Chauvinist / misogynistic / racist comments

[Anonymous]

I go with turning my lip up, giving them a look of wow can't believe you just said that.

Otherwise no verbal response, just move away.

Next step is crucial find a friendly face, big smile on your face and engage in lively banter, say something funny, so you both laugh, then look over your shoulder back at the offensive person, give a short laugh, smirks are good too, and turn back to friend and keep talking, and laugh some more.

Let them stew a bit. It get's them every time.

[Anonymous]

These fake made up stories of response are hilarious. “And then everyone clapped.”

[Anonymous]

I spent four years of college in the deep south inviting racist sorority girls to reflect on their biases, and it earned me no friends. You will need to be ok with that. As in, people may ostracize you and your family because even if onlookers agree with what you’re saying in theory, they will see you as a troublemaker. Just be aware if this.

Hearing the N word or something similar is another story. You shut that down immediately with a sharp hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things like explicit references to women, and all the men laugh. Or coded messages about people in “the other neighborhoods” implying lack of morals due to lack of wealth. For example, a parent on my child’s sport team mentioned how she was happy the team was comprised of girls “within our neighborhood where we all raise our kids the same way.” I was shocked and am replaying the scene in my head. For a start, I could have said: What do you mean by that?

You are way nicer than me.

I would have tore them a new one,

really? you sound like you have an angry agenda. by "tearing a new one," I assume that you mean a verbal assault - what exactly would you have said?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years of college in the deep south inviting racist sorority girls to reflect on their biases, and it earned me no friends. You will need to be ok with that. As in, people may ostracize you and your family because even if onlookers agree with what you’re saying in theory, they will see you as a troublemaker. Just be aware if this.

Hearing the N word or something similar is another story. You shut that down immediately with a sharp hell no.

exactly - if you go around saying gotcha and picking fights and asking people to explain their ambiguous and usually well-intentioned remarks, YOU will come off as the intolerant one.

[Anonymous]

It’s called being an interrupter. I usually parrot peoples’s yucky verbiage back to them. They cringe and walk away normally. I won’t challenge them but just because I am a basic white girl does not mean I can’t call people on their BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thinking about neighbors and extended family.

why do you think you havethe right to "check" anyone? Who made you the police?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I go with turning my lip up, giving them a look of wow can't believe you just said that.

Otherwise no verbal response, just move away.

Next step is crucial find a friendly face, big smile on your face and engage in lively banter, say something funny, so you both laugh, then look over your shoulder back at the offensive person, give a short laugh, smirks are good too, and turn back to friend and keep talking, and laugh some more.

Let them stew a bit. It get's them every time.

That sounds like quite a performance. Dragging an unsuspecting 'friendly face' into some crappy antics, all for virtue signaling that the grave offender doesn't give an f about.
Get a life, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for assertive ways to respond to chauvinist / misogynistic, classist, and racist remarks. The types of remarks that someone might not see as blatant but is more so the covert type. My goal is to stand up for values of equality and equity while also being heard (I know you can’t control that but still). While some people may never change their prejudices, I do believe that many people have never been checked or invited to reflect on their biases. I want to practice some effective replies so I am quick in the moment and ready to tackle these issues head on. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and can’t find the words. Calling on the hive mind, in hopes that it helps me and many others.

I may be the only one who feels this way, but as a minority female, I think calling this stuff out is just unproductive and makes me people more defensive and angry. If it's a close friend or spouse, sure, have a conversation about it. I think it's totally fair for you to make your own judgments about people's ignorance or biases, and make a mental note of it for yourself. I think it's fine if they make themselves look stupid or ignorant. But what's the point of calling it out? So you can stand the moral high ground? Does it actually change their views? No.

In fact, I feel like it undermines the efforts towards more equity, by making people reactive and push against this intolerance for their beliefs or lack of awareness.

News flash, everyone has some level of their own biases, prejudices, and racist and classist and misogynistic thinking. It's impossible to not be, when you live in a society that is basically built on it.

Now, if someone is actually treating someone badly, or hurting someone, yeah - absolutely call that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’re the problem if you look for this in every conversation with every person. Stop being a victim and grow up. Pathetic.

Says the Trumper who wants to get away with their evil without anyone dare say anything to them.

Call them out. It’s the only way to stop this garbage. “What did you mean by that?” is excellent. I use it with my relatives. If they truly think this way though, you probably have other problems with them as well and may need to consider distancing yourself & your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking for assertive ways to respond to chauvinist / misogynistic, classist, and racist remarks. The types of remarks that someone might not see as blatant but is more so the covert type. My goal is to stand up for values of equality and equity while also being heard (I know you can’t control that but still). While some people may never change their prejudices, I do believe that many people have never been checked or invited to reflect on their biases. I want to practice some effective replies so I am quick in the moment and ready to tackle these issues head on. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and can’t find the words. Calling on the hive mind, in hopes that it helps me and many others.

I may be the only one who feels this way, but as a minority female, I think calling this stuff out is just unproductive and makes me people more defensive and angry. If it's a close friend or spouse, sure, have a conversation about it. I think it's totally fair for you to make your own judgments about people's ignorance or biases, and make a mental note of it for yourself. I think it's fine if they make themselves look stupid or ignorant. But what's the point of calling it out? So you can stand the moral high ground? Does it actually change their views? No.

In fact, I feel like it undermines the efforts towards more equity, by making people reactive and push against this intolerance for their beliefs or lack of awareness.

News flash, everyone has some level of their own biases, prejudices, and racist and classist and misogynistic thinking. It's impossible to not be, when you live in a society that is basically built on it.

Now, if someone is actually treating someone badly, or hurting someone, yeah - absolutely call that out.

To clarify, I'm not encouraging inaction. I'm encouraging strategic action. For example, get involved at the local level to support efforts that provide more opportunities for minorities. Quietly work to empower minority women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thinking about neighbors and extended family.

why do you think you havethe right to "check" anyone? Who made you the police?

Stunning that MAGA cult members feel they have the right to loudly lecture everyone about their beliefs and decorate their houses and cars/trucks into walking billboards for those beliefs…….But if anyone else dares to say their beliefs and say they disagree with them, they freak out like snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

We all need to figure out how to contend with the American identity and history which was founded on stealing indigenous people's lands, then enslaving people to profit off that land, and for centuries only giving white men rights to own property, to vote, and to build wealth. And then as a nation, waging wars and stealing resources across the globe to assert our economic power and dominance over weaker nations.

I think it's very naiive to think we can change this by attempting to control what people say in public. It almost seems like a distraction to keep from focusing on the real problems which are much harder to grapple with.