a time. I didn't hear anything for 1.5 hours, my kids were starving so I called him. He said he forgot about us and that they were just about to be seated at the restaurant and couldn't ask to change the table size. I had offered every day for them to see us on the beach and they never came. My feelings were really hurt by the whole visit. He seemed to have no real interest in seeing us and his kids who are older than mine by 4 years completely ignored my kids who had been so excited to see their older cousins.

Flash forward a year and my brother told me they are coming again this year and want to see us. How do I handle this? I always end up feeling terrible after every interaction because of the digs thrown my way or if SIL invites someone she will completely ignore me.

Forgot about you??

Rather showed where things really stand for him every time he will have to make that choice. And how he’d handle them. Very immature and willing to disregard your feelings and your family.

I’d just respond with smth like “yeah, it’d be good to catch up if it works out”. Do not expect anything and do not alter things for your family for him. Just enjoy your family.

[Anonymous]

Just say yes and let him reach out. If he doesn’t then you have your answer. Don’t waste your energy on people who don’t care for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not SIL fault. Say, great, text us when you are there and available to see us. Say nothing to the kids and don't plan to see them.

I will do this but I will tell my brother to join you for hangouts by the ocean but not for restaurant meals.

[Anonymous]

done! Next ?!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he only mentions it once a year because he feels guilty, but doesn’t really want to see you.

[Anonymous]

Its fine to meet once or twice if vacationing in the same area but do your own thing otherwise, no need to do everything together if others aren't on board. If his wife and you doesn't get along and kids aren't friends, let them enjoy their vacation and you enjoy yours.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP's intentions are good but likely behavior doesn't represent it to her SIL. There was no need to mention SIL craving male attention. May be she doesn't want to join because then you'll be upset she is talking to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say it won't work out. Have him enjoy his own beach vacation and you enjoy yours.

This.