Marriage counseling. Does it work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, it depends why you are going and how willing both partners are to really listen and try to change. My DH and I started going to couples therapy about 15 years into our marriage which was fine, largely sexless, but stable. We cared about each other but didn’t know how to be there for each other or how to properly communicate when there were issues. We both had baggage form our childhoods. We are still working on our communication but our marriage is stronger than it ever was and I regret that we “wasted” so many years and were so passive aggressive with each other when we could have been happier. Still grateful though that we have had a chance to do better, for ourselves and our kids. The tension and stress in our home has definitely diminished. Not to say everything is perfect, far from it but without counseling we would never have improved our communication. For us it has been a gift.

Please do share your counselor's name..

[Anonymous]

I think the likelihood of success varies a lot depending on: 1. the problems you are trying to address in counseling, 2. whether both of you are committed to counseling, and 3. the skill of the counselor.

DH and I went to maybe 8 counseling sessions over a 4 month period. At the time, we had been married for 16 years. Our issue was primarily that we wanted to learn how to manage conflict in our relationship better. We argued about the same things without ever reaching a resolution and even small issues escalated into significant arguments. There were/are a lot of good things about our marriage, though - we love one another; have similar goals, interests and values; make a good team in many ways, etc.

The first maybe 5 sessions were very helpful. The counselor talked about communication, boundaries, ground rules for arguments, and helped us reach resolutions to a few issues that caused a number of arguments. The last few sessions we kind of rehashed old arguments and were less helpful.

We did our last session about a year ago. Overall, I’m glad we did it and think it helped our marriage. That said, we both really disliked the actual sessions. I don’t think it was our counselor’s fault - she was kind, warm, empathetic. But, dragging up old issues and arguing in front of a stranger was pretty unpleasant/ uncomfortable for both of us. I think maybe part of the reason it helped is that neither of us wants to do it again!

[Anonymous]

No