Brother and SIL - What to do

[Anonymous]

If my brother or sister had pulled a stunt of inviting my family out to eat, said he’d call right back, then went to the restaurant without us and hours later claim he was getting seated and couldn’t change the table because he “forgot about us” I would blow a fuse. That is so unbelievably rude.

Your brother is rude. Your SIL may also suck but your brother is absolutely awful. I would tell my siblings this (I am mad at you, what you did was awful, I don’t treat people like this and will not allow people to treat me like this either). SAY SOMETHING.

[Anonymous]

OP: You might be the needy and controlling one. Have you ever been called controlling before? Or micro manager? Or “good at executive control .”

[Anonymous]

"Flash forward a year and my brother told me they are coming again this year and want to see us." You say sure and then wait until he reaches out instead of inviting him every day. You seem needy and he seems to have other plans. You make your own plans and don't starve your kids, for God's sake.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks everyone. We live in different states and we stopped visiting years ago after they uninvited us for a holiday because SIL had too much going on at work.
In the past, I addressed SIL's comments toward me and my brother has said that she can come across harsh and doesn't always realize it. He doesn't take feedback well and always has to be right so it is kind of a waste of time.
I haven't addressed last summer with my brother and have had less contact with him because I am just angry.
It sucks that I have no other family and this is all I have.

[Anonymous]

Having no family is a sign of insecurity. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It may or may not be a sensitivity. It’s making you a wee bit sensitive (or more susceptible to whatever).

[Anonymous]

Do not see them. You are busy too.

[Anonymous]

Well, I never had a vacation with my brother nor his family and we're not estranged. My parents didn't have vacations with their siblings unless visiting grandparents and seeing them there. I think you got this idea in your head that you have to have vacations with your brother, while a lot of adults don't even think about it. They have vacations with their own families or friends. You have your own family now, focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: You might be the needy and controlling one. Have you ever been called controlling before? Or micro manager? Or “good at executive control .”

There is always someone who comes into these posts to blame the OP. Always.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

This is pretty classic wife sister s*^t.

You need to adjust. You are getting a message
Now take the message and adjust your life.
Find new ways to be happy

[Anonymous]

It’s not blaming the OP. I was the wife in this scenario. DH is an Irish twin

It causes a lot of issues in the relationship
that’s all

I am not the eloquent poster above. I just agree w that PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: You might be the needy and controlling one. Have you ever been called controlling before? Or micro manager? Or “good at executive control .”

There is always someone who comes into these posts to blame the OP. Always.

Perspective shifting. Always

[Anonymous]

I would make a reservation for ONE meal at a casual place and show up regardless if he makes it. If he doesn't, pass on future meetups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: You might be the needy and controlling one. Have you ever been called controlling before? Or micro manager? Or “good at executive control .”

There is always someone who comes into these posts to blame the OP. Always.

+1. Ignore the troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks everyone. We live in different states and we stopped visiting years ago after they uninvited us for a holiday because SIL had too much going on at work.
In the past, I addressed SIL's comments toward me and my brother has said that she can come across harsh and doesn't always realize it. He doesn't take feedback well and always has to be right so it is kind of a waste of time.
I haven't addressed last summer with my brother and have had less contact with him because I am just angry.
It sucks that I have no other family and this is all I have.

That sounds understandably painful OP. Sadly, you don’t really have your brother either. It’s hard when there is no one left to share your growing up memories. Instead of trying to hold onto something that isn’t there, maybe you need to accept it and grieve it. I would encourage you to concentrate on deepening existing relationships or cultivate new ones.

As far as the beach I would still go with one of the strategies that allows him to participate but doesn’t rely on his participation.